Moms and Maids

Should bridesmaids pay for pre-wedding reception?

Greetings,

Instead of a post wedding reception, our destination bride-to-be is requesting a cocktail style masquerade themed party that will start at 7pm. She wanted the bridal party to take care of the entire expense for this party of 75 or more people, including food, beverages, alcohol, centerpieces, candy bar, place settings, menu cards, photo backdrop, favors, etc. The budget for the event totaled more than $2K at the last estimate.  Many bridesmaids feel this is too much to ask, especially since this is a destination wedding and she requested to go to Vegas for the bachelorette party. We have thankfully talked her out of that. After hearing complaints and questions from the wedding party, she has reluctantly agreed to pay for food and alcohol but expects bridesmaids to pay for centerpieces, tableware, DJ, non-alcoholic beverages, candy bar, photo backdrop and cake. She insists this is not a reception but a party, but requested us to save space for grooms cake.  We also received a PowerPoint presentation at our first bridesmaids meeting that outlined the details of what she wanted at her "wedding shower".  Please advise as how to proceed and or address the bride. By the way, she has requested (through her maid-of-honor) that no one call and ask her any questions/ details about the shower. Any questions are to be addressed to the maid-of-honor, who will ask the bride, and we will get answered in that manner. This process seems a little unethical for friends, do you think? Please help with any advice or suggestions?

Sincerely,
Future Maidzilla

Re: Should bridesmaids pay for pre-wedding reception?

  • Oh hell no. You absolutely do not have to pay for that. You do not have to pay for a bachelorette party to Vegas, though I'm glad you got out of that. And you are not required to pay for a bridal shower.

    You have a few choices. You can choose to set an amount you want to contribute (say, $75 or whatever you're comfortable with) and then refuse to go over that amount. You can choose to not contribute at all. You can drop out.

    How do the other BMs feel about this? Is the MOH enabling the bride?

    She's definitely not being a good friend, and I can't blame you for being upset.
  • OMG I cannot believe that someone like this exists!

    I am a little confused... this party you are throwing, this is after the ceremony at the DW or it's before the wedding at a local place? And you can't ask her questions (about something she should not be planning at all)?!?!

    I just can't wrap my head around this....

    Honestly she sounds like a terrible friend, get out now, I can imagine this getting a whole lot worse!
    image


    Anniversary
  • "75 or more people, including food, beverages, alcohol, centerpieces, candy bar, place settings, menu cards, photo backdrop, favors, etc....."  
    So, a reception. 
    What the hell is wrong with this girl? When she has a child, is she going to ask her friends to pay the hospital bill?
    Run like hell. This is so out of line, so against all rules of decent behavior, so exploitive and self centered, that I can't believe this girl actually has friends. 

    Send her a book of etiquette, a quick good bye note, and never look back.
  • Better yet, send her a link to this thread. I would love to hear the justification for this.
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2014
    ....." We have thankfully talked her out of that. After hearing complaints and questions from the wedding party, she has reluctantly agreed to pay for food and alcohol but expects bridesmaids to pay for centerpieces, tableware, DJ, non-alcoholic beverages, candy bar, photo backdrop and cake. She insists this is not a reception but a party, but requested us to save space for grooms cake."

    The title of this thread asks about a pre-wedding reception.  It sounds like the bride is trying to find a way for her wedding party to fund the rehearsal dinner.  Unethical at a minimum.  Limiting talk with her wedding party is suspicious. The sense of entitlement and ego are extraordinary.  Care to wager whether this becomes a PPD?

  • MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Are you going to be invoiced for her dress too?

    Sounds like this bitch thinks she is slick and is trying to con others into paying for her wedding. Tell her where she can shove her Power Point presentation and run far, far away from this mess.

    And please come back and update us!
  • @KAustin4, You have also posted on Etiquette, Pre-Wedding Parties, and Destination Weddings.  It is NOT necessary to post the same question on multiple boards.  IF you do post an identical question, please place "XP" at the start of your title.

    It would be helpful if you could go back to your posts and edit them for clarification.  
  • Just to clarify: On the other threads, you say the bride is requesting this pre-wedding party in lieu of a shower, not as a replacement for the wedding reception. My advice is the same - run far away from this bridezilla. Send word through MOH that you're out. 

    KAustin - are you posting this on multiple boards in hopes that the bride will see this?
                       
