Snarky Brides

Kind of Over Getting Married!!!

Am I the only one who is over wedding planning?!?! On my end it's fine; we've been engaged since Oct 2013 and are getting married in May '15. I've had everything planned (except my band) since I think Feb. Just recently however I've been finding myself annoyed with others involved in the wedding. I've enjoyed the planning and fun that goes along with it. It started getting a little stressful since we have 10 weddings between Jan & June next year!!!!! Last night I had a break down though because of all the drama.
My FMiL is throwing a fit about paying for what is normally paid for by the groom's family (keep in mind she's a "wedding planner"). She told him she wasn't going to pay for my bouquet because she shouldn't have to, but then said okay when she saw the price. She's throwing a fit about the rehearsal dinner and said I couldn't invite my guests but assumed those she wanted would be invited (who my Fi doesn't even talk to). Her latest thing is refusing to pay for groom's cake unless her ex-sister in law makes it.
My aunt, who wanted to throw me a couple's shower, is telling my matron of honor (who's my cousin) that it's an "extended family party" and my extended family and some of Fi family is invited, but not bridal party. Which doesn't even make it a wedding event. Now my aunt and cousin are fighting! So I told her to cancel it. Now I feel horrible. But this same aunt is also throwing a fit because she's being asked to put up money for my bridal shower since her daughter (my goddaughter) is in the wedding. She's 12, but she's my "maid of honor" and my aunt was like "you have to put her in or she'll be devastated!" I don't know how to tell her she asked for this!
The Best Man wants to throw a Honey-Do shower, but has no idea what he's doing and won't take help! The idea he has so far is so tacky and ridiculous I don't even want to show up! (Supposedly my Fi, who works with above aunt, suggested they both work together to throw one nice Honey-Do, so fingers crossed something works out!)
Fi's Maw-maw won't show up to functions because she can't bring her dog!!!
To top it all off, my younger cousin got engaged a month before me and is getting married two months before me. Ever since I got engaged she's been throwing a fit that my family has paid more attention to me rather than her. She's made comments at family functions to my fiance about how no one cares about her and her wedding is ruined. Now she's started being all passive aggressive towards me making comments or flat out ignoring me. We used to be really close too, until I got engaged. I won't say anything because I don't like to bring it up, but it makes me feel like crap.
I'm to the point where I would rather throw the deposits out the window and elope!!!
Surprisingly my step-mom has really stepped up. I definitely thought she would be my biggest problem , but she's been the best!!!

Sorry it's long, but I needed to rant! I just thought weddings were supposed to be fun.

Re: Kind of Over Getting Married!!!

  • Dude, I'm starting to wish I had just picked a nice backyard and been done with it.
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  • izza2izza2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I think most brides feel this way at one point or another. During the first few months of our engagement we weren't ready to actually do anything - make decorations, even /buy/ decorations, and everyone was pushing us to do so. Eventually it got to the point where I began to feel that just eloping and having a back-yard BBQ would be so much easier and happier for everyone...

