Invitation Wording

Pellegcm · June 2014

I've looked at the wording, my FI has looked at the wording and both my parents (who are making the invitations) have looked at the wording. But just to be safe:

Brides parents
invite you to share in their joy
at the wedding of their daughter
Bride
to
Groom
the son of Grooms parents
Saturday, the eleventh of April
Two thousand and fifteen
at four thirty in the afternoon
Chesapeake Bay Beach Club, Maryland
Dinner and dancing to follow

website information

Ceremony and reception are at the same place - not a church. Everything look ok?

(edited for formatting)

Maggie0829 · June 2014

Pellegcm said:

I've looked at the wording, my FI has looked at the wording and both my parents (who are making the invitations) have looked at the wording. But just to be safe:

Brides parents
invite you to share in their joy
at the wedding of their daughter
Bride
to
Groom
the son of Grooms parents
Saturday, the eleventh of April
T two thousand and fifteen
at half past four thirty in the afternoon
Chesapeake Bay Beach Club, Maryland1234 Bay RoadCity, Maryland
Dinner and dancing to follow
Reception to follow

website information

Ceremony and reception are at the same place - not a church. Everything look ok?
(edited for formatting)

Changes made in red.

Some people on here will tell you that the groom's parents should not be included because only the hosts of the wedding should be put on the invite. But, IMO, if they want to be on the invite and you and your FI want them on the invite, then keep them on the invite. It won't hurt anything.

You can also use "half past" or "half after" for the time. Whatever one you prefer.

Also, you may want to consider putting the address of your venue on your invite (see above) for any guests who will be driving in that day.

Pellegcm · June 2014

I completely forgot about the address -we'll clearly put that on there.

Yeah, we went back and forth about adding FI's parents. His father passed away just before we started dating, and he liked the idea oh having his father's name on the invitation. Plus we've both got a large number of distant relatives who will be invited and we thought having both parents names would give an indicator to the guests.

Thank you so much!

Maggie0829 · June 2014

@Pellegcm - You're welcome. I had a neighbor who got married at the CBBC and her pictures looked amazing! H and I had actually considered that venue as well but we decided to get married a little closer to home so that more people were able to attend. Good luck!

CMGragain · June 2014

I am going to post the traditional wording for you.

Mr. and Mrs. John Brides parents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's first middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Saturday, the eleventh of April
Two thousand fifteen
at half after four o'clock
Chesapeake Bay Beach Club
500 Marina Club Road
Stevensville, Maryland

Reception to follow

Your phrasing of "invite you to share the joy at the wedding of" is acceptable, because it does make it clear that you are inviting your guests to your wedding. It is your choice.
The groom's parents are not usually included on the invitation unless they are hosting. It is not forbidden to list them, but it serves no purpose. It is NOT an honor to be on a wedding invitation, and it does not include anyone.
I do think you should use the traditional wording on the time.
It is not proper to describe your reception. "Dinner and dancing" is not correct. Just put "Reception to follow".
The website is not usually included on the invitation. I would enclose a small business size card that says "For more information about directions, nearby hotel accommodations,or to RSVP, please visit our wedding website at http://www.ourwebsite." Vistaprint can do these very cheaply.
Beautiful venue, but parking can be a problem. You might want to include parking information on the insert card.

Jen4948 · June 2014

CMGragain said:

I am going to post the traditional wording for you.

Mr. and Mrs. John Brides parents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's first middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Saturday, the eleventh of April
Two thousand fifteen
at half after four o'clock
Chesapeake Bay Beach Club
500 Marina Club Road
Stevensville, Maryland

Reception to follow

Your phrasing of "invite you to share the joy at the wedding of" is acceptable, because it does make it clear that you are inviting your guests to your wedding. It is your choice.

Funny-Miss Manners mentions in her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior that it's vulgar and inappropriate to emphasize the "joy" because to do so is a suggestion that the wedding in question is more "joyous" than other events, including other weddings.

