Second Weddings

2nd for me-3rd for him

I was married for 31 years. My fiancé has been married twice and this will be his 3rd. He's never had a traditional wedding or reception. We are both in our early 50's. Is it ok to have a traditional wedding and reception at a venue? Tia Denise
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Re: 2nd for me-3rd for him

  • edited July 2014
    Denise40 said:

    I was married for 31 years. My fiancé has been married twice and this will be his 3rd. He's never had a traditional wedding or reception. We are both in our early 50's. Is it ok to have a traditional wedding and reception at a venue?

    Tia
    Denise

    Congrats on finding love again Denise!!! I think if you want a traditional wedding/reception, then go for it!!! You may get some people who don't understand your desire for it, but it's their problem, not yours. You are a bride and want to celebrate your new chance at love :)

     







  • Thank you so much!
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  • If you want the look of a traditional wedding, some people will side eye, but as long as you're secure, carry on. Now, registries, showers, etc. That should be something you pass on. You guys have had a shot at the Kohl's, Pottery Barn, etc. chaos already. Host your guests well, however you decide to celebrate. Just don't expect them to buy into first wedding details like an expensive bachelor/bachelorette party, registries, etc. For example: I'd get a good laugh out of a 2nd/3rd wedding celebration where bride pays for huge, full on designer bridal ballgown...then has a cash bar. Or if she has a registry, bridal shower, etc. If I knew all that, I would not attend. If you can afford your first wedding type gown, venue, etc. and a great meal with alcohol that hosts your guests well, I'm down to party. If I have a really good time, I won't be thinking as much that a cocktail dress and small dinner party would be more appropriate for you.
  • If you want the look of a traditional wedding, some people will side eye, but as long as you're secure, carry on. Now, registries, showers, etc. That should be something you pass on. You guys have had a shot at the Kohl's, Pottery Barn, etc. chaos already. Host your guests well, however you decide to celebrate. Just don't expect them to buy into first wedding details like an expensive bachelor/bachelorette party, registries, etc. For example: I'd get a good laugh out of a 2nd/3rd wedding celebration where bride pays for huge, full on designer bridal ballgown...then has a cash bar. Or if she has a registry, bridal shower, etc. If I knew all that, I would not attend. If you can afford your first wedding type gown, venue, etc. and a great meal with alcohol that hosts your guests well, I'm down to party. If I have a really good time, I won't be thinking as much that a cocktail dress and small dinner party would be more appropriate for you.

    Thanks for your honesty.  I don't plan on any of the parties or registering.  I just bought my own house and have everything for it.  I just want close family and friends to help in the celebration and the ALCOHOL is on us!!
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  • I'm in.  Where's the party?!  :)
  • As usual, I agree completely with Jells.

    However, you are bride, this is a wedding...if you want to register there is nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't dream of attending a wedding and not give a gift just because it is second wedding or the couple is more mature. 

    If someone offers to host you shower, you don't have to decline it. You may choose to do so - I decline all offers of showers for my second wedding, but that was my choice. Etiquette wise any bride is allowed to register and have pre-wedding parties.

    You should never expect any guest to give a gift, which I realize you didn't suggests OP, you seem very gracious. But a PP seems to suggest by registering  or having a big wedding that a B&G would expect gifts, when no B&G young, old, first or fifth wedding - should expect gifts.

    And it doesn't matter if your dress is designer, a cash bar is always tacky. A registry is not tacky as it is merely a guide if guests want to give you a gift to celebrate your new marriage.

    Have your traditionally ceremony and venue reception, because your new marriage is just as deserving of celebrating as any other marriage. :)

    GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • As usual, I agree completely with Jells.

    However, you are bride, this is a wedding...if you want to register there is nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't dream of attending a wedding and not give a gift just because it is second wedding or the couple is more mature. 

    If someone offers to host you shower, you don't have to decline it. You may choose to do so - I decline all offers of showers for my second wedding, but that was my choice. Etiquette wise any bride is allowed to register and have pre-wedding parties.

    You should never expect any guest to give a gift, which I realize you didn't suggests OP, you seem very gracious. But a PP seems to suggest by registering  or having a big wedding that a B&G would expect gifts, when no B&G young, old, first or fifth wedding - should expect gifts.

    And it doesn't matter if your dress is designer, a cash bar is always tacky. A registry is not tacky as it is merely a guide if guests want to give you a gift to celebrate your new marriage.

    Have your traditionally ceremony and venue reception, because your new marriage is just as deserving of celebrating as any other marriage. :)

    GL!

