Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thank you note or no?

My bridal shower was this past weekend, and I am not sure if I should send a thank you note to one of my FI's relatives.  

She is an 84 year old great aunt who was not technically invited to the shower.  I had never met her, and FI wasn't going to be there. The shower was an hour and half from where she lives and she doesn't drive as well.  Given all of that, I thought it would be in poor taste to invite her to a gift giving event.

However, she heard about the shower from FI's aunt and wanted to come so she could meet me.  FI's aunt RSVP'd for the great aunt with my sister and friend (who were hosting) and was the one who actually brought her to the shower and introduced her to me.  The great aunt did not bring a gift or card, and was not penciled in on another family member's gifts or cards.

I know that people who don't bring a gift to the wedding do not get a thank you note because the reception is the thank you for coming to the wedding.  But what is the proper thing to do in this case?  I want to thank her for coming all that way just so she could meet me before the wedding, but certainly don't want to imply anything bad which I have seen can be the case when a thank you is sent and no gift was given.

Re: Thank you note or no?

  • I agree with the PP. Normally you write thank yous to those who give a gift, but she went out of her way to meet you and it was important to her. I say write her a thank you note, it may just make her day!
  • I would just write her a note saying how happy you were to meet her and how you are so excited to see her at the wedding. 
    This. It doesn't have to be a thank you note. In fact it's probably better if it's not on TY note stationary (inferring a gift), I'd probably just get one of those blank papyrus cards and write a note in there about how nice it was to meet her.
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  • Since when is it wrong to ever say thank you to anyone for anything?  No one in the history of language has ever gotten mad for being appreciated and given a hearty thank you.  Thank you isn't just for gifts.
  • Agreed with the previous posters. Also, I have a soft spot for little old ladies. They often lead very boring lives, and a sweet little gesture like a pretty Thank You note can seriously brighten their day.

     They can then show off to all their friends at the Bingo Hall or Senior Center, and get no end of mileage out of showing what thoughtful and lovely young relatives they have. The other old girls will be jealous, and this makes for great little old lady entertainment.

  • levieenroselevieenrose member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Agreed with PPs, especially jacques27 and ohannabelle.

    And on a side note: I don't care if our wedding reception was a "thank you." Everyone in attendance received a thank you card regardless of what they may or may not have brought with them. If you're not going to expect the reception to act as the sole appropriate thank you to people who brought a gift and/or card, why would you expect that for people who made an effort to show up, delay or cancel other plans, spent travel money and possibly work time, etc., to be there? And it's a chance for me to remind them I was paying attention to the fact that they had fun, met people, looked great, took time out of their busy lives (or even made special arrangements) to celebrate with us, and so on and so forth. 

    ETA: Grammar and posting to TK are impossible for me. sigh.

    Then happy I, that love and am beloved 
    Where I may not remove nor be removed.

     --William Shakespeare (Sonnet 25)

  • Yeah, for her it would be nice if you sent her a note saying you enjoyed meeting her, etc.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Thanks everyone!  I am glad it wasn't totally off base to want to send her a note.  I think I was just concerned because all I have are cards with "Thank You" printed on the front.  I don't have personal stationary or anything for just a general "nice to meet you" kind of thing, and it felt weird putting those sentiments in an obvious Thank You card.

    Thanks @southernbelle0915 for the reminder of the blank cards I can get individually at the store!  Those hadn't even occurred to me for some reason.  I will stop and pick one up to use.

    @ohannabelle @jean0715  My thoughts exactly!  I figured she, more than most, would really appreciate receiving a note.
  • Agreed with PPs, especially jacques27 and ohannabelle.

    And on a side note: I don't care if our wedding reception was a "thank you." Everyone in attendance received a thank you card regardless of what they may or may not have brought with them. If you're not going to expect the reception to act as the sole appropriate thank you to people who brought a gift and/or card, why would you expect that for people who made an effort to show up, delay or cancel other plans, spent travel money and possibly work time, etc., to be there? And it's a chance for me to remind them I was paying attention to the fact that they had fun, met people, looked great, took time out of their busy lives (or even made special arrangements) to celebrate with us, and so on and so forth. 


    ETA: Grammar and posting to TK are impossible for me. sigh.

    I may be in the box......

    The reception is the thank you for everyone attending your wedding ceremony. The thank you note is for the gift.

    For the op I agree with others that in this situation it would be lovely to send a note to this woman that you enjoyed meeting her and look forward to seeing her again at the wedding.
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