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What does it take for a mom to feel included?

quotequeenquotequeen member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Today I sent our parents a mock-up of our invitation suite for their input before I order them.  My mom asked whose address is going on the RSVP cards and I said mine.  (It is sooooo much easier this way.)  Then my mom said that she feels "so left out."  I really don't know what else I can do to make her feel included other than give up on planning my own wedding (and it's a little late for that).  BTW, she lives in a different state so it's not really easy for us to work on stuff together.

She went with us to look at venues.  She went with me to pick out my dress.  She will be going with me to my fittings.  I have basically put her in charge of the flowers and the cake, and she will be meeting with those vendors on her own.  Is this not enough?  I don't know what else I can do!
Married 10/2/10
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Re: What does it take for a mom to feel included?

  • lizstill13lizstill13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Try asking her what exactly she means by "left out". Maybe it's not the acutal planning that she's feeling left out of, because it sounds like she's got a lot on her plate! Maybe it's just the whole "my little girl is getting married" thing coming out and she feels left behind because you are growing up and moving on.
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Her email says: "It is just that you are doing so much by yourself."
    Married 10/2/10
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  • future-mrsfuture-mrs member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe try talking to her more...I'm not honestly sure because it sounds like you are including her in a lot of stuff.  You could also just ask her, say "hey, I don't mean to make you feel left out, what else would you like to help with?"  And go over everything with her and where you're at with certain things, etc. 
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  • LauriacLauriac
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom picked the reception venue. She was there and had input at DJ, Photog and Florist appts. She helped pick out my wedding dress. She's going to all my fittings. She had the final say on the color/fabric of the BM dresses. She suggested the invitations. She hijacked the favors.

    I'm paying for almost all of it.

    And she STILL feels left out.

    I get a feeling that unless SHE'S the one going down the aisle in a white (or ivory as it were) dress, that she's going to be left out.

    It could be the same for your mom. Maybe it's not.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wish I had a mom like that. I would talk to her and ask her what else she wants to take off of you, that way you will know.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    qq - If you are an only daughter or first daughter getting married, your mom probably feels like she's being left out of your new life. I don't think that giving her any particular wedding duty is going to change that. Just continue to keep her updated on the plans as you have been doing. And reassure her that she is a very important part of your life.
                       
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  • kkayhkkayh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    "Today I sent our parents a mock-up of our invitation suite for their input before I order them. "

    Is this mandatory ( Etiquette)?
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-feel-included?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4eff05ea-3780-416b-9052-27d30d574b28Post:d874d7dc-5504-404d-bdf4-eeb031540284">Re: What does it take for a mom to feel included?</a>:
    [QUOTE]"Today I sent our parents a mock-up of our invitation suite for their input before I order them. " Is this mandatory (   Etiquette)?
    Posted by kkayh[/QUOTE]

    Nope!  Just seeing if anybody has a problem with the way we did them or notices any mistakes.
    Married 10/2/10
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  • KnibletKniblet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom lives over 1000 miles away.  FI and I have done everything on our own and I know that it bugs mom a little.  But I email the hell out of her and constantly send her pics and ask her opinion.  She seems okay with it now.
    vacation vacation vacation vacation
    It's almost here! Weeeeeeee!
    image
    my read shelf:
    Jaime's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    43/70 books read

    Back in June 2010...
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  • tommyandytommyandy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I recall another knottie who eased the mom stress by emailing the tackiest wedding stuff she could find to her mom & asking "What if we did this?"  It gave them something to laugh & talk about.  I've included 2 links below for inspiration.  HTH


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  • gailpetegailpete member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    When I got married, many years ago, I was in a separate city from my mom, so did most of the planning myself.  I know she felt left out in some ways because she was so far away.  We talked alot on the phone (in the days before e-mail!) andI tried to keep her in the loop.  It sounds like she is involved in a lot of the planning, but one thing you could possibly have her do so she feels more a part of things is to address the invitations for you. My mom did it for me and actually enjoyed it (besides she had beautiful handwriting). Just a thought.
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