Etiquette

Who should the father of the bride match...the bride or the mother of the bride?

AndreaT04AndreaT04
Second Anniversary First Comment
member
edited June 2014 in Etiquette
My dad is wearing the same tan suit that the groom and groomsmen are wearing. I wanted my dad to wear either a coral or green tie to go with the colors of my flowers and so it would look put together in the pictures of my dad walking me down the aisle. However, my mom is insistent that my dad's tie should match her dress and not my flowers because "he's only going to be with you when you're walking down the aisle....he'll be with me the rest of the time." But my mom's dress is blue so that would mean my dad would be wearing a blue tie! I know that it will forever bother me when looking at the photos. My feeling is that he should match my flowers because it's my day, not my mom's. They had their day 30 years ago, it's our turn now! Any thoughts?
«13

Re: Who should the father of the bride match...the bride or the mother of the bride?

  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    AndreaT04 said:

    My dad is wearing the same tan suit that the groom and groomsmen are wearing. I wanted my dad to wear either a coral or green tie to go with the colors of my flowers and so it would look put together in the pictures of my dad walking me down the aisle. However, my mom is insistent that my dad's tie should match her dress and not my flowers because "he's only going to be with you when you're walking down the aisle....he'll be with me the rest of the time." But my mom's dress is blue so that would mean my dad would be wearing a blue tie! I know that it will forever bother me when looking at the photos. My feeling is that he should match my flowers because it's my day, not my mom's. They had their day 30 years ago, it's our turn now! Any thoughts?


    Your dad should wear whatever he wants. He isn't in the bridal party and he is an adult. He doesn't have to match anyone.


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Sars06Blue_Bird
  • AndreaT04AndreaT04
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    member
    edited June 2014
    Viczaesar, thanks for the reminder never to ask strangers for advice ever again. Thanks, I'm glad you think I need help, but that wasn't my question. You really could have just politely answered...I didn't post this question to get a mental health evaluation.
    HauteRoxy
  • Why not request that he wear something neutral that won't clash with you or your mom or gift him a tie that won't make you cringe when looking back at your photos (again thinking neutral). Won't your mom be in the pictures with you at some point too? I don't know what color blue she's planning on wearing, but if you're worried about a colors then maybe she shouldn't be in your pictures? I do have to say she is right though, as far as he'll be with her except walking you down the aisle (and maybe father/daughter dance), but I also get that it will be your wedding and photographs to look back on. All colors can compliment another color (even black/brown or white/ivory) so you might go tie shopping with your mom in attempt to find a color that compliments both her dress and your flowers...something you both can agree on.

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    OP, your dad should wear whatever he wants.
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out.
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    member
    You and your mom are both being ridiculous. He doesn't need to match either of you. Do couples normally match when they go out to dinner or walk down the street?

    If you're so worried about clashing in your photos, print them in black and white. Or ask if he'd like to wear a black, white, or other neutral tie. Or one with blue, green and coral stripes. But it's up to him, not either of you.

    image
    image
    pinkshorts27ohannabellechibiyuiPrettyGirlLost
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I agree with other posters, however, many people have the Dad's match the groomsmen or wear a tux and tie chosen by the bridal couple. 

     For my wedding, and my sister's wedding, and my husband's brother's wedding the Dads got a tux, and the tie and vest colors were chosen by the bride and groom. Now if the Dads didn't want to wear that , we wouldn't have made them, but it's pretty common place from other weddings I've seen as well.

    We had no say in the mother's attire though. 

    I got lucky in that the entire bridal party (including the parents) wore black and white.
    image
    image

    image


    ashleyepShellD13
  • I vote for putting him in a neutral color.

    For my wedding, the dads are wearing the same tux as the groomsmen, but I put them in gray vests instead of the blue vests we chose for the GM. My reasoning for this was I wanted to get a couple shots of just our parents together because they'll be all dressed up and fancy, but I didn't want them to clash with whatever colors the moms chose for their dresses.

    lyndausviashleyep
  • For my wedding my dad asked what he was supposed to wear. I was kind of baffled. I politely responded to wear whatever suit he owned that he felt most comfortable in. He went out and brought a brand new suit (he was a little excited). He then asked what he could wear to make sure he fit in with everyone else. Again, I thought it was funny but he seemed to want to feel included so H and I purchased him the same tie that the groomsman were wearing. He really liked it. It was cute.

    Bottom line - if your dad is asking for you to make a choice for him feel free to purchase it for him. If not let him pick his own clothes.....he's a grown man.

    I'm not really sure why your mom wants them to match though. That's weird.
    ashleyep
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited June 2014
    You and your mom are both being ridiculous. He doesn't need to match either of you. Do couples normally match when they go out to dinner or walk down the street? If you're so worried about clashing in your photos, print them in black and white. Or ask if he'd like to wear a black, white, or other neutral tie. Or one with blue, green and coral stripes. But it's up to him, not either of you.
    I think couples should coordinate with each other at formal events.   That does not mean MATCH.   It means coordinate.  Not clash with each other.

    I say dad should wear a neutral color that COORDINATES with both of you.

    ETA  - I was thinking about my dad at my sister's wedding.  He wore a black tie when the GM's wore maroon.   No one wore suites/tux or ties at my wedding, but my dad wore the same brown shirt as the GM's.   My mom bought a beautiful blue dress the COORDINATED with my dad's shirt very nicely.  So nicely in fact pictures from my wedding of the 2 of them are hangin up in all my siblings homes.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    pinkshorts27theartistformerlyknownaschibiyuicupcait927
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Hahahaha.  If your dad wearing a blue tie will forever bother you, I'm really jealous there is nothing else about your wedding even remotely causing you stress.

