When is GoFundMe okay?

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

I think I'm an asshole.... An acquaintance posted on facebook that her cousin got into a sky diving accident and has no health insurance, so she started a GoFundMe for $10,000 and it has already reached almost 4k. My feeling is that this isn't a disease but his own will to do something dangerous. I feel terrible it happened, but I feel that doesn't mean you ask people for money.

I've also seen a girl looking for tuition to jewelry school (after getting a useless, crazy expensive BFA) and a young father who passed away looking for help with the costs of the services. That's the only one that didn't bother me nearly as much.

What are times you think it's okay and times you don't think it's okay?

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I generally have the same line of thinking as you...are you in this position because of your own poor decisions? I donated to a friend's fund when he was diagnosed with a super rare cancer and needed a bone marrow transplant, and there were a ton of expenses insurance didn't cover. (He's doing well now.) I passed on one for funeral expenses for someone who didn't plan very well. This person's friend also kept posting FB posts attempting to shame anyone who hadn't donated, despite the deceased being a stranger to most of us. Like "if you gave a shit about me you'd donate and I know who you are." But... I didn't know who SHE was. I'm sorry, but not every sad situation requires community help.

But I may also be an asshole.

tortoisebride · May 2014

Oh thank god I thought you were considering it for your wedding. Whew!

I'd consider donating for someone with a serious illness, and I could see how some people might use it to fund a mission trip or something (I wouldn't, but I wouldn't have a problem with it either). But mostly... no.

selenathegreat · May 2014

I see no problem with somebody trying to get help with medical expenses, because even if you save and plan pretty well that can wipe you out in a second. If my parents hadn't helped me when I got third-degree burns in grad school I'd still be paying it off, and I had pretty good insurance. I don't even really have a problem with people trying to get help to start some kind of artistic endeavor that is hard/expensive to start up. What I DO have a problem with is people who guilt anybody at any point for this kind of thing.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

My line is medical and then necessary medical for unforseen circumstances.

I would donate to a bone marrow registry; I would not donate to an IVF fund.

I wouldn't donate for Missions trips only because I would rather do that through my church and send my own church family there OR I'd donate directly to the missionaries.

The skydiving accident I'd be on the fence about. Funeral expenses would depend on who died -- I.e., a whole family in a car crash or a little kid? Probably. Someone who didn't plan well? No.

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

I agree that in most situations the online call outs for funding are tacky. I agree with pps that I might consider it in the case of a medical tragedy, etc., especially if the person is very close to me. Believe it or not I would also personally be okay with these kinds of fundraisers to support a couple who is going through ivf/adoption. I understand why other posters wouldn't support this financially, but this issue has a special place in my heart bc I know I won't be able to have kids either. Now would I personally ever ask for money for myself and my husband? No. We are saving bc we know how expensive these options are and are planning ahead. But would I support another couple I was really close to who was going through the same thing? Sure.

climbingsingle · May 2014

IMO, when it's a serious illness or disease. I wouldn't donate to the person hurt sky diving. That's the risk you take when you decide to jump out of a plane. I don't mean to be cruel, but maybe that person should have secured some kind of health insurance before doing that.

I also would donate for funeral costs. That's about it. My cousin posted his GFM account for him and his wife to do IVF. There's no way I'd donate to that. And I thought it was really tacky for them to be posting about their GFM page non-stop on Facebook. Now on the flip side of that, I probably would donate if they were trying to raise money to adopt a child.

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:
IMO, when it's a serious illness or disease. I wouldn't donate to the person hurt sky diving. That's the risk you take when you decide to jump out of a plane. I don't mean to be cruel, but maybe that person should have secured some kind of health insurance before doing that.

I also would donate for funeral costs. That's about it. My cousin posted his GFM account for him and his wife to do IVF. There's no way I'd donate to that. And I thought it was really tacky for them to be posting about their GFM page non-stop on Facebook. Now on the flip side of that, I probably would donate if they were trying to raise money to adopt a child.

I agree that even if you are going to ask for money for ivf/adoption GFM specifically would be a really tacky way to go about it - especially if the couple is blasting it all over FB all the time. Because of the nature of how private the issue is (or should be) I would side eye anyone who was asking what seemed like the entire world for support on this.

emmyg65 · May 2014

Who goes sky diving without health insurance??

I'd donate to help cover a serious illness for a close friend or family member only. I won't donate to acquaintances or strangers for anything. I guess I'm heartless that way, but we all have our own burdens we need to carry.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

I am not a fan of GoFundMe period. I just don't think it is okay to ask others for money. If close family and friends want to help you out monetarily for whatever reason they will do so voluntarily.

