Wedding Party

Sister to be MOH or not.

I love my little sister, but shes very anti social. I want her to be my MOH because she's important to me, except she has no interest in planning or parties. I want her to have the MOH title because, well, shes family. My only other BM is my friend who's much more into the planning aspect and doing things like the bridal shower and bachelorette party. I can't expect her to do the planning when she's not MOH, but I know my sister wont. Can I take the title away from my sister (dont want to)
or can I just not have titles? So conflicted!!

Re: Sister to be MOH or not.

  • NymeruNymeru member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I've seen some people do 2 MoHs because they didn't want to be forced to choose between two equally important people.

    Does your sister care about her title as long as she's in your wedding party?  Would it hurt her feelings if you passed her up for someone who would do all of the things you want your MoH to do?  Or if she is truly that anti-social, does she even have an interest in being part of your bridal party?

    Ultimately, you need to decide what's important to you: having the MoH that will get you what you seem to care about (organized shower/bachelorette party), or the one who means the most to you, even if she won't do the job you want done.  Personally, I'd ditch the titles and ask the two of them to put their heads together, and then be happy with whatever came out of it. If they come up with great plans/parties, then cool.  If all that comes out of it is that you have two amazing people by your side on your wedding day who are wishing you all the best with your new husband, that's more than good enough, in my opinion.
  • BMs, MOHs are not required to plan parties. 

    I don't recommend 'taking the title away' from your sister, because that is pretty harsh, especially because it is just over her social abilities or willingness to plan a party.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    This is a non issue. You only get parties if someone offers to throw you one, and that someone doesn't have to be the MOH. As far as helping you plan, nobody but you and your fiance are responsible for planning your wedding. 

    It would be very inappropriate to "demote"your sister because she doesn't want to plan parties or your weddiing. You can always have 2 MsOH if you feel this other person is as special to you as your sister, but also don'tdeem her MOH just b/c she wants to help plan and throw parties. 

    ETA: I had no MOH, just bridesmaids. They all do the same thing, so it's not really necessary to declare one MOH if you don't want to, but if you have already told your sister she is MOH, I think you should keep it at least that way or it could hurt her feelings.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Take the party planning out of this.  Nobody has to do that for you, and if your friend wants to plan a party, she doesn't have to be MOH to do that.

    If you already told your sister she is MOH, it would be a relationship-ending or relationship-damaging move to demote her.  If this other friend is equally as special to you, you could make them both MOH.  But I'm sure your friend will understand that the MOH title goes to your sister and family, and BM is an honor for her.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Your MOH and your BMs are not required to plan you any parties. Ask your sister to be MOH. As a PP said, this is a non-issue. 
  • beethery said:
    BMs, MOHs are not required to plan parties. 

    I don't recommend 'taking the title away' from your sister, because that is pretty harsh, especially because it is just over her social abilities or willingness to plan a party.
    THIS.

    My FI is having his brother as his Best Man. He is a shy guy who doesn't really party, drink, etc. Some of FI's groomsmen are planning his bach party but everyone is included. They are just "taking charge" so to speak. Perhaps your BM will take care of this, although a shower and bachelorette party aren't required.


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  • I love my little sister, but shes very anti social. I want her to be my MOH because she's important to me, except she has no interest in planning or parties. I want her to have the MOH title because, well, shes family. My only other BM is my friend who's much more into the planning aspect and doing things like the bridal shower and bachelorette party. I can't expect her to do the planning when she's not MOH, but I know my sister wont. Can I take the title away from my sister (dont want to)
    or can I just not have titles? So conflicted!!
    You shouldn't expect anybody to do any planning for you. The only people responsible for planning your wedding are you and your FI. Anybody who isn't you can throw a shower or a bachelorette party for you. 
  • Don't take away her title. Don't promote someone. Let the cards fall. If someone plans you a shower, that's great. I bet your mom or BMs will step in if your sister doesn't know what to do or start to plan one though.
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  • my other BM wants to do the parties. She's excited about it. My sister has zero interest in being in the wedding party, it was more my parents idea. My BM is my best friend, and her mom is my coworker and they want to plan it together, my sister told me she doesn't care. she really wants nothing to do with my wedding, shes fighting me about wearing a dress, and being done up for the day. I want her in my wedding because shes important to me. She tells me she doesn't care about being MOH, but i know that if I make the other girl MOH she'll feel rejected. Maybe I will just ditch the titles and just let what happen, happen
  • For the people who say it would be relationship ending to demote her, dont know the situation. She really doesn't care.
    I don't expect parties, i just know that the other girl told me her and her mom are doing the parties. I never told her to, or asked her to. She WANTS to.
  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    For the people who say it would be relationship ending to demote her, dont know the situation. She really doesn't care.
    I don't expect parties, i just know that the other girl told me her and her mom are doing the parties. I never told her to, or asked her to. She WANTS to.
    Wait....so what in the world is the issue?  Make your sister MOH.  If BM decides to plan something, cool.  If not, whatever.  It's not a requirement of anyone.

