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Uneven wedding party...is it really that big of a deal

hales2010hales2010 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Party
I feel like I know the answer to this but I feel the need to rant a little and get everyones opinions. Every wedding I have been to (give or take maybe 1 or 2) have had uneven wedding parties. There was a greek wedding that I went to where there were 5 groomsmen and 18 bridesmaids. So now it comes to my wedding and I have just added bridesmaid number 6. My FI has 4 groomsmen. As stated above neither of us see a problem with this....but as always someone does. FMIL has been giving my FI crap about this stating that he needs more closer friend and almost bullying him about this. She has also stated I didnt need to add this one and that if my FI could not find another to match the first 5 then I would then need to kick out someone else out....that is not happening. I am not ruining friendships over one rude person. She has also said things about how awkward my wedding will look and how awful my wedding pictures will be with an uneven number. My FI has talked to his mom but she keeps on about this. I have asked many times if this is getting to him and it is not. He is in the same boat as me that once again that FMIL is being silly. I tried to make it even when I told her that my FSIL (who is currently a bridesmaid) could go stand on the groomside but that was taken as an insult quickly and thrown back in my face. I guess I just need to know is this really that big of deal. As stated above I really do not see it has being one...I just want opinions and what better place to that than here!
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Re: Uneven wedding party...is it really that big of a deal

  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    It is not a big deal at all.  Next time she brings it up, your FI simply needs to say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is what we have decided and that is final".  Then just refuse to engage her any longer on the matter. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Stop talking wedding with her. 

    Uneven sides is a total non-issue. This isn't the 80s.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    Your fiance needs to tell her the wedding party is chosen, it is none of her business, and that the subject is closed.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • hales2010hales2010 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    It was not really talking wedding to her. Since her daught (my FSIL) is in the wedding though she hears about things. The subject is closed with us and if she brings it up we just try to ignore it but that sadly does not stop her. Even when I leave she still continues on.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    hnbright2010 said:
    It was not really talking wedding to her. Since her daught (my FSIL) is in the wedding though she hears about things. The subject is closed with us and if she brings it up we just try to ignore it but that sadly does not stop her. Even when I leave she still continues on.
    That means it's time for your FI to start saying things like, "Mom, we have discussed this. The topic is closed. If you feel the need to continue to make comments on the issue, we will need to to end this discussion or leave."

    If you just keep engaging her on it, she has fuel to go on. Threaten to end conversation or vacate the premises if she doesn't stop. Let her know the topic is completely closed.
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    No it's not a big deal. I had 4 BM's and DH had 1 GM. Our pictures look amazing. It is the photographer's job to know how to pose people to make it look nice. Tell your FMIL that you will let your photographer do his/her job and it will be fine.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    No.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    No, it's not a big deal.  Your FMIL is trying to make it one.  Shut her down by not talking about the wedding with her.  Since she "hears things" from your FSIL about it, don't tell either of them any more than they absolutely have to know.  If she tries to instigate hassles with you, bean-dip her.  And your FI needs to tell her, "Mom, hnbright2010 and I have made our final decisions about our wedding party membership.  We have heard what you have to say about it, and I'm sorry you're not happy about it, but the subject is closed."
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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    If FMIL keeps telling you you need to kick people out so you'll have an even party, just tell her "great, your daughter is out. and you can explain to her why." I realize this is not an appropriate response, but i mean really. if my FMIL was being a total bitch to me about something so stupid, it would be almost impossible for me to not snap at her. uneven sides are completely normal. she needs to get over it.
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  • beachyone15beachyone15 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    hnbright2010 said:
    I feel like I know the answer to this but I feel the need to rant a little and get everyones opinions. Every wedding I have been to (give or take maybe 1 or 2) have had uneven wedding parties. There was a greek wedding that I went to where there were 5 groomsmen and 18 bridesmaids. So now it comes to my wedding and I have just added bridesmaid number 6. My FI has 4 groomsmen. As stated above neither of us see a problem with this....but as always someone does. FMIL has been giving my FI crap about this stating that he needs more closer friend and almost bullying him about this. She has also stated I didnt need to add this one and that if my FI could not find another to match the first 5 then I would then need to kick out someone else out....that is not happening. I am not ruining friendships over one rude person. She has also said things about how awkward my wedding will look and how awful my wedding pictures will be with an uneven number. My FI has talked to his mom but she keeps on about this. I have asked many times if this is getting to him and it is not. He is in the same boat as me that once again that FMIL is being silly. I tried to make it even when I told her that my FSIL (who is currently a bridesmaid) could go stand on the groomside but that was taken as an insult quickly and thrown back in my face. I guess I just need to know is this really that big of deal. As stated above I really do not see it has being one...I just want opinions and what better place to that than here!
    Damn!


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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would lie and tell her I'd evened out the sides, until the day of the wedding.
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  • bananaananabbananaananab member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited July 2014
    So what if it is uneven? It means you actually want the party to be there and not just be photo props. Maybe the FSIL  can wear a cute lady suit ;) 
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  • bizzlebethbizzlebeth member
    First Comment
    I'm running into the same problem - except it's my fiance who is the one who thinks we can't be uneven! He has 3 groomsmen while I only want my sister and best friend. I think it's fine and pictures will be cute with my bridesmaid with 2 guys down the aisle (what a pimp!)

    Also, HELP ME while we are on this topic... Originally, I would have 3 because I wanted his sister to be a bridesmaid and he doesn't want her in the wedding party... I tried explaining to him that once the wedding comes she's my sister too and it would look bad not to have her in the party (it's his only sibling). If he really doesn't want her in the wedding party I think he needs to let her know that I wanted her in it and it was his choice not to... thoughts?
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    bizzlebeth said:
    I'm running into the same problem - except it's my fiance who is the one who thinks we can't be uneven! He has 3 groomsmen while I only want my sister and best friend. I think it's fine and pictures will be cute with my bridesmaid with 2 guys down the aisle (what a pimp!)

    Also, HELP ME while we are on this topic... Originally, I would have 3 because I wanted his sister to be a bridesmaid and he doesn't want her in the wedding party... I tried explaining to him that once the wedding comes she's my sister too and it would look bad not to have her in the party (it's his only sibling). If he really doesn't want her in the wedding party I think he needs to let her know that I wanted her in it and it was his choice not to... thoughts?
    @bizzlebeth Well first, your fiance doesn't get a say in your bridesmaids. Second, are you close to his sister? If not, it's best not to have her as a bridesmaid. That can be awkward and a recipe for drama. It wont look bad - there's no requirements that siblings need to be in the wedding party. If you aren't close to her, it would make more sense for her to stand on your FI's side anyway. My FI's sister was not a bridesmaid. It was fine. No one cared or expected it - because she and I don't know each other very well.

    But no, dear Lord, don't sit her down to explain why she's not good enough to be in the wedding party. That would be super hurtful. If she ever asks why she's not in the wedding, have your FI talk to her brother to sister.
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