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Jewish Weddings

Number of people who want to see us sign the ketubah?

Hi all, I'm hoping for some advice/experience on this. This past weekend I found out that FI is assuming that "anyone that is already at the venue before the ceremony" would be welcome to be in the room for the ketubah signing and bedeken. Apparently, this is the custom with his family and circle of friends. I, on the other hand, was assuming it would be relatively small, with only our rabbi, parents, his 2 siblings and their SO/families, and our two designated witnesses. FI was thinking it would need to be held in a room large enough for 30-50 people. He says that some of his aunts/uncles will be offended if we don't have it open to everyone. I would feel more comfortable with having just immediate family, and for some other (more silly) reasons: ie, me wanting as few people as possible to see me in my dress before the ceremony starts, I don't want to worry about if I should greet all of them/get sidetracked talking with them when I feel like I should be (mentally) preparing for the ceremony, etc. FTR, FI is on my side/understands, he just knows that it will cause friction on his side of the family that he (we) would like to avoid that as possible. We've already (willingly) made some large concessions/compromises (month and day of wedding, food options) over the course of planning the wedding to accommodate this group of aunts and uncles because of their religious beliefs. Is this a foolish hill to die on? Is it usually traditional for extended family to be present when the bride and groom sign the ketubah and I'm the random one whose family does it different? I grew up Reform and have never been present for it at my cousins weddings (also never have been in any of the formal photos at cousins weddings - FI's extended family have already asked me that time they should plan on being ready for photos, completely took me by surprise), perhaps it's more common in Orthodox and/or Conservative groups?
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Re: Number of people who want to see us sign the ketubah?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    As far as I know, it's a "know your family/guests" thing.  As with your situation, some families make a custom of having all extended relatives present; others don't.  My brother and SIL did an "extended family and wedding party members but not all guests" ketubah signing.

    In your situation, I'd make another compromise where extended relatives and wedding party members, but not all wedding guests at large, are welcome to attend the ketubah signing, and that the ketubah signing is not "announced" as a wedding event that everyone is invited to.  Just let them know that you aren't comfortable with that many people there because even if it is traditional for them, it isn't for you.
    casey8784
  • I agree with you on this, I thought that only close family and friends would be there for the ketubah signing. I don't understand why they would want to be there for the signing anyway since when you are under the chuppah, they read it out loud for everybody. There are going to be people who are not happy with everything at the wedding. It's really hard to please everybody and it sounds like you have already gone above and beyond to accommodate other peoples needs for YOUR wedding. I would keep it that only close relatives are allowed at the signing.
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