Also, I've heard that traditionally, emphasizing the "joy" of the wedding in invitation wording is actually a subtle clue that something is wrong-like an unplanned pregnancy, and the basic wording "request the honour of your presence/pleasure of your company" has built into it the expectation that the wedding is a joyous occasion.

Maggie0829 · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

CMGragain said:

I am going to post the traditional wording for you.

Mr. and Mrs. John Brides parents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's first middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Saturday, the eleventh of April
Two thousand fifteen
at half after four o'clock
Chesapeake Bay Beach Club
500 Marina Club Road
Stevensville, Maryland

Reception to follow

Your phrasing of "invite you to share the joy at the wedding of" is acceptable, because it does make it clear that you are inviting your guests to your wedding. It is your choice.

Funny-Miss Manners mentions in her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior that it's vulgar and inappropriate to emphasize the "joy" because to do so is a suggestion that the wedding in question is more "joyous" than other events, including other weddings.

Also, I've heard that traditionally, emphasizing the "joy" of the wedding in invitation wording is actually a subtle clue that something is wrong-like an unplanned pregnancy, and the basic wording "request the honour of your presence/pleasure of your company" has built into it the expectation that the wedding is a joyous occasion.

I think all of this is in the "read too much into a word" category. Why can't one just take the word "joy" at face value? Why do we always have dissect words to the point that it now means that the bride is pregnant?

And you know what? I bet that OPs wedding is a more joyous occasion to the parents then any other wedding they may have attended because it is their daughter getting married. So it kind of makes sense for them to use the word joy.

KatieinBkln · June 2014

Jen4948 said: CMGragain said: I am going to post the traditional wording for you.

Mr. and Mrs. John Brides parents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's first middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Saturday, the eleventh of April
Two thousand fifteen
at half after four o'clock
Chesapeake Bay Beach Club
500 Marina Club Road
Stevensville, Maryland

Reception to follow

Your phrasing of "invite you to share the joy at the wedding of" is acceptable, because it does make it clear that you are inviting your guests to your wedding. It is your choice.
Funny-Miss Manners mentions in her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior that it's vulgar and inappropriate to emphasize the "joy" because to do so is a suggestion that the wedding in question is more "joyous" than other events, including other weddings.
Also, I've heard that traditionally, emphasizing the "joy" of the wedding in invitation wording is actually a subtle clue that something is wrong-like an unplanned pregnancy, and the basic wording "request the honour of your presence/pleasure of your company" has built into it the expectation that the wedding is a joyous occasion.
This is totally fascinating to me. Not sure how I feel about it, but I find the whole secret under-layers of formal wording to be so interesting. My inclination is usually to say that given how little credence the average person gives to language, it's probably NOT a big deal in this day and age (since no one probably realizes that "joy" has subtle meanings in this context) but I love knowing that it exists/used to exist/could possibly exist. Words are so fun.

Jen4948 · June 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

CMGragain said:

I am going to post the traditional wording for you.

Mr. and Mrs. John Brides parents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's first middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Saturday, the eleventh of April
Two thousand fifteen
at half after four o'clock
Chesapeake Bay Beach Club
500 Marina Club Road
Stevensville, Maryland

Reception to follow

Your phrasing of "invite you to share the joy at the wedding of" is acceptable, because it does make it clear that you are inviting your guests to your wedding. It is your choice.

Funny-Miss Manners mentions in her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior that it's vulgar and inappropriate to emphasize the "joy" because to do so is a suggestion that the wedding in question is more "joyous" than other events, including other weddings.

Also, I've heard that traditionally, emphasizing the "joy" of the wedding in invitation wording is actually a subtle clue that something is wrong-like an unplanned pregnancy, and the basic wording "request the honour of your presence/pleasure of your company" has built into it the expectation that the wedding is a joyous occasion.

I think all of this is in the "read too much into a word" category. Why can't one just take the word "joy" at face value? Why do we always have dissect words to the point that it now means that the bride is pregnant?

And you know what? I bet that OPs wedding is a more joyous occasion to the parents then any other wedding they may have attended because it is their daughter getting married. So it kind of makes sense for them to use the word joy.

