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Problems with sister not being MOH

devincasperdevincasper member
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in Wedding Party
When my fiancé got engaged in September, I decided that my best friend of 8 years would be my MOH. She has been there with me through everything since we were 17, and it just made sense. My sister (who is 6 years younger than me, 19) had a little bit of an issue with this at first, but seemed to get over it. She attends college 4 hours away, and would be gone during the most crucial stages of planning, not to mention planning and bridal shower and bachelorette party would be impossible for her.) Now, she's in an uproar about the entire thing, and making snarky comments anytime we talk about wedding planning. Is this something I'm just going to hope she gets over? It's driving me nuts. Thanks for your advice in advance!
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Re: Problems with sister not being MOH

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    devincasper said:
    When my fiancé got engaged in September, I decided that my best friend of 8 years would be my MOH. She has been there with me through everything since we were 17, and it just made sense. My sister (who is 6 years younger than me, 19) had a little bit of an issue with this at first, but seemed to get over it. She attends college 4 hours away, and would be gone during the most crucial stages of planning, not to mention planning and bridal shower and bachelorette party would be impossible for her.) Now, she's in an uproar about the entire thing, and making snarky comments anytime we talk about wedding planning. Is this something I'm just going to hope she gets over? It's driving me nuts. Thanks for your advice in advance!
    During the crucial planning process?  You do know that the MOH doesn't have to help you plan your wedding right?  And how would planning a bridal shower and bach party be impossible for your sister?  I have planned both of those types of parties from a far just fine.

    I am not saying that you had to choose your sister as a MOH but I do think some of your reasons for not picking her are kind of silly.  But in the end your sister will just have to deal and get over it.

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  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Maggie0829 said:
    devincasper said:
    When my fiancé got engaged in September, I decided that my best friend of 8 years would be my MOH. She has been there with me through everything since we were 17, and it just made sense. My sister (who is 6 years younger than me, 19) had a little bit of an issue with this at first, but seemed to get over it. She attends college 4 hours away, and would be gone during the most crucial stages of planning, not to mention planning and bridal shower and bachelorette party would be impossible for her.) Now, she's in an uproar about the entire thing, and making snarky comments anytime we talk about wedding planning. Is this something I'm just going to hope she gets over? It's driving me nuts. Thanks for your advice in advance!
    During the crucial planning process?  You do know that the MOH doesn't have to help you plan your wedding right?  And how would planning a bridal shower and bach party be impossible for your sister?  I have planned both of those types of parties from a far just fine.

    I am not saying that you had to choose your sister as a MOH but I do think some of your reasons for not picking her are kind of silly.  But in the end your sister will just have to deal and get over it.
    Nailed it.

    The only people required to plan a wedding are the people getting married and the people paying (which may be the people getting married). Your MOH is not required for the crucial planning process; neither is your sister or any other bridesmaid.
    Anniversary
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  • devincasperdevincasper member
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    all right. If I wanted someone to pick apart my words about being a part of the planning process, and judge me for a decision I made, I would have gone to my sister and asked her advice. What I'm talking about is planning a bridal shower, helping with little details, etc. I'm not saying that my MOH is making big decisions about our wedding I was hoping to get advice from brides who have been/are in the same situation, but you are both missing the point. Thanks for that.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You should ask her to step down. If she can't be supportive of you, you don't need her.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    devincasper said:

    all right. If I wanted someone to pick apart my words about being a part of the planning process, and judge me for a decision I made, I would have gone to my sister and asked her advice. What I'm talking about is planning a bridal shower, helping with little details, etc. I'm not saying that my MOH is making big decisions about our wedding I was hoping to get advice from brides who have been/are in the same situation, but you are both missing the point. Thanks for that.
    Um, no I am not missing the point.  I was just noting that the MOH has no responsibility except to buy the dress and show up at the ceremony.  They do not have to help with any little details and the do not have to throw you parties.  If they want to, great.  But if they don't that does not make that person bad.  And it is also not a reason to not have some as your MOH just because you think that they can't fulfill those made up requirements.

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    devincasper said:

    all right. If I wanted someone to pick apart my words about being a part of the planning process, and judge me for a decision I made, I would have gone to my sister and asked her advice. What I'm talking about is planning a bridal shower, helping with little details, etc. I'm not saying that my MOH is making big decisions about our wedding I was hoping to get advice from brides who have been/are in the same situation, but you are both missing the point. Thanks for that.

    These stupid quote boxes never work! 

    Your MOH, nor any member of your bridal party, is not required to throw you a bridal shower. You sister's feeling are obviously hurt. Do what you can to repair the relationship. But you not picking her for MOH because she wouldn't be able to plan you parties was wrong. 
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  • devincasperdevincasper member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    You're right, it would be wrong if the only reason I chose my best friend to be MOH was to plan parties. I didn't feel the need to explain my entire relationships with them on a forum, but I guess i should have. My best friend is my rock. She's always been there for me and if anything ever happened to me and my fiancé, she's the person I would trust to make any life decision. She knows everything I'm thinking before I say it and has been nothing but supportive of me since the day we met. Are you all happy now? I can't say the same of my sister. We don't have a strong relationship and never really have. So now give me your honest answers regarding the best way to handle the situation. And if it's not supportive please don't waste your time and mine.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    devincasper said:
    You're right, it would be wrong if the only reason I chose my best friend to be MOH was to plan parties. I didn't feel the need to explain my entire relationships with them on a forum, but I guess i should have. My best friend is my rock. She's always been there for me and if anything ever happened to me and my fiancé, she's the person I would trust to make any life decision. She knows everything I'm thinking before I say it and has been nothing but supportive of me since the day we met. Are you all happy now? I can't say the same of my sister. We don't have a strong relationship and never really have. So now give me your honest answers regarding the best way to handle the situation. And if it's not supportive please don't waste your time and mine.
    Look we can only go off on what you post.  And in your OP you referred to the fact that your sister is away at school and won't be around for the crucial planning phase and it would be impossible for her to plan you a shower and bach party.  I simply told you that those reasons for not choosing someone as your MOH are kind of silly.  But I also said that you certainly didn't have to pick your sister as your MOH if you didn't want her as your MOH.

    Basically your sister just needs to get over it and move on so just give her time to not be upset.

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Listen, we can only answer and give advice based on the information YOU provide. 

    If you don't have a good relationship with her, then why do you care if she's upset? Or are you just annoyed at her comments? Then stop hanging out with her. Stop involving her in any wedding planning. 
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  • phiraphira member
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    No one is suggesting that you should have asked your sister to be your maid of honor. I didn't ask mine to be my maid of honor; I asked my best friend. What people are suggesting is that, "We don't have as good a relationship" is a good reason, and, "She won't be able to plan parties for me" is not a good reason.

    You can't police the advice you get when you ask for advice. Either take it or leave it, but people can leave whatever advice they'd like.
    Anniversary
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    If you don't talk to your sister about your wedding, she can't snark about it. Leave the room or hang up when she starts to snark. Talk to her about her school, about your work, about Game of Thrones, about Iggy Azalea, but stop talking to her about your wedding.
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  • Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    You are a grown woman who made a decision and, I think, is basically asking for advice on how to handle a snarky sister.  I would say to ignore the snark as best you can and "bean dip" her when you can't ignore.  I, personally, find it very considerate of you to include your sister as a BM (all brides don't do this) and think you should try to focus on enjoying your moment in the spotlight.
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