I apologize, this is going to be so so long. Just need to explain his sister a little so you get the gist of how she is. We've been together 4 years now, so this has been going on a while.
My fiance has never really got along with his sister all that much. Their parents divorced when he was about 4-5(He's now 25), so he and his sister lived apart most of their child/teenage years. He wanted to live with their dad, she wanted to be with their mom. She apparently was always a drama queen and extremely rude to everyone, so he didn't want much to do with her as they got older.
There's various things that her whole family holds grudges against her for but there's one main thing for my fiance. A month or so before we met, he found out she had told some guy that she was pregnant and was trying to take his money. She was separated from her husband at the time, and just trying to make money of this man to pay her court fees. She told the guy she didn't want him in her or the child's life, but just to send money. Apparently this went on for 3-4 months until the guy finally got fed up and contacted their brother, who told him she was lying- which is when the whole family found out. My fiance pretty much stopped talking to her because that's an absurd thing to do to someone. I don't like to use the term crazy to define anyone, but it's definitely one of the only ways to describe her.
A couple of weeks after that happened, we met and started dating. Without even having met me, she started saying how awful and terrible I was. I was 19 and in college when I met my fiance, and she was almost 30, but yet she still would try to pick fights with me through Facebook and tell me we shouldn't be together. She got back with her husband once he joined the army, and they moved out to Virginia Beach. She left me alone for the most part after that.
Back in May of 2012 on his niece's birthday she texted him at 11 AM asking why he didn't call to wish his niece a happy birthday. (She called their brother at MIDNIGHT to yell at him. Yes, midnight- as the day was switching to the birthday) He told her he hadn't called yet because it was 11 AM and his niece didn't even get out of school until 2 PM. She then went off on how awful of a person he is, how I've made him into a monster, I'm the reason he never sees his niece (Because I obviously have control of where her husband is stationed), and that I was the reason they didn't speak. She even went as far as calling him a piece of... well, you know. They basically ended the conversation by telling each other to stay out of each other's lives. I'm essentially getting all the blame for them not talking, even though the cause of it was her faked pregnancy.
A month goes by, and she starts a huge Facebook fight with me. She even pulled my best friend into it and was yelling at her. She basically tells me that no one likes me, that I'm worthless, and I'm ruining her brothers life. (The rest of his family has said they've never seen him as happy as he is when he's with me. His step-mom and his dad even messaged me when they found out to apologize for her and let me know they absolutely love me and they consider me family.) I got fed up and told her to stop starting drama and that she didn't even know me, even though I had been with my fiance for 2 years at this point. I blocked her and was done with it. She then went and messaged my fiance. It was pretty much as long as an essay on why we shouldn't be together and he needs to rethink us dating. He told her to accept it and blocked her.
Ever since then, she has been telling people that she has attempted to apologize and that she didn't even do anything wrong. She claims my fiance has ignored her for the past two years. He's wished her and her daughter a happy birthday, and hasn't received a reply back. She had a baby in October 2012 and didn't invite us out to see him or say anything about him to us. She sent the birth notice with baby photos to everyone in the family besides us. Then claimed we completely ignored the fact that she had a child.
We got engaged back in July, which started up her drama. She kept saying we left her out of us getting engaged. We've only recently started making plans because we're not getting married until March 2015. We originally weren't even going to have a flower girl or ring bearer because we have 6 bridesmaids and groomsmen. I asked two of his step-sisters to be bridesmaids-which, of course, caused drama. She is constantly saying they're not even REAL family, even though his dad and step mom have been together for about 15 years now. We decided to do the flower girl/ring bear thing anyways and have one from my family and one from his. I don't have any little boys on my side, so we're having the flower girl from my side. We decided to ask his cousin's son to be our ring bearer. He's a year older than the nephew, which was a factor. But the main reason we felt we wanted him as ring bearer is his parent's tried to conceive for almost 10 years. They finally did in vitro fertilization because they wanted a child so badly. We felt it'd be really nice to have him, and that it'd be really special for his parents. We told his mom we were thinking about it and she kept saying "It's your wedding, it's your choices. If I don't agree, I'll have to get over it."
A couple of weeks ago his grandpa on his dad's side passed away. My future MIL calls the day my fiance found out, yelling and crying that we're not including his sister's children in the wedding. She even started the conversation out with "I'm sorry about your grandpa but I really have something to say.", so she knew it wasn't a good day to start anything. She told him that we might as well not even have a ring bearer or flower girl if we're not going to have his niece and nephew do it and that we're ruining our wedding. She then suggested that we un-ask the children that we've already asked, just so we include the other kids.
His sister flies in on the day of the funeral and ignores us the whole service. When we get back to my future FIL's house, she pulls my fiance into a room to speak with him. She yelled at him for everything under the sun. She asked why we hate her kids, blamed me for more stuff, etc. She then tells him that his niece thinks she's the flower girl. His niece is 7 and has never even been to a wedding. She doesn't even know what a flower girl is. She's now saying she won't even come to our wedding because her children aren't included. His mother keeps pressuring us to change our minds. I'm at the point where I'm just going to start ignoring it. We'll invite her, and if she doesn't come then so be it. She hasn't even approved of our relationship since we started dating. She's trying to blame me for her family problems and I want nothing to do with her drama. Can I just nicely say that to her if she continues to cause drama?
If you read all that, thanks for sticking with me there. Now how do I deal with this?!
My future MIL keeps bringing things up as well. Is there any way to nicely tell her that her daughter is crazy? lol Has anyone else had these issues and if so, how did you handle it? How can I deal with her being like this for the rest of forever?