Why don't we agree to disagree about this? I'm really not in the mood for a fight.

Maggie0829 · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

CMGragain said:

I am going to post the traditional wording for you.

Mr. and Mrs. John Brides parents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's first middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Saturday, the eleventh of April
Two thousand fifteen
at half after four o'clock
Chesapeake Bay Beach Club
500 Marina Club Road
Stevensville, Maryland

Reception to follow

Your phrasing of "invite you to share the joy at the wedding of" is acceptable, because it does make it clear that you are inviting your guests to your wedding. It is your choice.

Funny-Miss Manners mentions in her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior that it's vulgar and inappropriate to emphasize the "joy" because to do so is a suggestion that the wedding in question is more "joyous" than other events, including other weddings.

Also, I've heard that traditionally, emphasizing the "joy" of the wedding in invitation wording is actually a subtle clue that something is wrong-like an unplanned pregnancy, and the basic wording "request the honour of your presence/pleasure of your company" has built into it the expectation that the wedding is a joyous occasion.

I think all of this is in the "read too much into a word" category. Why can't one just take the word "joy" at face value? Why do we always have dissect words to the point that it now means that the bride is pregnant?

And you know what? I bet that OPs wedding is a more joyous occasion to the parents then any other wedding they may have attended because it is their daughter getting married. So it kind of makes sense for them to use the word joy.

Why don't we agree to disagree about this? I'm really not in the mood for a fight.

I wasn't trying to start a fight with you. I am merely saying that people on here (not just you, but others as well) tend to over analyze words. Sometimes it is just easier to take things at face value because that is most likely how the OP intended it.

I also think, in general, in our culture today we as humans tend to over analyze a lot of things. If I get an invite and the word "joy" is used I would think "hey they are happy about this wedding and want everyone to be happy too." I wouldn't start dissecting the word and trying to figure out the true meaning behind it. Sometimes it is just as simple as that they are happy about the wedding and wanted to convey that happiness by using the word "joy."

Jen4948 · June 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

CMGragain said:

I am going to post the traditional wording for you.

Mr. and Mrs. John Brides parents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's first middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Saturday, the eleventh of April
Two thousand fifteen
at half after four o'clock
Chesapeake Bay Beach Club
500 Marina Club Road
Stevensville, Maryland

Reception to follow

Your phrasing of "invite you to share the joy at the wedding of" is acceptable, because it does make it clear that you are inviting your guests to your wedding. It is your choice.

Funny-Miss Manners mentions in her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior that it's vulgar and inappropriate to emphasize the "joy" because to do so is a suggestion that the wedding in question is more "joyous" than other events, including other weddings.

Also, I've heard that traditionally, emphasizing the "joy" of the wedding in invitation wording is actually a subtle clue that something is wrong-like an unplanned pregnancy, and the basic wording "request the honour of your presence/pleasure of your company" has built into it the expectation that the wedding is a joyous occasion.

I think all of this is in the "read too much into a word" category. Why can't one just take the word "joy" at face value? Why do we always have dissect words to the point that it now means that the bride is pregnant?

And you know what? I bet that OPs wedding is a more joyous occasion to the parents then any other wedding they may have attended because it is their daughter getting married. So it kind of makes sense for them to use the word joy.

Why don't we agree to disagree about this? I'm really not in the mood for a fight.

I wasn't trying to start a fight with you. I am merely saying that people on here (not just you, but others as well) tend to over analyze words. Sometimes it is just easier to take things at face value because that is most likely how the OP intended it.

I also think, in general, in our culture today we as humans tend to over analyze a lot of things. If I get an invite and the word "joy" is used I would think "hey they are happy about this wedding and want everyone to be happy too." I wouldn't start dissecting the word and trying to figure out the true meaning behind it. Sometimes it is just as simple as that they are happy about the wedding and wanted to convey that happiness by using the word "joy."

