Texas-Dallas and Ft. Worth

Explain this to me...invitation drama

Hi! I've been a lurker for months and months, and I feel like this is the best place to get some unbiased truth. Sorry this is a little long.

I'm getting married in October, and my mother has not been involved in the wedding planning at all and they are not paying for any part of the wedding. She hasn't seen my dress or the venue. We don't have a bad relationship (we talk at least twice a week and she likes my fiancé), but she just isn't the type of mom to care about the details of my wedding, and I accept that. 

Fast forward to last week - I ordered my invitations from an etsy vendor, and I sent my mom the final proof because I was proud of the design and I thought they were beautiful. She sent me back an email saying that they are pretty. But later, she called me and told me that I was being "disrespectful" because I didn't out right name her and my dad in the invitation. We put "together with their parents", and she said that "anyone can be your parents". Basically, she said I was ungrateful for all the things she's done for me, and that I should be ashamed of myself.

I was dumbfounded. I had no idea that the wording of "together with their parents" is disrespectful, or would make my mom feel like I don't appreciate her. I don't think I can change these invitations. My question is, am I in the wrong? Is not naming my parents not showing them appreciation? Really confused.


Re: Explain this to me...invitation drama

  • It is not disrespectful. Many brides put on the invitations what you did. Your parents are over sensitive. Remember, this is you day, not theirs.
  • ^I agree with the above, although it is always a good idea to run that kind of thing by your parents for exactly this reason (or the opposite -- I wanted both sets of parents, but my ILs didn't think it was proper to have their names on the invites since they weren't paying for anything).

    Bottom line: It's your money, so you get the final say.  Your mom's feelings may be hurt, but it shouldn't be anything that an apology (for the misunderstanding -- you didn't do anything wrong) can't fix.

    Is it too late to change it?  Do you WANT to change it?  You could explain to your mom that you're just following normal invitation etiquette, which states that the person hosting is the person named on the invitation.  
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  • My invitations don't mention my parents at all. It just says "the honor of your presence is requested" or something like that. My fiance and I are paying for everything ourselves and I thought the only reason you would mention your parents is if they are the ones hosting (paying).

    I don't think it's disrespectful. I hope my parents don't think the same! I know they would help out if they could, but money is tight for them right now.
  • I didn't run it by my parents because they have had no interest in my wedding at all. That is why I was shocked it would even be a problem.

    The etsy vendor is not being responsive. I don't have a phone number for her, but I have sent multiple emails. If I can change it, I will. But if I can't, I'm not sure what I will do. This wedding is a PITA and I'm sick of spending money on it. So I probably will leave as is.

    Thanks for the replies.
  • Honestly, if she hasn't shown any interest and isn't contributing to the wedding, you are completely justfied. That wording doesn't slight anyone but it would help for her to know that the wording you chose is what you preferred for whatever reason. I guess it is better that you showed her the proof before she received the invite in the mail. I wouldn't change it just because she doesn't like the wording though. Being listed on the invitation is an indication of who is hosting, and it sounds like that is far from the case. I'm sorry that you have to deal with her pettiness :(

  • It's DEFINITELY not worth stressing over!  If she wants a say in the wording, she can pay for new ones for you.
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