Parents Names/Not Paying

katiem4993 · June 2014

My fiancee and I are paying for our wedding. How can I include our parents' names on the invite, but not as to indicate that they are paying?

Jen4948 · June 2014

katiem4993 said:

Jen4948, thanks for the response. So what does hosting actually mean? Like the people putting in ideas and organizing it?

It means being the point persons of the wedding. Just as at a party at one's home, one greets the guests and makes sure that their needs for food, drink, working bathrooms, and protection from the elements are taken care of, so does a wedding host. The wedding host is the person who makes the arrangements for the guests' needs to be met (not just pays for it), greets the guests on arrival, and makes sure the event goes the way it is supposed to. Some of what a wedding host does can be delegated to persons like coordinators, caterers, etc., but the hosts have the ultimate responsibility for the event.

The bride and groom can act as hosts, but in that instance the invitation is worded so that it appears to be "unhosted" in accordance with the rule that one doesn't host an event in one's own honor.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

Hosting typically means: sending the invitations, receiving the RSVPs, greeting the guests, tending to their needs, answering their questions, etc, or some combination therein.

If someone calls your parents and asks whether there's going to be a shuttle from the hotel to the venue, or if there's gluten in the chicken entree, will they know the answer? Or will they say "uh... idk, ask Katie." If they know the answer, even if they're not paying, that's a good sign that they're hosting.

If all of the parents are pitching in with some host-like responsibilities but is not really THE host, you could use "together with their parents" or "together with their families" wording.

southernbelle0915 · June 2014

Paying =/= hosting. So the first question would be, "are they hosting your wedding?" If they're not hosting your wedding (it sounds like they're not), their names don't go on the invitation.

If you are hosting, you could word it like this:

The honor of your presence (church) / The pleasure of your company (anywhere else)

is requested at the marriage of

Bride

to Groom

.

If you're looking for a way to include them but not confuse people as to who is hosting, put their names in a prominent place in the program, have them as part of the processional, give them boutonnieres/corsages, make sure they're in photos, etc.

Favouritecake · June 2014

Put an asterisk next to the parents' names, then at the bottom of the invite put as a key:

*not paying for wedding

Seriously!?!? Firstly I would never assume that because someone's parents are named on their invites that they paid for the wedding. It's 2014 and most weddings these days are paid for by many people and/or just the bride and groom. Second, if you're that concerned about making it clear that you are paying for the wedding then just leave their names off all together.

Jen4948 · June 2014

Favouritecake said:

Put an asterisk next to the parents' names, then at the bottom of the invite put as a key:

*not paying for wedding

Seriously!?!? Firstly I would never assume that because someone's parents are named on their invites that they paid for the wedding. It's 2014 and most weddings these days are paid for by many people and/or just the bride and groom. Second, if you're that concerned about making it clear that you are paying for the wedding then just leave their names off all together.

Many people assume that "paying" equals "hosting" and that the point of the invitation is to "honor" the parents. Neither is true, but this doesn't seem to be widespread knowledge. So I'd be gentle with the OP and assume she's coming from a good place rather than get snarky.

katiem4993 · June 2014

@Favouritecake, no need for a rude response. You're so angry over a wedding you're not even invited to attend.

It's a sincere question. I did think "hosting" meant paying for the wedding and every website writes that if you're "hosting" your wedding only your names go on the invite. I'm trying to include our parents names in a way that doesn't say "Katie's parents request the pleasure of your company to their daughter's wedding".

Jen4948 · June 2014

katiem4993 said:

@Favouritecake, no need for a rude response. You're so angry over a wedding you're not even invited to attend.

It's a sincere question. I did think "hosting" meant paying for the wedding and every website writes that if you're "hosting" your wedding only your names go on the invite. I'm trying to include our parents names in a way that doesn't say "Katie's parents request the pleasure of your company to their daughter's wedding".

@Katiem4993, the answer to this question is that if your parents aren't hosting, their names don't go on the invitation.

The only people whose names should be on there are the couples' and the hosts'. No other names should be on it. If you need to put your parents' names on something by way of "honoring" them, the place to do that is on a program. The invitation is not a playbill that maps out the family tree or lists all financial contributors. It is a communication to the guests, inviting them to an event and providing the logistical information (what, when, and where).

katiem4993 · June 2014

Jen4948, thanks for the response. So what does hosting actually mean? Like the people putting in ideas and organizing it?

katiem4993 · June 2014

Thanks! That's very helpful.

Favouritecake · June 2014

Sorry I was honestly trying to be funny, didn't mean to come off snarky! I see now that I was. My bad. My point was just that i don't think that people won't assume that parents are paying (no matter how they are put on the invite). Just me though. Though others may, which is why I see the point of the question. @katiem4993 I would put your names then say "along with" parents names, or 'with your respective parents blessing' etc.

Jen4948 · June 2014

Favouritecake said:

Sorry I was honestly trying to be funny, didn't mean to come off snarky! I see now that I was. My bad. My point was just that i don't think that people won't assume that parents are paying (no matter how they are put on the invite). Just me though. Though others may, which is why I see the point of the question. @katiem4993 I would put your names then say "along with" parents names, or 'with your respective parents blessing' etc.

Again, this doesn't go on an invitation if they're not hosting.

CMGragain · July 2014

It is not an honor to have your name printed on a wedding invitation, especially if your name does not belong on it in the first place! It does not "include" anyone!
The wedding invitation is a simple note from the HOSTS to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where. It is not a family tree. Since you are hosting your own wedding, this would be the proper wording.

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Brides Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

Reception to follow (Use this only if your ceremony and reception are in the same place.)
If you are having a church wedding, you "request the honour of your presence".
The only people who are honored by a wedding invitation is the guest who receives one.

Parents Names/Not Paying

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