Combining Thank You Cards?

ashley39 · July 2014

I know I should've sent out thank you cards right after my shower, but there just wasn't any time. My shower was only two weeks before the wedding, then I went out of town almost immediately for my bachelorette weekend, then when I got back I ended up having to find a new wedding dress and replace three members of the wedding party the week of the wedding. And in the middle of all that I had to fire an employee and prepare for being out of the office for a week for my honeymoon, so needless to say my stress level was at about 100%. Now that everything has settled down I need to get my thank you cards sent out. I know that typically you should send one thank you for a shower gift and another thank you for the wedding gift, but the majority of the guests at my shower didn't give a second gift for the wedding itself, not even a card. Can I send one thank you card for both the shower gift and for attending the wedding, since there's no additional gift or card to mention?

mysticl · July 2014

ashley39 said:

I know I should've sent out thank you cards right after my shower, but there just wasn't any time. My shower was only two weeks before the wedding, then I went out of town almost immediately for my bachelorette weekend, then when I got back I ended up having to find a new wedding dress and replace three members of the wedding party the week of the wedding. And in the middle of all that I had to fire an employee and prepare for being out of the office for a week for my honeymoon, so needless to say my stress level was at about 100%. Now that everything has settled down I need to get my thank you cards sent out. I know that typically you should send one thank you for a shower gift and another thank you for the wedding gift, but the majority of the guests at my shower didn't give a second gift for the wedding itself, not even a card. Can I send one thank you card for both the shower gift and for attending the wedding, since there's no additional gift or card to mention?

You don't send thank you notes for attending the wedding. I don't think it would be wrong to mention it was nice to see them at the wedding when you send the shower note.

misshart00 · July 2014

Lots of things to discuss, but I'll just say I agree with PP. You don't have to send thank you notes for attendance. Just get your cards out ASAP.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

ashley39 said:

I know I should've sent out thank you cards right after my shower, but there just wasn't any time. My shower was only two weeks before the wedding, then I went out of town almost immediately for my bachelorette weekend, then when I got back I ended up having to find a new wedding dress and replace three members of the wedding party the week of the wedding. And in the middle of all that I had to fire an employee and prepare for being out of the office for a week for my honeymoon, so needless to say my stress level was at about 100%. Now that everything has settled down I need to get my thank you cards sent out. I know that typically you should send one thank you for a shower gift and another thank you for the wedding gift, but the majority of the guests at my shower didn't give a second gift for the wedding itself, not even a card. Can I send one thank you card for both the shower gift and for attending the wedding, since there's no additional gift or card to mention?

Oh, honey. Don't you sound like a peach.

But actually to answer your question: it is rude to send a TY note for a guest who attended the wedding and did not give a gift, because it can come off as gift-grabby like you're pointing out they didn't give a gift (I'm sure you wouldn't intend that, but that's how it can be perceived).

Just send separate TY notes for the gifts received at the shower, and gifts received at the wedding. It sounds like you won't have much overlap anyway so it shouldn't be that bad. And do them quickly, those shower TY's especially.

banana468 · July 2014

Get them out and send them separately.

Unless you had a lot of people plotting against you, I think you brought some of this stress in yourself.

beethery · July 2014

ashley39 said:

I know I should've sent out thank you cards right after my shower, but there just wasn't any time. My shower was only two weeks before the wedding, then I went out of town almost immediately for my bachelorette weekend, then when I got back I ended up having to find a new wedding dress and replace three members of the wedding party the week of the wedding. And in the middle of all that I had to fire an employee and prepare for being out of the office for a week for my honeymoon, so needless to say my stress level was at about 100%. Now that everything has settled down I need to get my thank you cards sent out. I know that typically you should send one thank you for a shower gift and another thank you for the wedding gift, but the majority of the guests at my shower didn't give a second gift for the wedding itself, not even a card. Can I send one thank you card for both the shower gift and for attending the wedding, since there's no additional gift or card to mention?

What on earth happened to your dress?

ashley39 · July 2014

Wow, I'm not quite sure how I "brought this stress on myself"...I had to find a new dress because the store ordered the wrong size and it had to be taken in 3 sizes in order to fit, which unfortunately changed the shape of the dress so much that it didn't lay right, plus it ended up considerably shorter. And I had to replace 3 members of the wedding party because my husband's sister decided at the last minute that they weren't going to come after all. I don't really see how either of those issues can be considered my fault, but whatever.

I realize that it isn't a requirement to send thank yous to guests that didn't bring a gift, but the several people who didn't bring gifts did travel from out of town, so I would still like to thank them for taking the time to travel here and attend. I personally wouldn't be offended if I got a combination thank you card, I would just be glad to get a card, period, but you never know with some people.

Nymeru · July 2014

No one is going to mind a combination thank you card since the shower and wedding were so close together. Just get them out as soon as you can.

mysticl · July 2014

ashley39 said:

Wow, I'm not quite sure how I "brought this stress on myself"...I had to find a new dress because the store ordered the wrong size and it had to be taken in 3 sizes in order to fit, which unfortunately changed the shape of the dress so much that it didn't lay right, plus it ended up considerably shorter. And I had to replace 3 members of the wedding party because my husband's sister decided at the last minute that they weren't going to come after all. I don't really see how either of those issues can be considered my fault, but whatever.
I realize that it isn't a requirement to send thank yous to guests that didn't bring a gift, but the several people who didn't bring gifts did travel from out of town, so I would still like to thank them for taking the time to travel here and attend. I personally wouldn't be offended if I got a combination thank you card, I would just be glad to get a card, period, but you never know with some people.