    Seriously, let your dad wear what he wants.  It sounds like he wants to wear something that will match the color of your flowers, so he can just go ahead and do that.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    pinkshorts27slothiegal
  • Wegl13Wegl13
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    My FMIL asked what my mom was wearing and what I wanted her to wear. SO CONFUSED. Although I did tell my mom what to wear because she bought this pretty black dress and had it tailored for her a couple years ago and she looks beautiful in it. However- what??? I thought the fam outside the wedding party just got pretty corsages or something to say "hey I'm special"- I didn't know they had to match???? Real help though: go neutral if you're going to go anywhere, boom, done.
  • MOB usually choose her dress first and then FMIL finds something that doesn't clash...or something like that. Having the parents kind of "get together" on what they're going to wear also prevents one of them being in head to toe bling and the other in a denim jumper from the 90s.

    jenijoyk[Deleted User]
  • Wegl13Wegl13
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    Oh. Huh. That's what his mom said, didn't realize that was a real thing! Probably good my mom gets to pick first rather than the other way around, because fashion isn't really her thing (hence the wearing that one nice dress she has).
  • @Viczaesar I just googled it and found "Traditionally, the bride’s mother has the honor of selecting her outfit first." and "As for who calls whom to discuss ‘our outfits,’ the mother of the groom shouldn’t stand on ceremony; if she hasn’t heard anything once the initial wedding plans are underway, she’s perfectly welcome to call the mother of the bride." I knew I had heard it somewhere and wasn't making it up! But yes, the adults can wear whatever they want (unless it's restricted by the venue...but they can still wear it and not be let in)...but I don't think that was Wegl13's confusion - she just hadn't heard of it!
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Viczaesar said:

    MOB usually choose her dress first and then FMIL finds something that doesn't clash...or something like that. Having the parents kind of "get together" on what they're going to wear also prevents one of them being in head to toe bling and the other in a denim jumper from the 90s.

    There is no etiquette rule that the MOB gets to choose her dress first or that the MOG has to choose something with MOB's dress in mind.  The parents wear whatever they want to wear.  If one of the parents wants to wear a denim jumper from the 90s that's their choice.
    Wegl13 It isn't a thing. See the post I just quoted. Adults can dress themselves.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    @Viczaesar I just googled it and found "Traditionally, the bride’s mother has the honor of selecting her outfit first." and "As for who calls whom to discuss ‘our outfits,’ the mother of the groom shouldn’t stand on ceremony; if she hasn’t heard anything once the initial wedding plans are underway, she’s perfectly welcome to call the mother of the bride." I knew I had heard it somewhere and wasn't making it up! But yes, the adults can wear whatever they want (unless it's restricted by the venue...but they can still wear it and not be let in)...but I don't think that was Wegl13's confusion - she just hadn't heard of it!
    Yes, that's a tradition.  Tradition =/= etiquette, and can be inappropriate, outdated, or easily broken.



    JCbride2015Liatris2010Blue_Bird
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    If I ever demanded my dad wear anything, he'd laugh his ass off at me.
    image
    ohannabelle
  • Neither. It's a wedding, not a prom. And I think it's ABSURD that it's somehow a trend that these poor teenage boys are coerced into wearing the most hideous colors in order to match their demanding dates... in hopes of it finally being "the night."

    Thank HEAVENS this was not a trend in my high school. These girls are Bridezillas in Training. "You HAVE to match my hot pink dress or no one will know we're here together!" I was told that was one of the reasons why it's done. It's like these girls are pissing on their territory.

    So... that was my rant for the night. Happy Prom Season everyone!

    OP, you and your mom has to let go of this crazy color obsession. Your dad will look handsome and no one will give a shit what color he's wearing. He's a grown ass adult. You both need to let him make his own choices. I vote for a neutral or favorite color that he likes. He'll be the one wearing it. And if you and your mom doesn't like it and you guys want to match him, then you can both change your own colors.
    image
    thisismynickname2
  • NymeruNymeru
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    Let him choose.  You might help him out by giving him a tie as a present that he has the option of wearing, but he should be allowed to select his own tie to wear.
  • This is an actual thing that people care about?  Spend their time and energy stressing about?  Wow.
    RebeccaB88
  • Darling, you have way too much time on your hands to be so worked up about this. Let dad wear whatever. Plus, you really won't look at your pictures as much as you think, unless you're narcissistic. 
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    WTF? I would have to get out wedding photos to even know what color tie my dad wore. I had let him dress himself, you see, so I really didn't care then and don't know now.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I'm assuming you wanted to know the etiquette of this since you're posting on the etiquette board. From an etiquette perspective, the best way to handle is to say to your dad "choose whatever you want, I'm sure you'll look great." There is no etiquette rule that he matches the bride or his wife.

    Further, it's actually against etiquette to tell him what to wear. If you decide to dictate any aspect of his wardrobe, you will be violating etiquette (and simultaneously coming off as a 'zilla control mongerer). Keep in mind that your photos are not as important as the way you treat people. It's important not to lose sight of that while you plan your wedding.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    ohannabelle[Deleted User]
«13
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards