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Who gets RSVPs if both sides are contributing?

hayleyg83hayleyg83 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
So, I know that traditionally the bride's parents address goes on the outer envelope and for the RSVPs. But what if both sides (bride and groom) are paying for the wedding? My FI parent's are contributing more monetarily so should they're address be used? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I am almost thinking that I should just use the FI and I address. That way I get the RSVPs and can get started on the seating charts.

What would you do?
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Re: Who gets RSVPs if both sides are contributing?

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    hayleyg83hayleyg83 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I should clarify that both of our parents are helping but my future in-laws are contributing more money.
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Send them to wherever it's most convenient. In my case, I was living in the island sand the mail was awful at best. So we sent them to my mom. She is at home everyday anyway. She updated the spreadsheet on Google docs each day so when I got off work I just logged in and looked at the sheet.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    One person should be in charge of keeping track of RSVPs.  You can simply use the return address like this:

    The Doe-Smith Wedding
    Address
    City, State  zip
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Whoever is going to keep track should get them.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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    xoxmichaelaxoxxoxmichaelaxox member
    First Comment
    I had them all sent to me. I am pretty particular, so this way I know what is going on at all times.
    If you don't want the extra stress, traditionally you would have them sent to the mother of the bride's family, but l aggree with CMGragain, have the "to" be something neutral
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    julybride2015 said:
    I didn't realize there was etiquette behind who receives the RSVPs.   Both of sets of parents are contributing to our wedding, but I just assumed I would get the RSVPs because I'm the bride.   It's my responsibility to put together the seating charts, report the final guest count and meal numbers to the venue.   

    Honestly, I would have the sent to your house.  They're less likely to get lost if they're all returned to one address. 
    Generally the host of any party will get the RSVPs.  When you have multiple hosts then you have to decide who get the RSVP.

    For example, my mom and siblings and myself all hosted my dad's party.   We decided I would be the one to handle the RSVPs.  Mom could not do it because it was a surprise party and my dad was around.  Sister was busy with kid stuff.  Brothers, well they would do a horrible job - lol.  So I was it.

    Weddings are no different.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Since I was doing all the organizing, planning, and keeping track of everything, it made sense for them to come to us as opposed to my father who paid for everything.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    Alikat9614Alikat9614 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Our invites say "Together with their families, the honor of of your presence is requested..." My mom is paying for most of the wedding, my dad has contributed a bit, and FI and I are taking care of the rest. My parents live two states away from where we are getting married, so the RSVPs are coming to our house and are labeled The Targaryen- Stark Wedding. It may be silly, but I love checking the mail for those little envelopes every day!
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    Our RSVPs came to me.  That's been the norm for most of the weddings I've been to, regardless of which set of parents was paying for what.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Whatever etiquette is involved in who receives RSVPs has nothing to do with how the invitations are worded or who is paying for the wedding. (By the way, who is paying and how much is none of the guests' business.) It has to do with whom you wish to receive the RSVPs. For example, if the person listed as requesting the honor of the presence or the pleasure of the company of the guests lives on some rural route far away from the nearest post office, that might not be the best person to receive the RSVPs.
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