BreMR · May 2014

I definitely agree with PP's that GoFundme is acceptable for illnesses, I went to school with someone who is currently in need of help to get a kidney transplant.. I support that.. However, I recently saw one being blasted on Facebook about a couple who fell in love, she lived in a different country and his visa was up and he needed to raise 15,000 to get back there and plane tickets and visas and whatever.. last I checked he raised 4k, but seriously, that is nobody's responsibility.... I'm shocked they made that much.

doeydo · May 2014

Never. Well, I guess I am OK with it if someone else started it for someone who has a terrible disease or something. But, I'm Canadian so most health stuff we don't have to worry about.

KGold80 · May 2014

An old friend had a GoFundMe thing posted on Facebook because he needed dental work. Why? Because he didn't take care of his damned teeth. Not my problem.

I have only donated to these kinds of things 3 times. First, an old friend's husband is in the military and was about to be deployed again when his laptop broke. His wife wanted to buy him a new laptop as a birthday surprise the week before he deployed. Skype is how the family keeps in touch when he is overseas for a year. I didn't hesitate to donate to that. The other two times were for vet bills for dogs in our local no-kill shelter. One had heartworms and the other had some kind of kidney dysfunction. I guess maybe I like animals more than people.

doeydo · May 2014

Also, I would most likely never donate to one of these things. If I am going to donate money, it will most likely go to The World Wildlife Fund and/or to no-kill animal shelters.

FiancB · May 2014

I actually did donate to a kickstarter a friend started for starting up a food cart in Portland. She was a friend though, and I really wanted to see her succeed and knew she's such a great cook that she could succeed.

Not gonna lie though, I'm a little miffed that when she sold it somewhat shortly thereafter that I didn't get any sort of thank you, though I did in the beginning. While it's donating I think it would've been a nice gesture to have been sent a gift of some sort, even if it didn't amount to what I donated. So, won't be doing that again. I think if you treat it like investing in a business, you should reward people that invest in your business.

Like @emmyg65, probably only for people I know for the most part. Even if it's for a really bad illness or whatever, if I donated a dollar for every gofundme that is for something like that, I'd be broke.

WinstonsGirl · May 2014

The only one I've heard of personally that didn't bother me was one set up for a kid in BC this year. His Mom was in an accident while he was still in the womb, and she was kept alive on life support until he was old enough to be born. She was then taken off life support. Someone (Dad, family, random??) started one to help with expenses for this kid. Every other one I've seen has been "please help me go to..." ones, and I don't pay for that.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

KGold80 said:
An old friend had a GoFundMe thing posted on Facebook because he needed dental work. Why? Because he didn't take care of his damned teeth. Not my problem.

I have only donated to these kinds of things 3 times. First, an old friend's husband is in the military and was about to be deployed again when his laptop broke. His wife wanted to buy him a new laptop as a birthday surprise the week before he deployed. Skype is how the family keeps in touch when he is overseas for a year. I didn't hesitate to donate to that. The other two times were for vet bills for dogs in our local no-kill shelter. One had heartworms and the other had some kind of kidney dysfunction. I guess maybe I like animals more than people.

I like most animals more than I like most people.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

Oh I did donate when a dog I follow on Instagram got a horrible blood disease and needed a $6000 transfusion. But only $5, and only because he reminds me of my dog and I cried thinking of watching him suffer like that.

FiancB · May 2014

There was a dog that I meant to donate to and never got around to it. I heard about it through a friend that's heavily involved in fostering and rescue. The dog was a senior malamute. A family had just lost their malamute and decided to adopt this one. They got it home and that very night it took a big turn for the worse, despite being healthy before. They racked up something like at least $2k in vet bills and the dog was still dead a very short time after. So that was really sad. I should look that one up.

OTOH that's a risk you take with a senior dog, and they probably should've just put it down sooner than later. But it's still terrible that they did do such a great thing as adopt a senior and had it go that horribly wrong so horribly fast, and right after losing the one they had before that.

JennyColada · May 2014

Facebook is a tricky thing, because what you post usually isn't just for friends and close family, but often acquaintances and coworkers. Asking them for money simply is inappropriate, regardless of the reason.

I don't even feel comfortable posting links when I do charity bike rides.

I've only had a couple of experiences with GFM:
- someone raising funds for car repairs (she also had a honeyfund for her wedding, ew)
-and fees after someone's father died (for his house).

The first I really didn't like (she only got like 5% anyway, obviously her friends were not interested in paying for her car). The second I didn't like as well: it's your choice to keep the house (and as we say at TK: choices have consequences): if you can't afford it, then don't keep it.

But I'm also a super grinch and lack a lot of empathy for people.

afox007 · May 2014

I'm ok with them for necessary medical expenses IF I know the person. I get kind of tired of them being shared so many times no one even knows who the hell this person is.