It's your fault because you replaced them. You should not have done that. I'm sure the replacements felt so special knowing that they weren't close enough to you to be asked to be in the wedding in the first place but would good enough to be place fillers so you could have the right "look" when your first choice backed out.

Nymeru · July 2014

I think @banana468 was trying to say that it's considered extremely poor etiquette to replace people from your wedding party, so by doing so, you put unneeded stress on yourself. That was something that, technically speaking, you didn't have to do because it sends 2 messages: 1) the original members of the bridal party weren't actually all that important if they can be replaced so easily (which can be hurtful to those people, even if they can't make it) and 2) it emphasizes to the replacements that they're second-string and weren't important enough to be included from the get-go.

ashley39 · July 2014

I find it incredibly sad that you would feel that way. All of the members of our wedding party were originally family members, so it wasn't like we asked one friend over another or anything like that. The friends that ended up "filling in" weren't upset or offended at all, they were happy to be included and happy to help us out, because they're true friends. They understood that we weren't trying to slight them in any way, it was just going to be family standing up with us originally, that's all.

Thank you Nymeru for your post, I found it very helpful. Cards will be mailed Monday morning!

mysticl · July 2014

ashley39 said:

I find it incredibly sad that you would feel that way. All of the members of our wedding party were originally family members, so it wasn't like we asked one friend over another or anything like that. The friends that ended up "filling in" weren't upset or offended at all, they were happy to be included and happy to help us out, because they're true friends. They understood that we weren't trying to slight them in any way, it was just going to be family standing up with us originally, that's all.
Thank you Nymeru for your post, I found it very helpful. Cards will be mailed Monday morning!

Or they just didn't say anything to your face. And how did it "help you out"? All a bridal party does is stand there. That doesn't help you in any way.

ashley39 · July 2014

You don't know me, my friends, or the details of my wedding, so it doesn't speak very favorably of you that you would be so judgmental of strangers. But that's your problem, not mine. I'm done with this discussion. Thank you to the few members who were nice enough to post constructive and polite advice, I greatly appreciate it! Its because of members like you that I thought it would be a good idea to try posting a question to this forum, and I hope you continue to give great advice to future posts from other brides!

mysticl · July 2014

ashley39 said:

You don't know me, my friends, or the details of my wedding, so it doesn't speak very favorably of you that you would be so judgmental of strangers. But that's your problem, not mine. I'm done with this discussion. Thank you to the few members who were nice enough to post constructive and polite advice, I greatly appreciate it! Its because of members like you that I thought it would be a good idea to try posting a question to this forum, and I hope you continue to give great advice to future posts from other brides!

You're right no one here knows you. But if you have been reading posts on these forums you should have realized that saying you "had" to replace members of your bridal party would not go over well. And there was no need to mention it in your post. I find the fact that you had two weeks between your shower and wedding to make it perfectly understandable that thank you notes didn't get out right away. You could have left it at that and mentioned the other things that actually did make those two weeks hectic. Instead you posted something you should have known (if you've really been reading these boards) would be controversial.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

《 Insert foot stomp here 》

MNVegas · July 2014

It should not have taken you very long to write thank you cards after your shower. You had two weeks prior to your wedding and could have very easily written out a few a day which would have taken you minutes. People took time out of their busy lives to go buy you a shower gift. How would you feel if your guests said sorry but we were too busy to go buy you a shower gift. Pretty crappy right. Also why did you replace wedding party members? If someone had to drop out then so be it. You don't replace people that is just so inappropriate. Just because we don't know you does not mean we can infer things by the way you acted during this process.

chibiyui · July 2014

Lurkers: replacing wedding party members is stupid and unnecessarily stressful. If someone drops, just let it go.

banana468 · July 2014

scribe95 said:

Generally, unless someone died I'm not real into excuses for not mailing thank you cards. It is your obligation. You did not do it.

This. You CHOSE to replace those WP members. Sure it sucked that they backed out at the last minute and I'm sure that terminating an employee was no picnic either but unless you were working 80 hour work weeks for the two weeks prior to your wedding, you DID have the time to write the TY notes and opted not to do them.

I had two showers before my wedding. The TY notes for my first shower were sent within 2 days and the TY notes for the next shower were sent within the week. You need to prioritize things appropriately.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

Replacing wedding party members is just one of my rage issues. It's so disrespectful to your loved ones. Lurkers, just don't do it. You don't need even sides.

LondonLisa · July 2014

I'm going to agree with all the PP. If it was too stressful for you to write Thank You notes, you should have cancelled the shower or cancelled your bachelorette. You cannot be free enough to accept gifts and a party and then be too busy to say thank you. It doesn't work that way.

And yes, replacing your BMs was a really, really rude move.

Send your TY notes this week and pray that you have not done irreparable damage to your relationships of many of these people (including the people you have not thanked, your SIL, your B-Team bridesmaids and the whole slew of others that you were very rude to!).

[Deleted User] · July 2014

The reception is the Thank You to your guests for attending the wedding, so you do not need to send them a TY card for attending.

kgd7357 · July 2014

What is done is done. While you probably could have gotten them done, we can't fix that.

Only send thank you notes for the gifts. If they got both a shower and wedding gift and it was just that person I think you can combine. I wouldn't combine though if the gifts aren't from the exact same people.

For example: Aunt Sue got me a serving set for my shower. Uncle Joe and Aunt Sue wrote me a $100 check for the wedding. Aunt Sue got a TY card for the serving set. Both Uncle Joe and Aunt Sue got a thank you card for the "generous gift". Write two different notes. However if Aunt Sue was the only giver of the check, I think you can combine.

Combining Thank You Cards?

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