Snarky Brides

My bridal party is falling apart :(. XP

missmarissa14missmarissa14 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
edited July 2014 in Snarky Brides
Yesterday one of my bridesmaids (we will call her M) called me very upset. She told me that another BM (my Fiance's sister, let's call her D) was giving her major problems. M explained they were talking about my bachelorette party and that since she is a stay at home Mom with 2 weddings coming up she's not sure if she can afford it. D basically said there is 9 months to save for it so it shouldn't be a problem. It escalated from there and they got REALLY nasty towards each other. "Sorry you're a bored stay at home Mom" "F@ck off" "Karma is a bitch...." "The difference between you and your brother (the groom) is that he's a good person. Major difference" ......just SOME of the things that were said. It escalated so much that there was nothing that could be said to resolve the issue. I asked both of them to put their differences aside for ME. They just kept going. I begged D to send M an apology message to try and squash it. It said "M, I'm sorry it was a big miscommunication let's be adults and move on.".....to which M replied just defending and justifying herself. So the fighting carried on. M has gone back and fourth with me about five times in 24 hours on if she can be a BM or not. She even called me saying she still wanted to be a BM and then talked herself out of it in the same conversation. She even said she's not sure if she can even be a guest because D upset her so much. She thinks that D will cause drama no matter what. I feel as though what everyone is missing is how upset this is making ME! It's so childish and your spat with someone else is more important than putting it aside for my sake? Who's right and wrong doesn't even matter! This is literally the LAST thing I thought I would have to deal with. I have my friend of 20 years and my future sister in law....with me stuck in the middle. I feel sick to my stomach and I don't know what to do.

Re: My bridal party is falling apart :(. XP

  • I'm sorry this is happening. I think the best thing here would be to ask your FI to run interference with his sister, bbecause she was in the wrong to start with. It is none of her business what M does with her money, and if she can't afford an expensive party, she can't. I'm not excusing M, but I can see how her buttons could have been pushed by D. Your FI should tell his sister while he's sorry her feelings were hurt., but she needs to calm down and be civil for the sake of your wedding. You need to tell M, "look, I know D was out-of-line, but I r4eally want you to stand with me on wedding day. I'm sure D will act like an adult, and do not worry about the party." If they conti8nue to drag you into drama about the party-either of them- you need to shut it down quietly. Normally, I would not be a fan of dragging your FI into this kind of stuff, especially since you shouldn't be involved with the b party much at all, but this sems to have gotten out of hand, and I do believe your FI should deal with his family as I'm sure you don't want your MIL involved. You might also suggest to D you's like to do something less expensive because you don't want to strain anyone's budget-but then drop it.
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  • Yesterday one of my bridesmaids (we will call her M) called me very upset. She told me that another BM (my Fiance's sister, let's call her D) was giving her major problems. M explained they were talking about my bachelorette party and that since she is a stay at home Mom with 2 weddings coming up she's not sure if she can afford it. D basically said there is 9 months to save for it so it shouldn't be a problem. It escalated from there and they got REALLY nasty towards each other. "Sorry you're a bored stay at home Mom" "F@ck off" "Karma is a bitch...." "The difference between you and your brother (the groom) is that he's a good person. Major difference" ......just SOME of the things that were said. It escalated so much that there was nothing that could be said to resolve the issue. I asked both of them to put their differences aside for ME. They just kept going. I begged D to send M an apology message to try and squash it. It said "M, I'm sorry it was a big miscommunication let's be adults and move on.".....to which M replied just defending and justifying herself. So the fighting carried on. M has gone back and fourth with me about five times in 24 hours on if she can be a BM or not. She even called me saying she still wanted to be a BM and then talked herself out of it in the same conversation. She even said she's not sure if she can even be a guest because D upset her so much. She thinks that D will cause drama no matter what. I feel as though what everyone is missing is how upset this is making ME! It's so childish and your spat with someone else is more important than putting it aside for my sake? Who's right and wrong doesn't even matter! This is literally the LAST thing I thought I would have to deal with. I have my friend of 20 years and my future sister in law....with me stuck in the middle. I feel sick to my stomach and I don't know what to do.
    Take yourself out of the equation.  Don't ask either one of them to apologize to the other; this will be perceived as you taking sides.  I also respectfully disagree with @zizibet.  I don't think you should get your FI involved as it gets you further into this mess.  I would tell both of them that you don't want to hear about the disagreement further and really hope they can resolve this for the wedding.
  • If M can't put it aside and decides not to attend your wedding, it's her problem and she takes herself out of the wedding. She sounds incredibly juvenile. Stop letting her problem become your problem. I understand wanting to mediate but you've done that and M continues to act stubborn and immature. There's nothing you can do at this point except tell her she need to grow up and act like an adult at your wedding....if she decides to attend.
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  • I know. I just cannot believe a 20 year friendship is coming down to this over something so incredibly petty.
  • You have this on several boards. Do us a favor and put XP in the title so we know it's crossposted.
  • MegEn1MegEn1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    If it were me, I'd simply inform them both that the only requirements for being a bridesmaid is to show up, on time, in the dress, and without screaming, stomping, or fighting. As they're both adults, they need to figure out how to be able to do that.

