My past is holding me back from my future

Re: My past is holding me back from my future

• *Barbie* member

  

  May 2014

  mrs.conn23 said:

  Dear Prudence,
  I’m having an existential dilemma. I’ll be turning 30 this year, and while most of my friends got to spend their college years and a few “back in the nest” years having great adventures (road-tripping across the U.S., traveling to foreign countries, etc.) I did not. I went to college on a scholarship but had to work to support my ailing father, who passed away when I was 21. I had to take responsibility for his finances, dig him out of medical debt, and pay for his dozen prescriptions, which no doubt informs my current need to be financially stable. My parents divorced when I was young, and my mother offered no support during this time and refused to let me move back in with her after my dad died. (Our relationship is fine now.) I have a corporate office job that is unfulfilling and for which I’m underpaid, but I know I should be grateful just to have a job. My dream is to work in animal rescue, like my husband, but that work is notoriously low-paying. I keep fantasizing about quitting my job, taking some time to have a grand adventure, and finding a job I love instead of one where I am wishing the day away. I am tired of living for the future—building up a 401(k) and investing in my home’s property value—when the future is never certain. After all, I could die at 54 like my father without getting to retire and enjoy the fruits of my labor. So what do I do?

  —Stuck

  I'm sensing some resentment that she is the primary breadwinner in this relationship. 

  
  

  It seems as if she's viewing this as an all-or-nothing situation, where it doesn't have to be. Why not volunteer some evenings or weekends at an animal rescue, and work to find a job that is a better fit? 
  
  She needs to discuss the financial situation with her husband. I'm reading a lot into this, but I'm betting that they can't just live on his salary. If she would lose her job, or wants to make a change , how will they support themselves on a lower income? She also needs to consider her current savings and spending habits. Saving for the future is very important, but you also need to be able to live a little (like she said, you may not even live long enough to retire.) She could cut back on the current saving plan and put some money aside to take a vacation. She could also look for jobs where some travel is required, just to help break the routine. 

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