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How to include FSIL?

novella1186novella1186 member
First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I like my FSIL, and we get along, but I just don't know her that well. I was trying to keep the wedding party small (like 3 BMs) and ended up with 6 GMs, so I didn't ask her to be one. For a while I felt guilty, until one of my cousins realized I wasn't going to ask her to be a BM and her response was "Thank God! I finally get to go to a wedding and just hang out with no responsibilities!" I was considering making FSIL an usher or something until I heard that comment from my cousin. I thought maybe FI's sister would enjoy the wedding more if she just gets to hang out and not worry about anything? But then I go back and forth, because I want to include her and make her feel important, since she is FI's only sister. Would it be rude to ask her to be an usher? Do people even like being ushers?
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Re: How to include FSIL?

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    novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Sorry for the typos, my stupid web browser is not letting me edit. Will fix it later!
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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    novella1186 said:
    I like my FSIL, and we get along, but I just don't know her that well. I was trying to keep the wedding party small (like 3 BMs) and ended up with 6 GMs, so I didn't ask her to be one. For a while I felt guilty, until one of my cousins realized I wasn't going to ask her to be a BM and her response was "Thank God! I finally get to go to a wedding and just hang out with no responsibilities!" I was considering making FSIL an usher or something until I heard that comment from my cousin. I thought maybe FI's sister would enjoy the wedding more if she just gets to hang out and not worry about anything? But then I go back and forth, because I want to include her and make her feel important, since she is FI's only sister. Would it be rude to ask her to be an usher? Do people even like being ushers?
    I think generally no if the alternative is relaxing with family before the ceremony. What about asking her to be a reader during your ceremony?
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    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
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    Seems to me like she wants to be a guest. If you want to honor her, why not get her a corsage and make sure to get photos with her?
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    annathy03annathy03 member
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    You could ask her to do a reading in the ceremony or get her a corsage and get photos with her as PPs said. Outside of our reader and groomsmen/bridesmaids the only other "honor" role in my wedding was escorting my (widowed) mother down the aisle, if there is a family member who would need and want an escort (i.e. her mother or grandmother) that would be another nice way to include her in the processional.
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    JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
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    Agree with PPs.  Ask her to do a reading or, if she's musically inclined, to be a soloist.  If you are having a religious service, there may be more roles she could play, such as gift bearers for the Liturgy of the Eucharist in a Catholic Mass.  I don't think including her as an usher would be a terrible idea, but I also understand why it's not really an honor - and where I'm from, generally, groomsmen fulfill the usher role.

    Otherwise, get her a corsage, include her in pictures and be okay knowing that not every VIP can or should be included in a wedding ceremony.   There just aren't that many ways to involve people, even if you get super creative.
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    MandyMostMandyMost member
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    I would include her in everything that you're including the bridal party in, aside from the dress shopping. Like getting your nails done the day before, lunch the day before, clearly she'll already be invited to the rehearsal dinner, and then getting ready that day. And then make sure you're getting some family pics. If you're hiring a hair an make-up person, give her the option to get it done, too.
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