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Religious Issues with Parents

My fiance and I are both non-religious but my parents (and more importantly harsh extended family) are LDS and his parents are loosely Christians (not super religious and very supportive). I don't know how to let my parents know how to a) tell my parents that I am both non-religious and marrying a non-religous man and b) proceed with an only mildly religious wedding without ruffling too many feathers. Help?

Re: Religious Issues with Parents

  • edited December 2011
    Oh my gosh.  This is practically my situation.  My parents are very strict LDS, and I have continually panicked over the years about them finding out that my beliefs aren't the same as theirs.

    I stopped going to church a few years ago, but I only told my parents about it last year.  They sent me an e-mail expressing their concerns about it, and my response was that I was doing what I felt best about and that I didn't want to argue with them on matters of faith all the time.

    But then just a few weeks ago, my then-boyfriend went to my dad to ask for his blessing in us getting married.  My dad said that while I might not have been the daughter he wanted (?!), that he still loved me and would support me because he didn't want to alienate me.  Then my boyfriend told him that we had been living together for a little while, and that began a speech about how we're living in sin.  But my boyfriend still says that it was overall a very good conversation.

    When I got engaged last week, I called my parents to tell them, and they were less than thrilled.  It hurt my feelings, but I've come to the realization that if I did what they wanted (marriage in the temple to an RM who got a degree at BYU), that I wouldn't be happy.  I'm with a great guy, and I love being with him, and I can't wait to have an outdoor wedding with all my friends and family.  

    It's hard to disappoint your parents (and you'd think I'd be used to it after all these years), but you have to do what's right for you, what will make you happy.  Your wedding day is something that you will look back on for the rest of your life.  Make sure that any religious aspects in the ceremony are things that you and your fiance are comfortable with, and not just thrown in there to appease Mom and Dad.

    As hard and as scary at it may be, I also recommend that you tell your parents sooner rather than later so that they have time to get used to the idea of you getting married.  Hopefully they will exhibit Christ-like behavior and be loving and supportive.  If their reaction is more cool-to-lukewarm, be sure to soak up all the positive vibes you can from the people who are excited for you (that's what I'm doing).

    I hope all this has been at least a little helpful.  I find a little comfort to know that someone else is going through the same thing that I am (although I feel bad at the same time).

    Good luck.
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  • CarlyAnneCCarlyAnneC member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you very much, that made me feel much better. I feel a bit less alone in this and that is nice. Luckily my parents have never been too over baring so I will mostlikely get concern but not outlashing or judgements but who I am worried about are my grandparents. I am the oldest grandchild and I am secretly hoping (though its horrible to say) that another grandchild will reveal their less than golden nature before I have to.
    But thanks, you really helped. I'll try to talk to my parents next time I am home from school
  • edited December 2011
    I tip toed around this subject with my Mother for a long time. I am at a point in my life now that I could give a care less about what she thinks about my religious beliefs or any other member of my family for that matter. I am an adault, I have been on my own for quite a while now and I will do what I want and what makes me happy. If anyone has a problem with my life style they don't have to be around me:) I understand not wanting to disapointment your family or cause problems, but at the end of the day you are an adault and you need to live your life the way you want to. Your family can choose to support you or not. It is there loss if they choose not to!
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  • edited December 2011
    So many people in Utah struggle with this! I wish you the best!
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