Wedding Woes

Kicking things off early for V

Dear Prudence,
I’m a 31-year-old male and consider myself to be a borderline sociopath. I view this as a neural development disorder where many people fall along a spectrum, not something to be “treated” or changed. I have a strong “logical morality” and do not wish harm to anyone, but I do come first and don’t commonly feel guilt or remorse. This seems to work in most areas of my life, but dating is a problem. By all recognizable accounts I am easygoing, successful, charming, and normal. However, I do not feel love the way I imagine many people do. My love for someone peaks around the two-month mark in the relationship and I can feel that way for nearly anyone who meets my dating criteria. But I have been the “love of their life” for many women, who form incredibly deep bonds and end up devastated after they realize our relationship will not progress and it ends for seemingly no reason. In some of these relationships I have even been entirely up front that I simply don’t “feel” the way most people do and they have not been deterred. So, what am I to do? I don’t enjoy hurting others, but I do enjoy when others care for me. Do I just continue this pattern throughout life, enjoying each relationship for what it is and knowing that if the woman gets her heart broken she will eventually get over it and go on to better relationships? Or is that callous and morally demanding of a better approach? 

—Not a “Feeler”

Re: Kicking things off early for V

  • I actually watched a lecture on this very idea of the spectrum of sociopaths.  It was big news it seems like maybe a year ago?  B/c they found specific careers that fit into the spectrum of sociopath.  It was highly interesting and a fairly nuanced look at an issue that is played up by movies (yet everyone loves Sherlock Holmes and tries to imprint emotions on him that simply aren't there as a self-described sociopath).

    Honestly, I think he shouldn't date.  I don't even know why he is if he doesn't get an emotional attachment out of it.  This is another reason why prostitution should be legal: he probably just wants sex, but society tells him to get it he has to fake an attachment.
  • There are people out there who are sexual but aromantic, or sexual but gray romantic, who would suit him a helluva lot better than this shitshow or paid sex.
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