    Wedding are supposed to be fun -- it's just all of the stress behind the scenes that you never see unless you're actually the one(s) getting married that make them a lot less fun. xD
    I'm at the point - after having distant family and FI's son's mother's family stalk me via Facebook and spread rumors, and having people complain because there's no alcohol, and whatever else people can come up with issues over - that I just don't listen or care any more. That day is for me and my FI and no one else. As long as the two of us have a great time and tie the knot and nothing goes drastically wrong; I just don't care any more what people think we "should" or "shouldn't do" because it's what they want is to do, or not do.
  • The groom's family doesn't "have to" pay for anything. Neither does the bride's. That list/advice is horribly outdated.
  • rrusso6 said:
    Am I the only one who is over wedding planning?!?! On my end it's fine; we've been engaged since Oct 2013 and are getting married in May '15. I've had everything planned (except my band) since I think Feb. Just recently however I've been finding myself annoyed with others involved in the wedding. I've enjoyed the planning and fun that goes along with it. It started getting a little stressful since we have 10 weddings between Jan & June next year!!!!! Last night I had a break down though because of all the drama.
    My FMiL is throwing a fit about paying for what is normally paid for by the groom's family As @wrigleyville said, these traditional lists of who pays for what are terribly outdated and most people do not follow them anymore.  It's horribly rude to ask for money from family (bride or groom) for your wedding.  I hope she offered.  (keep in mind she's a "wedding planner"). She told him she wasn't going to pay for my bouquet because she shouldn't have to, but then said okay when she saw the price. She's throwing a fit about the rehearsal dinner and said I couldn't invite my guests but assumed those she wanted would be invited (who my Fi doesn't even talk to). Her latest thing is refusing to pay for groom's cake unless her ex-sister in law makes it. So, I understand your frustration: she says she would pay for certain things and now she doesn't want to.  But she's right, she "shouldn't have to" pay for anything.  If she wants to pay, it is a gift.  It sounds like she might be overextended and has committed to paying for too much.  Can you and Fi tell her, "We appreciate that you want to help, but it seems like maybe we've asked a bit too much of you.  Why don't you let us take care of the bouquet and the groom's cake?"  Then you can have whatever cake you want.
    My aunt, who wanted to throw me a couple's shower, is telling my matron of honor (who's my cousin) that it's an "extended family party" and my extended family and some of Fi family is invited, but not bridal party. Which doesn't even make it a wedding event. Now my aunt and cousin are fighting! So I told her to cancel it. Now I feel horrible.  This sounds like the right call.  I would also feel terrible having a shower and the host doesn't want to invite the BP.  Just be gracious about it and thank her for the offer, but explain you are not comfortable if your bridal party is not welcome.  Don't beat yourself up about this. But this same aunt is also throwing a fit because she's being asked to put up money for my bridal shower since her daughter (my goddaughter) is in the wedding. She's 12, but she's my "maid of honor" and my aunt was like "you have to put her in or she'll be devastated!" I don't know how to tell her she asked for this! This part is not okay at all.  Nobody must put up bridal shower money, MOH or not.  Whether or not your aunt asked for the 12-yo to be MOH.  MOH has no obligations besides to show up smiling in the appropriate dress, which was picked with her budget in mind.  I have a 15-yo BM and I'd NEVER ask her mom to put up money towards showers or anything else.  It was extremely rude of you, or anybody else, to ask for your aunt to contribute to the shower.  
    The Best Man wants to throw a Honey-Do shower, but has no idea what he's doing and won't take help! The idea he has so far is so tacky and ridiculous I don't even want to show up! (Supposedly my Fi, who works with above aunt, suggested they both work together to throw one nice Honey-Do, so fingers crossed something works out!) By honey-do, do you just mean a men's shower?  I hope this is not that Honey-Do thing where people buy tickets, because yeah, that would be tacky.  Please don't let the BM do this.
    Fi's Maw-maw won't show up to functions because she can't bring her dog!!!  Bummer.
    To top it all off, my younger cousin got engaged a month before me and is getting married two months before me.  Yay, how exciting!  Ever since I got engaged she's been throwing a fit that my family has paid more attention to me rather than her.  That sucks, but you can't control her actions. She's made comments at family functions to my fiance about how no one cares about her and her wedding is ruined. Now she's started being all passive aggressive towards me making comments or flat out ignoring me. We used to be really close too, until I got engaged. I won't say anything because I don't like to bring it up, but it makes me feel like crap.  That really sucks.  Just try to take the high road.  Ask her lots of questions about her wedding if you want to make her feel better.  You guys should be planning buddies-- it's fun to have someone else to bounce ideas off of!
    I'm to the point where I would rather throw the deposits out the window and elope!!!  So if you want... do it! :)
    Surprisingly my step-mom has really stepped up. I definitely thought she would be my biggest problem , but she's been the best!!!  Great!

    Sorry it's long, but I needed to rant! I just thought weddings were supposed to be fun.
    Wow, you've got a lot going on.  I'm sorry this is so stressful.

    It does sound like you maybe have too high expectations for people contributing financially.  Nobody but you and your Fi is obligated to pay for anything wedding-related.  Lots of MOHs do not throw showers because they can't afford it or don't want to.  And I think that by making a 12-yo your MOH, you accept that she can't afford that stuff.

