Uninvited Guests?

jrm111 · May 2014

A little background... We want to have a small wedding. 100 people maximum. After picking some people we wanted to invite we told both sets of parents they had 40 people they could invite. My future mother in law gave us a list of 80 people. We told her that wasn't a possibility and she had to cut down her list. We just don't have it in our budget to invite 40 extra people. Eventually, she gave in and did cut down her list.

So, last week we send out our invites and we have started to receive the RSVPs back. A majority of the ones we receive from the people on her list are writing in that they are bringing extra people. Some are 2 or 3 extras, but I received one this morning with an extra 5 people attending.

I'm not sure what to do from here. Is it rude to tell everyone they cannot bring extra guests? I feel like my FMIL told them to write in the extra people on purpose since we made her cut down her list.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

jrm111 said:

A little background... We want to have a small wedding. 100 people maximum. After picking some people we wanted to invite we told both sets of parents they had 40 people they could invite. My future mother in law gave us a list of 80 people. We told her that wasn't a possibility and she had to cut down her list. We just don't have it in our budget to invite 40 extra people. Eventually, she gave in and did cut down her list.
So, last week we send out our invites and we have started to receive the RSVPs back. A majority of the ones we receive from the people on her list are writing in that they are bringing extra people. Some are 2 or 3 extras, but I received one this morning with an extra 5 people attending.
I'm not sure what to do from here. Is it rude to tell everyone they cannot bring extra guests? I feel like my FMIL told them to write in the extra people on purpose since we made her cut down her list.

First, 100 person wedding is not small by any means.

Second, if people are writing in extra guests on their RSVP then you need to call those individuals up and say "I am sorry but we are not able to accommodate the extra guests you listed. We are looking forward to seeing X and Y there."

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

Regardless of the size wedding you want, invitations are not transferable. Anyone who writes in extra guests gets a phone call in which he or she is told, 'I'm sorry, the invitation was addressed to you and your wife/husband only. We cannot accommodate your additional guests. Will you two be attending?'

If they then feel bad over this, well, that's on them for being rude and presumptuous.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

Sounds like you'll need to make the dreaded phone call to say "I'm sorry but we're not able to accomodate the extra individuals you included on your RSVP."

Never a fun thing to do, but unfortunately a necessary thing.

bananasplit472001 · May 2014

It was very rude of guests to have write-ins. Call them up and tell them they were not on your list and it does not fit in your budget. I never understood why parents (who are not paying) and wedding guests feel the need to just add people to YOUR guest list. Weddings are expensive and not only do you have to pay for the price per head for the meal you need a favor, menu, place-card, centerpiece for an extra table, extra program and the list goes on!

PennyBlossom2311 · May 2014

Yikes...Sounds like the dreaded call has to be made. But, this is not on you. It was rude for the guests to add names to their RSVP's. We've had to make two of those calls. It's not as bad as you think it will be. Both were very understanding and apologetic, and both will still be attending. It'll get sorted out.

Uninvited Guests?

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