Is it too late to back out as a bridesmaid?

Re: Is it too late to back out as a bridesmaid?

• OliveOilsMom member

  

  May 2014

  janamiller11 said:

  My friend is getting married in 3 months and I had originally thought I would be around for her wedding but now because my fiancé took a job across the country we have to move  a couple weeks before her wedding (because of his start date). her and I have grown apart quite a bit since her and her fiancé got together and she hasn't been a great friend to me. When she asked me to be in her wedding I agreed mostly to maintain peace in our relationship but I really don't expect us to keep in contact once I've moved away.  I would just suck it up and come back for the wedding but airfare plus all of the other expenses that go with being a bridesmaid would really add up.  Anyone have any experiences like this? Any advice?

  No.  It's not too late.  Since you have grown apart and feel your relationship will fizzle after the wedding anyway, I would step down.  Tell her that you are sorry, but now that you are moving away you will not be able to financially attend the wedding. 
  

  

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• phira member

  

  May 2014

  I backed out of a wedding party 3 months before the wedding because my financial circumstances had changed drastically, and that was the point where I found out I wasn't going to be able to afford the flight and hotel for me to even attend the wedding.

  
  

  My advice? Call your friend and break the bad news. I wouldn't bring up that you've grown apart, but stick with the real issue: you cannot reasonably afford to come to the wedding at all. It's not that you don't want to be a bridesmaid. It's that you're not going to be able to attend the wedding.

  
  

  If she does offer to pay for some of your expenses, I'd consider accepting, but it's okay if her offer isn't enough to cover the costs. And it's okay if she doesn't offer.

  
  

  When I backed out, I chickened out and emailed, and my friend called me to talk (and she wasn't angry at all--she felt terrible!). I regret being so cowardly and not calling her in the first place.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  May 2014

  PPs are totally right.  It's fine to call her and let her know that circumstances have changed and that you won't be able to travel back for the wedding.

  
  

  The only thing I would add:  If she has incurred any expenses for you as a bridesmaid, you should reimburse her.  It's unlikely this far out, but it wouldn't be fair to leave her holding the bag for shoes or accessories that you don't need.

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