  • koffee4 said:
    Greetings,

    Instead of a post wedding reception, our destination bride-to-be is requesting a cocktail style masquerade themed party that will start at 7pm. She wanted the bridal party to take care of the entire expense for this party of 75 or more people, including food, beverages, alcohol, centerpieces, candy bar, place settings, menu cards, photo backdrop, favors, etc. The budget for the event totaled more than $2K at the last estimate.  Many bridesmaids feel this is too much to ask, especially since this is a destination wedding and she requested to go to Vegas for the bachelorette party. We have thankfully talked her out of that. After hearing complaints and questions from the wedding party, she has reluctantly agreed to pay for food and alcohol but expects bridesmaids to pay for centerpieces, tableware, DJ, non-alcoholic beverages, candy bar, photo backdrop and cake. She insists this is not a reception but a party, but requested us to save space for grooms cake.  We also received a PowerPoint presentation at our first bridesmaids meeting that outlined the details of what she wanted at her "wedding shower".  Please advise as how to proceed and or address the bride. By the way, she has requested (through her maid-of-honor) that no one call and ask her any questions/ details about the shower. Any questions are to be addressed to the maid-of-honor, who will ask the bride, and we will get answered in that manner. This process seems a little unethical for friends, do you think? Please help with any advice or suggestions?

    Sincerely,
    Future Maidzilla
    RUN! RUN! RUN!

    Honestly, I'd drop out of the hot, flaming mess, that is this bridal party.  Your friend sounds like an entitled, unrealistic nightmare.

    If she wants to host a party at her DW, then the entire cost is on her and her FI- not on her WP members.  I don't care if it is billed as a reception, masque, pre-party, after party, whatever.  She wants to have a party, she pays for it.

    This bride should be hosting a reception for all of her guests anyways.

    Also, she really shouldn't be involved in planning her bridal shower unless those of you who volunteered- not whom were voluntold- to host it genuinely  want her input.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I would strongly reconsider this "friendship"
  • I have nothing to add except this bitch is nuts.

    Totally, completely, all-encompassingly bat shit crazy.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • If this is actually a shower then the people hosting/paying for it get to decide the details. Run...quickly
  • koffee4 said:
    Greetings,

    Instead of a post wedding reception, our destination bride-to-be is requesting a cocktail style masquerade themed party that will start at 7pm. She wanted the bridal party to take care of the entire expense for this party of 75 or more people, including food, beverages, alcohol, centerpieces, candy bar, place settings, menu cards, photo backdrop, favors, etc. The budget for the event totaled more than $2K at the last estimate.  Many bridesmaids feel this is too much to ask, especially since this is a destination wedding and she requested to go to Vegas for the bachelorette party. We have thankfully talked her out of that. After hearing complaints and questions from the wedding party, she has reluctantly agreed to pay for food and alcohol but expects bridesmaids to pay for centerpieces, tableware, DJ, non-alcoholic beverages, candy bar, photo backdrop and cake. She insists this is not a reception but a party, but requested us to save space for grooms cake.  We also received a PowerPoint presentation at our first bridesmaids meeting that outlined the details of what she wanted at her "wedding shower".  Please advise as how to proceed and or address the bride. By the way, she has requested (through her maid-of-honor) that no one call and ask her any questions/ details about the shower. Any questions are to be addressed to the maid-of-honor, who will ask the bride, and we will get answered in that manner. This process seems a little unethical for friends, do you think? Please help with any advice or suggestions?

    Sincerely,
    Future Maidzilla
    WOW! This post literally has me shocked, the thought that anyone would request that much from anyone is crazy. I've been a BM a few times and know that it's expensive enough without having to pay for a "party" on top of it. Also POWERPOINTS??? Is she serious? Something tells me this bride is spoiled and will lose a few friends after this power trip. I could NEVER be a part of that wedding, I would've ran away a long time ago. 
  • "she has reluctantly agreed to pay for food and alcohol but expects bridesmaids to pay for centerpieces, tableware, DJ, non-alcoholic beverages, candy bar, photo backdrop and cake"

    ^^ If she can't afford to pay for those things herself, then she needs to reconsider having a wedding. She is out of her damn mind asking her bridesmaids to pay for that.
  • oh my gosh! LOL I do not know where her sense of entitlement comes from. How sad for her wedding party. She sounds horrible. You do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT have to pay for that. End of story...she needs to get over herself.
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