    At this point you and your Fi just make a decision.  Do you really want to elope?  Or can you find a way to work through the issues?
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • I have all the main stuff planned and I feel like I'm running out the clock.  The days are doing so slow yet so quickly...I'm stuck in a messed up time vortex that never works in my favor.

    I'm sorry you have all that stuff going on at once.  Please know that people arent 'supposed' to pay for things anymore.  Try to budget it yourself as best you can.  The second people start dumping money into your affairs is the second they gain control of them, which will add to your stress.  Sounds like a lot of stress is money related for you.  Don't let other blow it out of proportion okay?
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  • I came very close to eloping, but I'm glad I stuck it out.  My wedding wasn't a happy day, but the 38 years following it was!  I outlived my FMIL!
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  • Rethink a 12 yr old MOH!!! You should have parked her at the guest book.
  • Rethink a 12 yr old MOH!!! You should have parked her at the guest book.
    I had a 13 year old MOH.  She stood there and looked happy and smiled for photos and did everything she should.  What is wrong with a young MOH?
  • Rethink a 12 yr old MOH!!! You should have parked her at the guest book.
    WTF.
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  • Rethink a 12 yr old MOH!!! You should have parked her at the guest book.
    I had a 13 year old MOH.  She stood there and looked happy and smiled for photos and did everything she should.  What is wrong with a young MOH?
    Absolutely nothing!  If you understand that, you know, she's going to stand there and look happy and smile.  Just like you did.  OP expecting her mom to pitch in for a shower.... um, no.

    And can we talk about the bolded?  I'm hoping this is sarcasm.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • ElcaBElcaB member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm not over the getting married part, but I am a tad stressed about the planning. A lot of little things are making the process frustrating, and I hate it that it's starting to taint it. I feel like planning, while bound to get stressful at time, should be a positive process. 

    We have two more days until our three month countdown, which also marks the last day we can get a 95% return on our venue payment. I've seriously contemplated it. 

    Anyway girl, hang in there. Slap yourself in the face and come to terms with the fact that this is your & FI's wedding and no one else's. Be polite but firm when you discuss any wedding-related plans. As long as you follow proper etiquette, you can run the show however you want to. You shouldn't let others interfere. 
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  • I was in my cousin’s wedding when I was 16.  We were not asked to pay for anything other than my dress.  Because I was in the wedding my mother did offer money to help cover the cost of the shower and it was graciously accepted.  I’m sorry but you don’t have any right to demand people are going to pay for any part of your wedding regardless of tradition.  

  • Rethink a 12 yr old MOH!!! You should have parked her at the guest book.
    Um, no.
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  • Minors just can't sign as witnesses right?  A 12 year old MOH is fine, just have someone else sign the legal docs (It is usually the MOH and the Best Man that sign that if I recall correctly)

    One of our groomsmen will be just turning 16 at the time of our wedding.  He isn't the best man though...
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  • Minors just can't sign as witnesses right?  A 12 year old MOH is fine, just have someone else sign the legal docs (It is usually the MOH and the Best Man that sign that if I recall correctly)


    One of our groomsmen will be just turning 16 at the time of our wedding.  He isn't the best man though...
    It depends. I know one state we looked at (Colorado I think) didn't require witnesses but if you had them there was no age requirement for them. That was a draw for us since my MOH is only 13.
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  • Rethink a 12 yr old MOH!!! You should have parked her at the guest book.

    I hope that's a joke, because seriously? No.
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  • Minors just can't sign as witnesses right?  A 12 year old MOH is fine, just have someone else sign the legal docs (It is usually the MOH and the Best Man that sign that if I recall correctly)

    One of our groomsmen will be just turning 16 at the time of our wedding.  He isn't the best man though...
    It depends. I know one state we looked at (Colorado I think) didn't require witnesses but if you had them there was no age requirement for them. That was a draw for us since my MOH is only 13.
    We didn't want to take chances so both witnesses are over 18.  I'm so paranoid this way.  I'm Canadian and when my friend got married I was required to sign and her husband's brother signed.  So I think Canada requires 2 witnesses.  It's interesting to me how it can vary by region so much.  
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  • I definitely hit that phase. I got excited again once we sent out invites and it all felt real. I really just can't wait for it all to be over and I kind of feel like an asshole when I keep telling people that. I mean, I'm really excited and it's going to be a fun day, but I'm just so tired of this consuming me! It's been nearly 18 months!
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  • Minors just can't sign as witnesses right?  A 12 year old MOH is fine, just have someone else sign the legal docs (It is usually the MOH and the Best Man that sign that if I recall correctly)

    One of our groomsmen will be just turning 16 at the time of our wedding.  He isn't the best man though...

