Ever been asked to remove your engagement ring?

djfivenine · May 2014

Luckily this didn't quite happen to me, but it was a close call!

Backstory: I am in a wedding next month, and received an email from the bride yesterday with some day-of info. She mentioned that she wanted us all to wear "minimal, silver jewelry." OK fine, nothing really wrong with that. I responded "sounds great!" and the other bridesmaids did as well. Then I received a text message from the bride about 30 minutes later saying "I've been thinking about it, and I've decided that I'll still allow you to wear your engagement ring even though it's yellow gold."

Um... thanks?

She hasn't been an overly demanding bride through the whole process, and this whole exchange was just very shocking to me. I fear that she's now thinking she's being suuuch an understanding bride, "allowing" me to wear my engagement ring even though it goes against her "vision" or whatever.

Has anything this absurd ever happened to any of you? Do you have any tips on how I should react to her, if at all? I kind of got out of having to directly respond to her, since she followed up that text with an unrelated question. I don't know if I should "lecture" her or anything, but just letting it go seems kind of weird too...

blabla89 · May 2014

Honestly, I would let this one go, although I would be so tempted to put her in her place. Or I would say something like, "Oh good, because I don't take it off."

I certainly wouldn't tolerate any other demands like that.

climbingsingle · May 2014

To answer your questions, no, nothing as absurd as that. That really takes the cake.

The only thing that remotely comes close is when a bride had us wear gloves for her June wedding. It was 95 degrees.

I really don't know if I could let that go. I think it's just so ridiculous. No one is going to be looking at your jewelry, especially your wedding ring.

beethery · May 2014

That is fucking absurd. I don't recommend lecturing her, because you might start unnecessary shit, but do some eye rolls. You have certainly earned them.

NYCBruin · May 2014

That's just fucking dumb.

Since she's not actually telling you not to wear your engagement ring though, I'd just let it go. And roll your eyes internally.

Inkdancer · May 2014

I wouldn't say anything because it's a non-issue now, but what the heck???

sarawifenow · May 2014

I would lose my shit if someone asked me to remove my e-ring. Screw that.

Edited to actually answer your question: I would replywith somethinf snarky like, "oh good! I wouldn't want my e-ring to ruin your pics!" and then leave it.

Aray82 · May 2014

Whoa! Not ok! I would say, "That's great! My engagement ring isn't just any old piece of jewelry that I can take off and on whenever so I was still going to wear it anyway. And, I will still allow you to have me in your wedding party."

The only time I let someone tell me to take my ring off was for surgery. Who are these brides???

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

She sounds like an overbearing, over-thinking bride. Did you respond to her second text at all? I, personally, would have to have some sort of slightly bitchy response to let her know that she's out of line. However, since it sounds like she's not totally BSC, I would leave it alone after that.

lyndausvi · May 2014

I would let it go.

But the passive-aggressive in me would love to respond back with something snarky.

SmileDamnit · May 2014

My response would've been, "Oh, good! Then I'll still ALLOW you the grace of my presence as a bride's maid".

pinkcow13 · May 2014

What the hell? I definitely would have come back with a snarky reply. That's just ridiculous on her part.

wrigleyville · May 2014

As if anyone is going to see/notice it in photos anyway. Even if they did, it's so small compared to everything else in the photo that it wouldn't even matter. I can't remember EVER noticing rings the BMs are wearing in photos. Half the time, I can't even see their earrings unless they're large.

My e-ring has come off exactly once, when I had to have surgery.

If anyone insisted I remove my e-ring and/or wedding band as part of their bridal party, I would remove myself. That's just crackers.

KatieinBkln · May 2014

Yeah, the only way this would be acceptable is if the second text said, "Oh my god, I hope you didn't think I meant that I wanted you to remove your gold e-ring, because of course I didn't! Sorry if there was any confusion." Otherwise, that's straight-up nuts.

afox007 · May 2014

Wasn't fully told to take it off, but the owner of the resturaunt I waitress at suggested not wearing it if I want better tips from guys. I just rolled my eyes and kept it on.

banana468 · May 2014

I'd be really tempted to say something snarky too like"Great! It only comes off when I sleep so I'm glad you're not one of those crazypants brides!"

jdluvr06 · May 2014

I don't think I could have stopped myself from saying something snarky.