    I'm so confused about what the problem is.  I think this week has fried my brain.
    Anniversary

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  • BMs can throw parties if they choose, that's perfectly fine. MOH doesn't have to lead the charge for party planning.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • I'm sure your bridesmaids will take care of planning you a party if they want to, whether or not they are MOH. My little sister has autism and is the same way and the thought of loldemoting her because she won't be planning me any parties and probably not giving a toast is rather sickening.

    Actually, I think my other siblings are taking over because they know she won't do it and they still want me to have all those parties. I don't care about parties, I care about my loved ones. You should too. Use me for an example, because I am a good one.
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  • my other BM wants to do the parties. She's excited about it. My sister has zero interest in being in the wedding party, it was more my parents idea. My BM is my best friend, and her mom is my coworker and they want to plan it together, my sister told me she doesn't care. she really wants nothing to do with my wedding, shes fighting me about wearing a dress, and being done up for the day. I want her in my wedding because shes important to me. She tells me she doesn't care about being MOH, but i know that if I make the other girl MOH she'll feel rejected. Maybe I will just ditch the titles and just let what happen, happen
    See? Non issue since anyone can plan parties. Now you can move on from this non-problem and go have a margarita. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • my other BM wants to do the parties. She's excited about it. My sister has zero interest in being in the wedding party, it was more my parents idea. My BM is my best friend, and her mom is my coworker and they want to plan it together, my sister told me she doesn't care. she really wants nothing to do with my wedding, shes fighting me about wearing a dress, and being done up for the day. I want her in my wedding because shes important to me. She tells me she doesn't care about being MOH, but i know that if I make the other girl MOH she'll feel rejected. Maybe I will just ditch the titles and just let what happen, happen

    For the people who say it would be relationship ending to demote her, dont know the situation. She really doesn't care.
    I don't expect parties, i just know that the other girl told me her and her mom are doing the parties. I never told her to, or asked her to. She WANTS to.
    The bolded are conflicting. She either doesn't care about being part of the bridal party, or she does. You seem to suspect that despite her claims otherwise, she does care.  So ask her to be a bridesmaid. And tell her what the dress is. If she refuses to wear the dress, tell her she can be a guest, but that you are still going to have your friend as a bridesmaid. 

    If you already asked her to be a bridesmaid or MOH, then don't do anything. Since she doesn't seem to want to be very involved, don't talk about your wedding with her, and don't talk about dresses until you have made a decision/ its closer to when they may need to order a dress. Talking about it will end up annoying her, and frustrating you when you don't get the enthusiastic agreement you are looking for. 

    You can have two MOHs or just two bridesmaids. And anyone, even those not in your bridal party, can throw you a party. If your friend- bridesmaid and your friend's mom want to, then they can. 
  • Thank you.
    This is how she works. And she calls you out on it if you call her out on it. She says she doesn't care, but i know the second i make a decision regarding her and the wedding party, she'll run to my mom and complain. Kinda like a two faced thing, she just likes other people to fight her battles. I might just wind up ditching titles. Its important to FI to have a best man, however, at this point, I could care less. Maybe the two of them will just be bridesmaids and no one will have any titles past that. Friend bridesmaid wont care, she's happy just being involved. Sister bridesmaid can suck it up or sit with my parents.
  • You are making this so complicated. If you think she will get pissy for you to no longer call her (or anyone) MOH, keep her as the MOH, let your bestie plan your parties, and move on from this.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I am making this complicated LOL. I feel like I'm ruining everything, and by trying to avoid drama, I'm making more! I asked friend if she cared about being MOH or not and she says she really doesn't mind it. Since theres only two of them, its not like one can really be treated better than the other.
  • Just have them be co-maids of honor.  

    You're creating an issue where none exists.  
  • Sounds like you are closer to the friend than the sister.  Either leave things as they are (sister is MOH, friend is BM) or make them both MOH.  No problem.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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