    Then I'd step aside, and let them work it out, ignore each other, or fight to the death. As long as it all happens before the wedding.

    If they tried to drag me back into it, I'd just keep sending the same text: "Work it out."

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
  • You keep saying they are upsetting ME, and they should put it aside for ME. Well yes, if they could act like mature adults that would be great but unfortunately that doesn't always happen even if they love you. I was at a bachelorette party and the bride's cousin and another girl were both there and apparently had hated each other for ten years. Well the alcohol brought out the angst and the two grown ass 40 year olds with children and husbands (one a Dr.) started literally fistfighting in the bar. We all got thrown out and had to rearrange rides home to kept those 2 separated. Of course the rest of us were like "These psychos couldn't keep it together for Sara?!" but when someone is the psycho they aren't thinking clearly about you, only themselves. Hopefully this will blow over and they can just tolerate each other enough to still be in it.

                                                                     

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  • You mention the bachelorette party is 9 months away? So first, D and M need to STOP talking to each other for now. Tell them both to take a week or so to cool down and let this blow over. It's not your job to fix their shit. By the time the actual wedding rolls around, they probably will have forgotten all about this, so M threatening to drop out as a BM is really immature and dramatic. Tell her to chill out. Make it clear to D that no one is REQUIRED to attend the bachelorette party. The only thing a BM is required to do is show up on time for the wedding. If someone can't afford to attend the party, tell her not to make a big deal out of it and just leave them alone. I'm sure M already felt really bad not being able to join in, so there's no reason to make her feel worse. Do not get your FI involved. Everyone just needs to take a breather and gain a little perspective on this mess. Seems like two immature drama queens got worked up and put more thought into their insults than the real situation at hand. Don't be offended that they didn't consider you first. Drama queens seldom consider others. Doesn't mean they don't love you, just means they need to settle down.
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  • ugh. Sorry, I swear I had paragraphs.
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  • @novella1186 ugh me too on my original post, I hate when it does that!
    And I agree 100%......from talking to these ladies and reading what they actually wrote, M is being way over dramatic about it. But I am to the point now that I don't care. Be in my wedding or not. As long is there is no drama I don't care! I haven't discussed it with them since last week which I think it for the best.
    Several people in my personal life who I have talked to about this seem to think M doesn't want to be in the wedding. She is a BM in her Brother's wedding the weekend after mine and being tight on money can make juggling 2 weddings back to back difficult.
    I won't throw away a 20 year friendship over this. But I'm in a place now where it won't bother me if she isn't a BM if she feels that's the best decision. 

    I'm recovering from an injury sustained in a car accident, in the middle of settling on a house, planning this wedding....I don't have time for baby BS.  :) 
  • @missmarissa14 Yikes! Get well soon. I think you have the right attitude. If someone else wants to act dramatic and silly, don't let it drag you down. Unfortunately you can't stop your friends from occasionally being nuts. Good luck with all the stuff you have going on!
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  • Sucks :(

    I have been the bridesmaid being bitched at by other bridesmaids before..once because I wasn't contributing enough...sorry that I was recovering from a leg surgery that saved me from amputation.

    The second time was that I had to decline coming to the stagette due to living 5 hours away and being low on funds (Spending all my money on the custom BM gown plus travel and expenses for that wedding really cleaned me out)

    Rude people will find ways to be rude. It's not worth ending friendships over though. 
  • That stinks. I was in a wedding and one of the BMs was a jerk about my budget and basically mocked me for it. She left me in tears. But I acted with civility, smiled when she talked to me at showers, etc., vented to my mom/sisters and never once said anything to the bride.

    I get that M was upset by D and feelings are now hurt, but hopefully they can suck it up and act like adults.

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