I've never been asked to take my ring off but one time I was doing some lab work when my boss asked me to help him prep for a lecture and go do an interview with these horrid people (I talked about that on here so I won't go into it again). I had taken my ring off for the lab work and before I left my boss told me to put the ring back on and flash as many times as possible without being obvious about it.

misshart00 · May 2014

Wasn't there a bridesmaid on here awhile back that was asked to not wear her engagement ring because it was bigger than the bride's?

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

I've had a couple people ask me to take it off so they 'can see it better.'

Uhm....no.

I would have texted back, 'Well I assumed as much because it's non-negotiable and only a bridezilla would demand something to patently unreasonable.'

ETA: I would have texted that back immediately, but right now, I'd let it go. And internally side-eye. And snark about it on TK.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I probably would have said something like "oh good, I didn't plan on taking it off." What an almost-brat. Actually, still a brat since she still thinks she's "allowing" you to do anything.

Alex3Mom · May 2014

I refused to take my rings off for surgery.

adverb1129 · May 2014

Oh god, hope it was just a bad day for the bride and this isn't the start of anything. (If it IS the start of anything, make sure to update!)

KGold80 · May 2014

misshart00 said:

Wasn't there a bridesmaid on here awhile back that was asked to not wear her engagement ring because it was bigger than the bride's?

'scuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. Some people are just unreal.

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

I was asked not to wear my e-ring to a party once because the host didn't want his girlfriend to see it and start freaking out on him for not proposing already. (Mind you, they'd been together for 2ish years while FI and I were together more than 10 before he proposed.) Knowing the girl is more than a little wedding obsessed, I pinned my ring inside my clothes until I was given the all clear. Not 10 minutes later, gf sees my ring and proceeds to go on and on about how he better propose, what kind of ring she wants, blah blah blah... in front of all their guests. I wanted to throat punch her.

Inkdancer · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I've had a couple people ask me to take it off so they 'can see it better.' Uhm....no. I would have texted back, 'Well I assumed as much because it's non-negotiable and only a bridezilla would demand something to patently unreasonable.' ETA: I would have texted that back immediately, but right now, I'd let it go. And internally side-eye. And snark about it on TK.

I actually do take it off so people can see it, because there is engraving all the way around the band and tiny hearts are carved into the setting under the stone. There is a lot of detail to my ring that you can't see when it's on my finger.

lyndausvi · May 2014

wrigleyville said:

As if anyone is going to see/notice it in photos anyway. Even if they did, it's so small compared to everything else in the photo that it wouldn't even matter. I can't remember EVER noticing rings the BMs are wearing in photos. Half the time, I can't even see their earrings unless they're large.

My e-ring has come off exactly once, when I had to have surgery.

If anyone insisted I remove my e-ring and/or wedding band as part of their bridal party, I would remove myself. That's just crackers.?

*** STUCK IN BOX

Wait? Am I the only one who magnifies photos so I can get a better look at jewelry? Umm, I wonder if I'm the only one who grabs the hands of every single bridesmaid to check out their rings and compare them to the other bridesmaid?

phira · May 2014

I'd let it go because it's a non-issue now. I'd still be irritated, obviously, and I'd have a hard time forgetting it, but I wouldn't be all, "OH AND BY THE WAY"

Had she actually requested you not wear your engagement ring because it was the wrong color metal, I'd have suggested you (gently but firmly) tell her no. I wouldn't even have any explanation or snarky remark. Just, "No, [friend]. I am not going to remove my engagement ring for your wedding."

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

Bridesmaids are allowed to say no to unreasonable demands by brides. Just throwing that out there for lurkers.

If a bride is so BSC that she would kick you out of her wedding for wearing a piece of jewelry that you always wear, is that someone you want to be friends with?

OnceUponAVine · May 2014

I would have snarked at her immediately following the text but as is I'd let it go. If she brings it up again firmly (but politely) tell her that you wearing your e-ring was never up for discussion.

wrigleyville · May 2014

Alex3Mom said:

I refused to take my rings off for surgery.

Some patients do, but I hope the nurses informed you that if your fingers swelled too much, they would have to cut the ring off.

Personally, I would rather remove it myself and put it somewhere safe than risk it being cut off my finger. I'm not judging; I'm just explaining why I would never leave it on and risk that.

misshart00 · May 2014

The only time I've gone an extended period without my ring is when I got into a car accident and my hands swelled for a couple days and at the end of my pregnancy/being in the hospital for birth. Edit: and I guess when I had them soldered and sized.

Ever been asked to remove your engagement ring?

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