How old is too old to be a flower girl/ ring bearer?

MnHGirl · July 2014

My wedding is in July of 2015 and we are starting to plan who will be in the WP. I have two older sisters who both have two kids (a boy and girl) and my FI has a older brother that has a daughter and one on the way (due in Nov). We were thinking that we would have one kid from each family (total of 3 kids) be in the wedding but how old is too old to be a flower girl/ ring bearer? My youngest nephew will be 4, and my youngest niece will be 2 at the time of our wedding so I know they will be cute being the flower girl/ ring bearer. Where I run into a age question is my FI niece will be 7. My mom suggested having her be a Jr bridesmaid but I don't think she would corporate walking up the aisle, standing for the ceremony, and then walking back down the aisle (I know at 7 kids are not "mature" but she acts way younger for her age and often does not listen or corporate well). At 7 would it be ok to have her walk with the younger ones as a flower girl? I would prefer to just use the two young one but we are trying to keep things even across the families. I'm probably just over thinking things but I just want to do the proper thing

Thanks everyone!

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

Honestly, I think 2 is way too young to be a flower girl. I think 4 or a VERY mature 3 year old is about as young as one should go.

As far as the 7 year old being too old, I think this all depends on her preference. If you want to involve her in the wedding, you could ask if she wants to be a FG. If she thinks it's a "baby job" then you may consider asking her to be a BM. I would have definitely wanted to be a FG at 7 years old.

MnHGirl · July 2014

Just wanted to add that my 3 year old nephew (will be 4 at the wedding) and I are really close and I see him almost weekly so I want him to be in the wedding (not just to be "cute"). I do not get to see my niece much because they live too far away but I am close to my sister.

My FI niece doesn't really like me much because I have scolded her a few times when we have watched her. She doesn't like authority and runs over her parents

NYCMercedes · July 2014

Two is way too young to be a flower girl. She will have no idea of what's she's doing, may have a fit, and certainly will not walk down the aisle by herself. She may not even walk down the aisle with her parent. Seven is perfect, but ask her if she wants to be a FG.

MnHGirl · July 2014

Thanks for the input! The 2-year old niece has a brother that will be 7 as well (my other nephew) so maybe it would be better to ask him instead. I know my 4-year old nephew will have no problem being a RB. He is as bold and not shy as they come!

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

MnHGirl said:

Thanks for the input! The 2-year old niece has a brother that will be 7 as well (my other nephew) so maybe it would be better to ask him instead. I know my 4-year old nephew will have no problem being a RB. He is as bold and not shy as they come!

Just a thought - you could have the 4 year old and 7 year old boys both be RBs. One could drop off "the ring" to the MOH (groom's ring) and one could drop off "the ring" to the BM (bride's ring). Might be a cute way to have both of them involved. If you want..

Jen4948 · July 2014

2 is too young. I think about 8 is the oldest I'd go for a flower girl or ring bearer.

Simky906 · July 2014

My 7 year old niece is going to be one of our FG's in September and she couldn't be more excited. I think as long as the 7 year old wants to do it, then you're perfectly fine having them as FG/RB.

Also, for what it's worth, my nephew will have just turned 2 and we are not having him in the wedding. He's a sweet little boy but he's just too young for it.

Viczaesar · July 2014

When I was 7/8/9 I was a flower girl in a bunch of weddings.

atlastmrsg · July 2014

If you're going to have a lot of children involved, make sure you've delegated who will be wrangling them to someone who has the time to do it. Getting them in one place, keeping them happy, making sure they know where they're going/what they're doing, and soothing when someone starts to cry is an important task that should have a person on it. A bridesmaid trying to get ready, etc. may not have time for this.

thelastdreamer · July 2014

Our ring bearer is 7. I think it's fine. I feel like 10 is too old.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

Our FG is 7, and I've seen some different weddings on line that used the grandmas as flower girls, good friends as flower girls, so I don't really think there is a "too old" so long as the person who is doing it wants to do so.

manateehugger · July 2014

Our FG was 7. She was super excited to do the job (and get a new dress).

She was in a bunch of the photos with the bridesmaids pre-ceremony too, which I think made her feel grown-up.

Just ask her if she'd like to do it.

mrscomposer · July 2014

I'm with @MagicInk - our flower girls are 17. They're our cousins who think that their greatest disappointment in life is that they never got to be flower girls before, and asked (just as a joke) if they could be when we announced our engagement. We think it's great, called them on it, and now they're jazzed out of their trees. They're also super excited to do the job (and get a new dress).

lilacck28 · July 2014

I think 7 is fine but... you don't really sound like you want her to be involved in your wedding (you've mentioned that she does not behave very well and did not react well to discipline a few times.) If that is the case, I would not involve her out of some obligation or desire to be nice or fair. She can be a guest and sit with her parents instead of being the responsibility of bridesmaids. This is possibly an unpopular opinion but... I have witnessed many flower girls misbehave during the ceremony. I'm sure the bride and groom were too blissed out to notice, but as an audience member, and particularly as a bridesmaid, it was damn distracting and upsetting. And this is coming from someone who loves kids, and teaches kids.

larrygaga · July 2014

I'm going to have a 13 year old as my flower girl. In my opinion, nobody is ever too old to do anything.

mrsmagicgeek · July 2014

I let my 13 year old daughter pick her own title. Last I heard, she was going with "Maid of Flowers".

vmj23 · July 2014

my flower girl was 7...as soon as I got engaged she got excited that she got to perform her flower duties again...she's been in a ton of wedding the last few years and loves getting to dress up and being included.