That may be what they intend, but I think @CMGragain will confirm, as will Miss Manners, that traditionally "joy" was not emphasized in invitation wording for the reasons I stated. You might take invitation wording at its face value, but that doesn't mean that the absence of the word "joy" means that the wedding won't be a joyous occasion.

manateehugger · June 2014

Parents aren't allowed to be joyful at their children's weddings? Parents aren't allowed to ask guests to participate in this joyfulness? Better let my parents know that as they great guests they should say, "Hi, thank you for coming. This wedding will not be more joyous than other events."

Jen4948 · June 2014

PDKH said:

Parents aren't allowed to be joyful at their children's weddings? Parents aren't allowed to ask guests to participate in this joyfulness? Better let my parents know that as they great guests they should say, "Hi, thank you for coming. This wedding will not be more joyous than other events."

All I'm saying is that traditional sources have different reasoning than you do. No need for the snark in your post.

OnionBreath · June 2014

I would never see an invitation to a wedding and assume it secretly hinted that the bride is pregnant.

If I got an invitation to a baby shower, I would assume it was really in your face about the woman being pregnant.

AddieCake · June 2014

Our invitations said "invite you to share a day of joy," and I'm ok with anyone thinking I thought my wedding was more joyous than other days or other weddings. I am awesome and my wedding was awesome. It probably WAS more joyous than others. =D

manateehugger · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

PDKH said:

Parents aren't allowed to be joyful at their children's weddings? Parents aren't allowed to ask guests to participate in this joyfulness? Better let my parents know that as they great guests they should say, "Hi, thank you for coming. This wedding will not be more joyous than other events."
All I'm saying is that traditional sources have different reasoning than you do. No need for the snark in your post.

It wasn't a dig at you, Jen. Can we not have fun?

I just think it's an interesting and odd "tradition" to have existed, and I'm glad it's a tradition largely no longer in practice.

Maggie0829 · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

PDKH said:

Parents aren't allowed to be joyful at their children's weddings? Parents aren't allowed to ask guests to participate in this joyfulness? Better let my parents know that as they great guests they should say, "Hi, thank you for coming. This wedding will not be more joyous than other events."
All I'm saying is that traditional sources have different reasoning than you do. No need for the snark in your post.

Screw the traditional sources. Putting "joy" on an invite is not against etiquette. Maybe back in the 1900's it could be seen as the bride was pregnant, but I think we have advanced our thinking since then.

CMGragain · June 2014

So, I am less traditional than Miss Manners! Woo-hoo!
As I said, I have no problem with the OP's wording because it makes clear that this is an invitation to a wedding. The bit about "joy" indicating a pregnancy is ridiculous!
I simply like tradition. I don't insist on it.

Jen4948 · June 2014

Actually, all I've heard about using the word "joy" was that it was a subtle signal that the families don't see the occasion as "joyous" for any reason-not necessarily because of pregnancy.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2014

Just curious, but if you are getting married in April of 2015, why are you worrying about invitations now? ;-)

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

Damn, now I'm wishing my invitations had the word "joy" just in case it might make some busybody wonder about my maternal state.

CMG I'm so impressed at your newfound liberal-ness! ;-)

CMGragain · June 2014

Maybe nobody ever asked me the right questions.
I am fine with strapless wedding dresses, colorful wedding invitations, STDs, unity ceremonies, same sex marriages, even outdoor ceremonies (though I prefer air-conditioned rooms).
I hate tuxedos in the daytime, vague invitations, anything that celebrates excess (trash the dress), and the word "unique". Of course, rudeness is always wrong.

Pellegcm · June 2014

Woah, responses exploded!!

I had never heard about adding "joy" meaning the bride was pregnant! I am not, but my mother who has been living by the Miss Manners etiquette book since we got engaged suggested the wording... so if she's not stressing about it, I'm not stressing about it :-)

@PrettyGirlLost - really good question. My mom is making the invitations and she's got a whole timeline set up in putting them together piece by piece so we don't get too overwhelmed! I'm also in graduate school (expected graduation this December!) so I'm trying to get as much possible done this summer so I'm not overloaded in crunch time come January.

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