Wedding Reception Forum

Help! We don't want to register or ask guests for gifts!

We have a little bit of an issue in that my fiance and I have both been married previously, and between the two of us, we have everything we need for our home. When we met, he owned his home and I had my apartment with furnishings. In fact, we're struggling with where to put everything. At a family gathering, we were approached a few times about gift ideas. We politely told everyone that we really don't need anything and for us, just having our family together and friends with us would be the best gift we could ever receive. An aunt insisted that we need to register somewhere, but we really and truly don't need anything! So the aunt came up with an idea that we have a money tree at the reception and asked if they can spread the word that this would be available.

I do not want to ask anyone for money. I am travel agent, so in asking them for a contribution to the "honeymoon fund," I still feel awkward. The aunt suggested that we tell everyone that it was her idea and explained to me this would make it acceptable but I still feel so nervous about it.

Does anyone have an idea on how to handle this situation? I understand them wanting to give us something, but we didn't decide to have a wedding in order to get gifts - our wedding is centered around our family and friends and to us, that is the most important thing! Does anyone have an alternative idea (besides a "fund" or some sort that they would give to as this is still asking for money)?

I am a nursing student (at the young age of 44!) and my fiance is a mail carrier. I have tried and tried to come up with something but I'm just at a loss!

Thank you all for your suggestions!

Re: Help! We don't want to register or ask guests for gifts!

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Just repeat to everyone, "Thanks, but we'd just prefer to have your company."  To your aunt and anyone else who gets pushy, tell them, "We've decided we are not going to register for gifts.  Please consider the subject closed as we are really uncomfortable with all this pressure regarding gifts."
  • You could just do something with your Guestbook, like advice or well wishes. That way people are still giving you a "gift".

    But you really don't have to do any money things if you don't want. Your aunt is fully allowed to give you money if she wants, but that doesn't mean that you have to ask you guests for it.
  • Agreed, just don't register. People should take that as a cue that you'd prefer money over gifts. Plus, you aren't asking for anything that way.


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  • NwakrisNwakris member
    First Comment
    Thank you for your advice. I just need to stick with my instinct and hold to what makes us most comfortable - just our family and friends coming is all we need! It helps to hear your comments! :-)
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Nwakris said:
    Thank you for your advice. I just need to stick with my instinct and hold to what makes us most comfortable - just our family and friends coming is all we need! It helps to hear your comments! :-)
    Glad to be of help!  Congratulations and best wishes!
  • I agree with PP's that you should just not register.  And tell your aunt, in a very direct and definitive way, that you do not want to register for gifts or do any money funds.  You do not need gifts of any kind and want this event to be about celebrating with those close to you, not about gifts or money.  And you would appreciate it is she would stop pestering you about it. 

    If people really want to give gifts or money, they will do so regardless of whether you register anywhere.  And people know that cash is always welcome without you having to encourage it with a money tree or honeymoon fund.

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  • Why not register for upgrades?  Surely you could use a new sheet set, some new towels, maybe new baking pans or a better coffee pot?  Maybe a new tablecloth for the holidays, new dish towels, a pretty serving bowl for when company comes over.  You get the idea.   It always amazes me when people say they have NOTHING to register for.  

    And it's nice that you say all you want is family and friends there, but sorry, most will still want to give you a gift.  Most will probably give cash as default, but remember, there are always some people that don't like giving cash and would prefer to give a gift, and a registry helps avoid you from getting 4 ceramic roosters.

    Otherwise, I agree with others, simply don't register.  But definitely do not do a money tree.  
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    JoanE2012 said:

    Why not register for upgrades?  Surely you could use a new sheet set, some new towels, maybe new baking pans or a better coffee pot?  Maybe a new tablecloth for the holidays, new dish towels, a pretty serving bowl for when company comes over.  You get the idea.   It always amazes me when people say they have NOTHING to register for.  


    And it's nice that you say all you want is family and friends there, but sorry, most will still want to give you a gift.  Most will probably give cash as default, but remember, there are always some people that don't like giving cash and would prefer to give a gift, and a registry helps avoid you from getting 4 ceramic roosters.

    Otherwise, I agree with others, simply don't register.  But definitely do not do a money tree.  
    This. Surely there are a handful of things you would find useful that you wouldn't necessarily buy yourselves in the event someone really wanted to give you a boxed gift. Some people feel weird showing up to a wedding empty handed, but don't like to gift money. This gives those people some options and you will still likely receive mostly cash.

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  • edited June 2014
    Just dont register.

    People will more than likely still give you gifts though even if you request them not to.
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