StitelME · July 2014

My flower girl is my 10 year old niece. I was concerned at first that she was too old but I realized that I wanted her involved and that she may not get to be again. She's super excited about being a flower girl and getting ready with all of the bridesmaids.

bananaananab · July 2014

Our flower girl was 9 and she was great. She loved posing in pictures, and passed flowers out to our guests on the ends of the aisle. We couldn't toss flowers onto the lawn, so I was glad she handled it well. Then she gathered leftover programs and fans because she felt it was her duty to make the ceremony space look pretty. I was appreciative of her kindness! Such a sweet girl!

bizzlebeth · July 2014

I will have 2 flower girls (both 5) and then a junior bridesmaid who will be 9 by the wedding. I'm not having the jr bridesmaid stand with the bridesmaids and moh, just going to sit after she walks down the aisle. I want to make sure she's involved and part of the wedding, but her younger sister is one of my flower girls and wanted to give them 2 separate jobs so they both feel special and important on the day. She's super excited about her grown-up role.

Originally my 9-year-old jr bridesmaid asked if she could hold my train coming down the aisle ala Pippa Middleton which I think would be super cute, but since I have a short dress that's not really an option

Again, like everyone said, it's completely up to you and nowadays, anything goes!

MnHGirl · August 2014

Thanks everyone for your input!

My FI really wants his niece involved so we will make it work and hopes she behaves. Her mom can sit at the front to watch her during the ceremony (as dad will be a groomsman),

Im thinking for pictures we will try to get the kids done quickly to avoid any meltdowns!!!

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

MnHGirl said:

Thanks everyone for your input!

My FI really wants his niece involved so we will make it work and hopes she behaves. Her mom can sit at the front to watch her during the ceremony (as dad will be a groomsman),

Im thinking for pictures we will try to get the kids done quickly to avoid any meltdowns!!!

Just a cautionary tale - I went to a wedding two weeks ago where the FG was 2.5 y/o. She had a meltdown right before the ceremony, refused to toss petals and walked down the aisle scowling with her arms crossed. Not cute. Immediately after, she screamed/cried and her mom had to leave the ceremony and take her home. Not fun for anyone. Is it worth it?

mrscomposer · August 2014

My sister got married this past weekend - her flower girl (2.5) and ringbearer (2) were the children of two of the bridesmaids. The plan was to have them walk with our brother just in case they needed someone, and bribe them with the fact that they were walking towards their mommies.

What ended up happening was ringbearer had a bit of a mini-meltdown as his mom started to leave him, so she just took his hand and he walked with her, happy as you please. It was totally adorable, because he had the (empty) ring box in his hand, and we had told him to "go take the ring box to J, okay?" So he had a bit of a cry, walked happily with his mom, and all we could see from the back of the church was J grinning and walking down the steps of the stage to get the ring box (he had done exactly what we had told him to do).

Little miss flower girl wasn't happy that her mom walked without her, but she's very close to our brother, so she snuggled with him while he carried her down the aisle and handed her off to her grandparents.

Jen4948 · August 2014

jsangel1018 said:

My sister got married this past weekend - her flower girl (2.5) and ringbearer (2) were the children of two of the bridesmaids. The plan was to have them walk with our brother just in case they needed someone, and bribe them with the fact that they were walking towards their mommies.

What ended up happening was ringbearer had a bit of a mini-meltdown as his mom started to leave him, so she just took his hand and he walked with her, happy as you please. It was totally adorable, because he had the (empty) ring box in his hand, and we had told him to "go take the ring box to J, okay?" So he had a bit of a cry, walked happily with his mom, and all we could see from the back of the church was J grinning and walking down the steps of the stage to get the ring box (he had done exactly what we had told him to do).

Little miss flower girl wasn't happy that her mom walked without her, but she's very close to our brother, so she snuggled with him while he carried her down the aisle and handed her off to her grandparents.

What's so "adorable" about 2 year olds crying at a wedding?

mrscomposer · August 2014

Jen4948 said:

jsangel1018 said:

My sister got married this past weekend - her flower girl (2.5) and ringbearer (2) were the children of two of the bridesmaids. The plan was to have them walk with our brother just in case they needed someone, and bribe them with the fact that they were walking towards their mommies.

What ended up happening was ringbearer had a bit of a mini-meltdown as his mom started to leave him, so she just took his hand and he walked with her, happy as you please. It was totally adorable, because he had the (empty) ring box in his hand, and we had told him to "go take the ring box to J, okay?" So he had a bit of a cry, walked happily with his mom, and all we could see from the back of the church was J grinning and walking down the steps of the stage to get the ring box (he had done exactly what we had told him to do).

Little miss flower girl wasn't happy that her mom walked without her, but she's very close to our brother, so she snuggled with him while he carried her down the aisle and handed her off to her grandparents.

What's so "adorable" about 2 year olds crying at a wedding?

so she just took his hand and he walked with her, happy as you please. It was totally adorable, because he had the (empty) ring box in his hand, and we had told him to "go take the ring box to J, okay?" So he had a bit of a cry, walked happily with his mom, and all we could see from the back of the church was J grinning and walking down the steps of the stage to get the ring box (he had done exactly what we had told him to do).

Little miss flower girl wasn't happy that her mom walked without her, but she's very close to our brother, so she snuggled with him while he carried her down the aisle and handed her off to her grandparents.

SITB

Crying children at weddings aren't adorable. Crying children who have their problems solved for them and then stop crying and continue on to be adorable are adorable.

How old is too old to be a flower girl/ ring bearer?

Re: How old is too old to be a flower girl/ ring bearer?

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