    We didn't even have our MOH or BM sign as witnesses anyway.  We decided to honor our mothers by asking them to sign our license. They were so touched that they nearly cried when we asked them if they wanted to do it.  And it is very meaningful to us that they did that and were able to show their support in that way. And I'm sure having their names on there will be even more meaningful when they aren't around anymore.

    As far as kids in wedding party, I had a 6-year old bridesmaid, who did a wonderful job.  And she gave the most adorable speech at our reception, welcoming her new uncle to the family. True, you can't expect kids to plan showers, contribute money, or attend a wild bachelorette party. But their only duty as bridal party, whether as BM or MOH, is to show up in the proper attire. That is something they can do, assuming you, their parents or someone else agrees to purchase their attire if they are too young to do so themselves.

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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2014
    Rethink a 12 yr old MOH!!! You should have parked her at the guest book.
    I had a 13 year old MOH.  She stood there and looked happy and smiled for photos and did everything she should.  What is wrong with a young MOH?
    Absolutely nothing!  If you understand that, you know, she's going to stand there and look happy and smile.  Just like you did.  OP expecting her mom to pitch in for a shower.... um, no.

    And can we talk about the bolded?  I'm hoping this is sarcasm.
    Exactly, I was asking @Knottie9310365 what was wrong with a young MOH.

    And I was actually mistaken.  I had a 13-year-old BM.  My sister when she got married had our younger sister (who by then was 14) as her MOH.

    @goldchocobo. I think it depends on your state. My sister said she would have her MOH (the 14-year-old), sign the paperwork.  I told my sister to double-check whether it was legal, and my sister said it was.  We live in Alaska.  So it's worth checking to see if it's legal in (general) your state.

    If not, have a different BM sign it, or a parent.  Or whichever guest is your favorite. They are witnesses.  All that is required is that they witnessed the ceremony.
  • nicoann said:
    Minors just can't sign as witnesses right?  A 12 year old MOH is fine, just have someone else sign the legal docs (It is usually the MOH and the Best Man that sign that if I recall correctly)

    One of our groomsmen will be just turning 16 at the time of our wedding.  He isn't the best man though...

    We didn't even have our MOH or BM sign as witnesses anyway.  We decided to honor our mothers by asking them to sign our license. They were so touched that they nearly cried when we asked them if they wanted to do it.  And it is very meaningful to us that they did that and were able to show their support in that way. And I'm sure having their names on there will be even more meaningful when they aren't around anymore.

    As far as kids in wedding party, I had a 6-year old bridesmaid, who did a wonderful job.  And she gave the most adorable speech at our reception, welcoming her new uncle to the family. True, you can't expect kids to plan showers, contribute money, or attend a wild bachelorette party. But their only duty as bridal party, whether as BM or MOH, is to show up in the proper attire. That is something they can do, assuming you, their parents or someone else agrees to purchase their attire if they are too young to do so themselves.

    To the bolded: That is very touching!  What a wonderful way to honor your mothers :)
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  • What is a Honey-Do shower?!
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  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
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    This is why we are having an eight month engagement... Because why on earth would we wait?
  • I feel you on the money issues. It's so frustrating when someone offers to pay and you plan with that in mind and they then back out suddenly. I'm trying to work through that with my parents, who offered to pay for the wedding and have paid 50% of it and now, 3 weeks before the wedding, are slamming on the brakes. I wouldn't be freaking out so much if I had more than 3 weeks to figure out the remaining finances. At least in your case, there is still some time and options available for these things for you to adjust your plans. At this point, our deposits and any payments already made are basically lost.

    The money side of wedding planning is rarely fun and can be quite stressful, especially once other individuals get involved. Don't be like me and rely 100% on these people until it's too late. Start building Plan Bs.

    I wish you the best of luck figuring this out.

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