I did finally block one of my old coworkers who started a GFM to pay her $2,500 a semester tuition for grad school. She openly admitted she could get full financial aid if she took two classes, but she only wants to take one class at a time since she's working. For about a week EVERY status update she posts she links the GFM, even if it has nothing to do with it. Example: "Had an amazing weekend with my love. GFM link" Just no!

ETA-I was willing to donate to the GFM for funeral expenses for my BFF's sister who passed away recently and very unexpectedly, but her mom called me and basically begged me not to since she knew money was tight and I had already spent a bunch on a hotel to stay down there to console the family.

DaisyMaeMommy · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:

I am not a fan of GoFundMe period. I just don't think it is okay to ask others for money. If close family and friends want to help you out monetarily for whatever reason they will do so voluntarily.

I completely agree! Which according to some, makes me a bitch.

A girl I used to go to high school with lost her youngest son, supposedly due to SIDS. (He was almost 2.) She set up a GoFundMe to cover his funeral costs, (So she says... even though her Mom already paid them and the funeral was a month ago!) and a bunch of people who I'm friends with were blasting it on everyone's walls, TELLING people they needed to have a heart and help out! She posted it to my wall and I promptly deleted it. When they asked why, I told them the truth! I barely know this girl, she has three kids by three different men, does drugs, sleeps around on her husband, her children are constantly sick, and have been taken away by the state twice. Why would I give money to someone like that?

I don't want to be that person to judge, but I am... I'm judging.

bethsmiles · May 2014

I agree with @Maggie0829 - I don't think they are ever really appropriate. Even in cases of serious medical issues. People will help if they want to, you don't need to ask and blast it all over Facebook.

OnceUponAVine · May 2014

I've never been on GoFundMe and have no desire to check it out. If I want to donate money to something or to someone then I'll do it on my own. As is I only donate to a group that researches rare genetic disease that don't have a "face" (aka a celebrity who has the disease) and that's because my mother has a rare genetic disease that no one has ever heard of and that very few doctors are even willing to research.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

GFM was (I think) initially started to be like a Kickstarter: somebody is starting a business. They ask for seed money and in return you get some product or service once the business gets up and running. I'm totally OK with that. In fact I have donated to Kickstarters for great business ideas plenty of times.

I'm almost never okay with doing it just when somebody wants money because of poor planning (taking risks with no health insurance would fall into this category), because they feel entitled to something (like a wedding), or they think they're special.

The only situation it is OK for me is when a tragedy has occurred, or there is some really worthy cause, and someone else has started the GFM for the beneficiaries. That's okay IMO because the beneficiary isn't asking anyone to give them money, it's just friends and family pitching in. I will still side-eye though if they just blast it to all of Facebook. You gotta understand your privacy settings.

I am like Jenny: mostly low tolerance for this. Fi and I went through a huge loss at the very beginning of our engagement which cost us literally tens of thousands of dollars in lost property and expenses. We didn't start a GFM. My childhood church sent a small donation, family members sent small checks, and we leaned on our (fortunately low-interest and empty at the time) credit cards. It wasn't the best solution but we didn't go crying to strangers for help. So, you didn't plan to fix your teeth or your car or don't feel like paying your own tuition? Nopenopenope.

RebeccaB88 · May 2014

I am really, really on the fence about some GFM stuff. Most of it is for frivolous and unnecessary stuff, and problems coming from not planning or poor decision making.

Medical stuff I get, especially when it's totally something random and unavoidable. Medical costs in this country are stupid crazy. I could probably start one and get donations for myself, if I could stomach doing it. I was born with a very rare respiratory system disorder and have had over 100 surgeries in 41 years. (We stopped counting about 10 years ago at 100, no idea where it is now, probably 130ish, or higher.) I have a full time job and fantastic insurance, but it's not easy to get and keep a job when you have to be out for 3 or 4 weeks up to a couple times a year (yes, there are laws, and yes, companies find legal ways around that). Even with great insurance and my mom's help, I'm always teetering on the edge of solvency, my savings is gone, and the only reason I still have my house is that I refinanced and put a big chunk towards it after getting an inheritance that dropped my mortgage payment to 2/3 of what I'd pay for an apartment. Inheritance is long gone to medical bills. So, I get stuff like that. I'm not starting one because my mom would kill me. You don't ask for money from anyone, like, ever. Ever.

My cousin did a Kickstarter for a book she published about dogs, doing her own original illustrations. (She's a professional illustrator.) She also sent a signed copy of the book to each person who donated over a certain amount after it came out. So, those who donated got something for their donation in the end, which was a really nice way to do it.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

jcbride2015 said:

GFM was (I think) initially started to be like a Kickstarter: somebody is starting a business. They ask for seed money and in return you get some product or service once the business gets up and running. I'm totally OK with that. In fact I have donated to Kickstarters for great business ideas plenty of times.

