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All over the map!

toni1835toni1835
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in 40-Plus Brides
We just got engaged and this is the first marriage for both of us.  I'm 46 and he's 40.  We are paying for the wedding ourselves and lots of people have been waiting for this to happen!  I'm excited but just don't want the stress.  And while I want a wedding, I don't want to break the bank. We are considering a backyard bash, a beach wedding with a party at a rented house afterwards or a coastal SC wedding.  I don't need a large wedding.  There would be no more than 50 or so guests.  And he would be happy to have just immediate family but I want more of a reception than just a nice dinner!  We are checking out venues now and weighing our options and budget.  I'm sure things will start to come together more once we narrow down exactly where we want to do this.
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Re: All over the map!

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    AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    First Comment
    Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

    I see you are in NC - I am here too!  If I may suggest a nice place, I looked at a historical house in Edenton, NC - it is on the bay, and just beautiful!  I think it is the Barker House - it is small, but has a really nice yard that can be used, a kitchen for food/catering, and would be a nice setting for an intimate wedding.  I think it was only $600 to rent.

    I was going to get married there, but there were alot of antiques, and H's family has alot of kids, so I decided the two together do not mix. 

    Anyway, Happy Planning!
    Anniversary
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    toni1835toni1835
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_all-over-the-map?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:6cc8e2b9-6f26-4636-8144-05f6e1e24361Post:a90d4a71-9c86-49e4-8b4d-f9f4d3986fb0">Re: All over the map!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I see you are in NC - I am here too!  If I may suggest a nice place, I looked at a historical house in Edenton, NC - it is on the bay, and just beautiful!  I think it is the Barker House - it is small, but has a really nice yard that can be used, a kitchen for food/catering, and would be a nice setting for an intimate wedding.  I think it was only $600 to rent. I was going to get married there, but there were alot of antiques, and H's family has alot of kids, so I decided the two together do not mix.  Anyway, Happy Planning!
    Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

    I will check it out.  Thank you.
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    RhnCasi419RhnCasi419 member
    First Comment
    Oh no you sound exactly like me a couple of months ago!  I feel your frustration still.  We were all over the map about what we were going to do.  We are from Massachusetts and those were our beginning plans to rent a house/mansion and have a 50-100 person get together with a catered buffet, but then once we looked into it we realized how expensive.  And if you want alcohol, liability issues.  We thought about the destination wedding.  We tossed back and forth about a 100 times.  It really was the low point in the planning, the beginning part.  All along I kept saying oh I don't care how we get married, but I really did deep down in side I did.  I'd never been married.  I wanted the white dress, and wedding related things and people celebrating with us.  Once in a lifetime kind of thing.  The most expensive dress I will ever buy in my lifetime.  Biggest part I will ever throw.  A genuine celebration of two people madly in love.  So, we decided on the "venue" a somewhat unique place that fits our personality - garden/estate historical mansion.  I am hoping for 80 ppl I want something intimate - we have 125 invites (that includes us 2).  Its the real thing, we are now looking at caterer proposals and it is a LOT of $$ no doubt about it.  I keep questioning whether this is the right thing to do.  I believe deep down inside it is.  Yup, we were all over the map too.  Whatever you decide make sure it comes from within and no outside sources.  Good luck.
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    RhnCasi419RhnCasi419 member
    First Comment
    Oh I forgot to add that we are close in age and similar age difference in our husbands to be.  I am 47, will be 48 when I say "I do" and he is 42, will be 43 the day after the wedding! 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    Pick a venue that fits you both and your budget. Make sure the day is about you and what you want. Once you start getting more details you'll figure out what is right for you. Have fun planning.
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    valkayevalkaye member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    We changed our wedding idea several times. First it was just us and two witnesses on a beach in FL, then it was the beach with about 30 people, then Key West, then we realized that we really wanted family there and didn't want to pay for all our kids to go, so then moved it back home. Once we found the chapel, which is amazing, we went all in and are having the whole she-bang. You will know the right place, when you find it 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    Congrats!!! Once you figure out your budget I would say check into the prices of making all your different options happen. Then you can figure out based on what costs are what fits your budget best.
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    headhurtheadhurt member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    We were the same way. First, it was Jamaica. Then, Key West on a beach. Then, it was Vegas. Finally, we decided that rather than just putting the cost of the wedding onto the family who would have to pay to travel to our wedding, we opted to do something closer to home and found a great venue. Nothing flashy or pretentious. Classy, yet casual...just like us. :-)
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    DanaLemon6DanaLemon6 member
    First Comment
    I am 40 and my Husband-to-be is 58.  We have been together over 17 years, have six fantastic kids (...that are all biologically ours, not a blended family) and we are just now getting married.  Why we have not been married to this point, is complicated and really none of anyone else's business, but why we are STILL together and why we are getting married is what I want to share with everyone.  I too, want the "real thing"!!  I have waited all my life, and these 17+ years in THIS relationship to do this, and frankly, I want it to be great.  But we have six kids and must of course pay for the wedding ourselves, so it has been a struggle to settle into spending this kind of money on "me" for anything short of a house or car....which would be for us:)  We have really made the wedding a family affair and I believe that many are looking forward to this, but most of all, our family is excited and looking forward to this wedding.  Settling on a guest list was by far the most difficult part of this process.  At this point in our collective lives, with the number of very active kids that we have, there are just tons and tons of people that it just "seems" we should invite, and then if you invite that person, you will need to invite this person...etc.  The wedding is in Sept. and still today, I am fussing with invites!  ugg...looking forward to being permanently past this part!  One idea that I did want to share is that we adopted a very fluid feel to the event.  No seating charts, no formal sit-down dinner, but rather a variety of seating possibilities, including some more traditional table and chair set-ups, some standing café tables, a kids section with picnic tables and seat/tables structured out of hale bays...the event is to be inside and out (hoping the weather holds out for us) since the venue is right on the river.  Like a previous writer put it, I do want the "celebration" of a life-time.  Interestingly, everyone keeps saying "It is your wedding, do what ever you want".  However, the amount of judgment applied to weddings and their details has been shocking!  No sooner would I come up with what I thought to be a great idea, only to find cruel and obnoxious reviews of ideas similar to the one I have initiated for myself to solve what ever "problem" had arisen.  It has been a roller-coaster for sure. 50somthing days to go....lots of stress yet to bare...but I am truly looking forward to that day!!  And I hope you do to.  
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