    I totally agree.  I always thought that I would only be married 1 time and that that would have lasted forever, but as we know, life throws us a curve ball and we have to deal with what is thrown at us.  I never thought I would be planning another wedding.  We went and looked at a venue yesterday, dang they can be expensive, not like 35 years ago but this won is perfect.    It's very rustic and ceremony and reception on the same grounds just 2 different locations.  I just need to find an appropriate dress for my age but really want to be able to show off my cowboy boots, lol.  Any suggestions?  I am short and not a model, if you get my drift.

     

    Denise

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  • Love this: 

    image

    Some other options:

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    imageI always loved the J. Crew "Fontaine" wedding dress.  If you find one second hand, you could have a few layers chopped off to make it a short dress.

    image

    image

    That's what it looks like short.  I have the short version in brown, it isn't that voluminous.  But it definitely takes the right person/attitude to wear it.
  • Thank you so much! Those are all cute and I could wear cowboy boots with them!
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  • Those all all very cute!! Have fun choosing one @denise40!! :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • We are with you.  This is Adam's third marriage and my second.  Sometimes you just don't get it right.  We are doing exactly as we want to do.  It is okay to do whatever you feel comfortable, if people don't like it...they don't need to participate.  I really doubt anyone in my family with the exception of my grandmother will come to ours.   We are having a small outside ceremony (not because of it not being our first wedding, but because that is how we want it). We are having a reception.  We are going on a honeymoon.  I don't get people's issues with second marriages.  We're not asking for gifts...we don't care about them at all.  We want to share the experience.  
  • This is my first wedding, second marriage. This will be his 3rd. His first was a huge all-out large bridal party type wedding...NOT my style! He could care less about bridal parties. I'm making a dress (and yes it's going to be white!) Decor is mason jars we have in the shed and cotton and wildflowers from the neighbor's field. He has something special planned for our "altar" area that's a surprise. His only request was that his daughter was my MOH and I'm fine with that because I'm not close with my one and only sister. His BF is his best man. We hav everything set except the location. We're both from different states but live in another state. Everything will be held at his parents house or my dad's house. Our problem is that his parents (in their 70s) REFUSE to travel (yet they drive 3 hours one-way to shop all day). We offered plane tickets-nope. Even offered to drive down and get them the week before and make a mini road trip and still nope. They say they're "too old" to travel (BS! My great grandpa travelled to Europe at 94!). My argument is that my dad will be going in for major spinal surgery a month prior and won't be fully recovered and may not walk. Ugh...so much
    image
  • That sounds like a great @Knottie3937987 ‌ my parents are in their 70s and drive here in tx from Florida. Curious what the surprise is??
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  • This is my first wedding, second marriage. This will be his 3rd. His first was a huge all-out large bridal party type wedding...NOT my style! He could care less about bridal parties. I'm making a dress (and yes it's going to be white!) Decor is mason jars we have in the shed and cotton and wildflowers from the neighbor's field. He has something special planned for our "altar" area that's a surprise. His only request was that his daughter was my MOH and I'm fine with that because I'm not close with my one and only sister. His BF is his best man. We hav everything set except the location. We're both from different states but live in another state. Everything will be held at his parents house or my dad's house. Our problem is that his parents (in their 70s) REFUSE to travel (yet they drive 3 hours one-way to shop all day). We offered plane tickets-nope. Even offered to drive down and get them the week before and make a mini road trip and still nope. They say they're "too old" to travel (BS! My great grandpa travelled to Europe at 94!). My argument is that my dad will be going in for major spinal surgery a month prior and won't be fully recovered and may not walk. Ugh...so much

    Just wanted to say that if you're on your second marriage, you have had two weddings. Your first wedding may not have been what you envisioned, but it was still a wedding and the outcome of that wedding was a marriage.

    However, I hope that you upcoming wedding plans work out!

     







  • Jells-lol We went to courthouse-went back to work. So not really a wedding...
    Denise--see! If yours can do it I don't see why they can't! They have no severe health problems other than "being old" and having vision and slower mobility problems. They said they don't care if we have it in PA, but I feel like they're just trying to be nice...
    image
  • edited July 2014
    Jells-lol We went to courthouse-went back to work. So not really a wedding... Denise--see! If yours can do it I don't see why they can't! They have no severe health problems other than "being old" and having vision and slower mobility problems. They said they don't care if we have it in PA, but I feel like they're just trying to be nice...
    Please don't insult people who were married at a courthouse. It was most certainly was a wedding and to say otherwise is insulting. A wedding is the ceremony that results in a marriage, regardless of the location, attire, honeymoon or pomp and circumstance. :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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