I'm almost never okay with doing it just when somebody wants money because of poor planning (taking risks with no health insurance would fall into this category), because they feel entitled to something (like a wedding), or they think they're special.

The only situation it is OK for me is when a tragedy has occurred, or there is some really worthy cause, and someone else has started the GFM for the beneficiaries. That's okay IMO because the beneficiary isn't asking anyone to give them money, it's just friends and family pitching in. I will still side-eye though if they just blast it to all of Facebook. You gotta understand your privacy settings.

I am like Jenny: mostly low tolerance for this. Fi and I went through a huge loss at the very beginning of our engagement which cost us literally tens of thousands of dollars in lost property and expenses. We didn't start a GFM. My childhood church sent a small donation, family members sent small checks, and we leaned on our (fortunately low-interest and empty at the time) credit cards. It wasn't the best solution but we didn't go crying to strangers for help. So, you didn't plan to fix your teeth or your car or don't feel like paying your own tuition? Nopenopenope.

That's a big sticking point for me too. The medical one I contributed to was set up by the guy's sister. He didn't even share it... a mutual friend of ours did. She posted it once, not haranguing everyone daily to give to it and they'd be heartless if they didn't.

Come to think of it, I don't think the person shit-talking the people who didn't donate to the funeral expenses one (for a middle aged woman who died of a heart attack, not like a tragic house fire killing most of a family and leaving a toddler to fend for himself or anything) has spoken to me since that time...hm.

phira · May 2014

I've donated to a bunch of Kickstarter campaigns and Indigogo/Gofundme campaigns.

I don't really have a problem with them. One of the things I like about the systems is that I just don't donate if it's something I either think isn't cool/useful/worthwhile, or if I feel as if the people shouldn't be asking for money.

For example, a dear friend of mine is trying to raise money for an international exchange to go slacklining/hiking/climbing with a group of people from Iran (Iranians are going to come to the US, and then my friend and her group are going to go to Iran). The exchange is meant to be a partially political statement, given the relationship between the US and Iran. They've been working hard on publicity for the trip; most of them also have photography experience, so the adventures are all absurdly well-documented.

The campaign has been mostly funded by friends in the slacklining community, as well as companies that produce and sell slacklining/climbing equipment. The way I see it, it's an convenient way for the community to sponsor the trip (convenient from a technology standpoint). My friend doesn't expect people from outside the community to donate, and hasn't been distributing the donation site to everyone she knows.

And I just don't have a problem with it. Like, I could sit here all day and argue with everyone till we're blue in the face about how this is different from a fund I WOULDN'T think was appropriate, but the thing is, I just don't have a problem with this.

Besides my friend's fund, I really only donate to medical bill funds and legal representation funds.

jdluvr06 · May 2014

I don't have a problem with that. It is ok if it is for medical stuff and I think that is someone is raising money for someone else then I don't have a problem for that either. Also I'm a sucker for anything involving animals. I just donated some money to the rescue orginization I adopt two of my cats from, because they are trying to raise funds to pay for a surgery one of the cats they rescued needed.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

Sort of a spin-off....

A high school classmate of mine and his wife have a blog, and a GFM account, to raise money for their daughter, who was born with a very, very rare genetic mutation/defect.

I have sympathy for the uphill battle they face, I really do.

All along, they've been blogging about 'things insurance doesn't cover.' So I get that -- health care in this country (USA) is broken, badly.

Then it comes out (as in, one of their friends finally got fed up with it and posted it on their blog), 'It's not that health insurance doesn't cover her medical costs, it's that you guys didn't HAVE health insurance when you got pregnant.'

I was floored. All along, they've been presenting this as a 'our insurance doesn't cover this' and really, they just don't have insurance, period.

According to her blog, it was a planned pregnancy, so it's not even like they got surprise pregnant and didn't have insurance.

Also, she has a 10- or 11-year-old kid from a previous relationship, and HE doesn't have health insurance, either -- not even the free stuff from the state.

PennyBlossom2311 · May 2014

I'm not a huge fan of GoFundMe, and have only done it once. It was for a really close friend of mine whose daughter got accepted into a governor's honors summer program her senior year but it was across the country.(She found out she was accepted after someone canceled and had less than three weeks to pay for it) She actually ended up paying everyone back within the year and sent everyone thank you cards for helping her daughter go. It wasn't a large amount and was opened for friends and family,and not broadcast over Facebook so I was ok with it.

I think it depends on the circumstances and how well I know the person. I can't stand when someone sends me a link for this and they're asking for honeymoon money, or something frivolous. I'm pretty open to helping with academic stuff, and medical treatments, or animals. But again I have to know the person. I more prefer to just give locally where I know my money or donations are going directly into something I care about.

When is GoFundMe okay?

Re: When is GoFundMe okay?

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