Help! Groom wants NO alcohol

Re: Help! Groom wants NO alcohol

• tortoisebride member

  

  April 2014 edited April 2014

  Gina0887 said:

  What about a beer and wine bar served by an actual bartender who knows not to over serve (and reiterate this point to them at the reception)? 

  This is a good compromise if you're really not willing to go dry. 

  
  

  Seriously though, if this is the only thing your FI has strong feelings about, I really think it's only fair that you and your parents be willing to take his opinion into account. If it were flower colors, I'd say the same thing, but given the circumstances please do listen to him. I have a relative who gets embarrassing when she drinks, although she's not to the bar fights level, and I'm having a dry wedding because I know that even if we only had champagne, I'd be worrying about her getting loud and obnoxious. (Also my FI and I don't really drink, so...) You want your groom to be happy and relaxed on your wedding day, right? Remove this huge source of stress for him.

  
  

  Your guests will cope without booze, or with just a champagne toast. Or, you could have an after party where you and your younger friends go hang out at a bar or something, either the same night or another night later on.

  This is me reading threads on TK

  
  

  

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• weddingmcgee member

  

  April 2014

  I didn't read through all the comments so sorry if someone said this already, but I definitely disagree with the people who say that since your parents are hosting they can have an open bar if they want. It's still your wedding and they should respect your wishes when it comes to the decisions to be made at your wedding. If something as big as this is going to ruin part of the day for your fiance, then cut out alcohol. If you guys want to go out with friends after the reception to a bar or something for drinks, then totally do that and it can separate the alcohol consumption from the family issues. Also, consider having flavored waters and bubbly water, maybe a juice bar or a hot chocolate or coffee bar if you're having it in a cooler month. There are lots of fun things you can do that are still creative besides just soda and water. 

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• LittlePeachBlossom member

  

  April 2014 edited April 2014

  Since you're not much of a drinker and your FI doesn't drink anymore, I'm sure your friends and family will understand having a dry wedding. If questioned by your parents' guests, your parents can simply state neither of you drink so they didn't feel it would be appropriate or something along those lines. Although I would think manners dictate guests don't complain during the wedding unless of course there's something causing discomfort.

  
  

  Personally, I think the health of your FMIL and FI is most important. I agree with PPs that mentioned you should accept his wishes and stand in solidarity. Don't say well my FI didn't want to. That's unfair and is essentially placing 'blame' on him. He's got a VERY good reason for his request. Alcoholism is an addiction. It's not fair to make light of the situation and rationalize you having alcohol with 'they'll find a way to drink anyway' so 'why make the other guests suffer'. Fine, it's possible she'll sneak in a flask. At the very least, you know you did your very best to not contribute to her addiction. You're not supplying her with an endless supply of alcohol. If you do have open bar and try to ban her, that'll make matters worse, possibly leading to a big scene ruining your wedding. Maybe you'll luck out on that, but she will still steal other guests' drinks. Alcoholics don't have self-control when it comes to alcohol. It's all or nothing. Speaking to her and warning her will not prevent her from going for that 'one' glass.

  
  

  Your best bet IMO is to have a dry wedding. I'd rather have my FI/Husband at ease than worry about my other guests wanting alcohol. You can cater to your guests in other ways. I'd use that money to upgrade food selections or add stations.

  
  

  ETA: I like the idea PP mentioned about getting creative. You can maybe have them serve Virgin cocktails, lemonades and spritzers. 

  
  

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• JoanE2012 member

  

  April 2014 edited April 2014

  I don't believe that one person's potential behavior should dictate how a major part of an event is hosted.   If the bride and groom want to host it differently than the parents, then they need to take over the financial responsibility as well.

  
  

  Furthermore, if this person does have a drinking problem, a dry wedding is not going to stop them.  The only people that are being "punished" are the other guests.  

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