Guests adding extra people to rsvp

vh2014 · August 2014

Oh wow... sorry for the long post... and there were paragraphs when I hit enter. Fail.

knottie7e05e9217d8ecb66 · August 2014

blondeej said:

I feel all of your pain... TRUST me. Dealing with the same issues... have some people say they're NOT coming because I didn't invite so and so. OMG are you kidding me?! Dictating who I invite to MY OWN wedding and if it isn't who YOU think should be - you boycott. AWESOME - please - humor me. :::facepalm:::

That's terrible. I was told by a family friend that they weren't coming because they didn't get a plus one. I have known this person since birth and you say this? Really? ...I gave her a plus one after being yelled at by my grandmother.

Also, my bridesmaid is feuding with a mutual friend, who has yet to send in her RSVP, respond to emails or texts...I'm assuming she isn't coming. WTFF!!!

People are the worst!!

knottie7e05e9217d8ecb66 · August 2014

vh2014 said:

I had 2 of these. One was our fault. We didn't know she was still seeing the guy and yes, he should be invited. I apologized and we put him on the list. The other though just happened. We invited the entire family (mom,dad, 2 kids) because the kids were in the wedding. We ONLY invited the kids in the wedding and those from out of town (2 close relatives). We actually talked to one couple and did the "we are encouraging local parents to look at it as a parents night out since we are having an evening wedding". So fast forward... we are just over 3 weeks out. All guests but 4 are accounted for. Couple we invited with kids are getting divorced (and have been since just after the STD went out in February) and it's pretty ugly. So Dad is picking one child up right after the ceremony and Mom informs us that she has invited the daughter of the very couple we talked to as her guest to "babysit" the other child during the wedding and then the child is going home with the invited daughter and the parents for a sleepover! (Not that it matters, but point is the "babysitter" isn't going back to the hotel or invited Mom's house to babysit for an after party or anything) Can I add that she didn't even ask before inviting her- she'd already ok'ed it with everyone but us and then added- "if it's a problem I'll pay for her". Ummm... that isn't the issue. Of course, I put my big girl panties on and just let it slide. But I really wanted to shout "you don't automatically get a +1 because you and your husband split up and ESPECIALLY not a child even if they are a "babysitter". You will be there... watch you kid or send them home with Dad like you are doing your 1st child". So yep... @cupcait927 Agreed. People are nuts. (Probably including me LOL) I think OP, the space limitations is a good answer. "we'd love for them to come but there just aren't enough seats for everyone we'd like to see"

The real issue is that people assume they can bring guests and not inform you....but the babysitter though? Unless I would have asked my bridesmaid about her friend, she would have just shown up and not have gotten a seat...oh, well...she isn't coming anyway.

My other bridesmaid broke up with her boyfriend around March, so he was off of the list. They didn't talk anymore and she was done. I figured, oh he isn't coming and it was confirmed, I can use this space for giving someone a +1. A few days ago, we're talking, and she says "oh, where is (ex-boyfriend) going to sit"....I just said f*** it and told her where ever.

knottie7e05e9217d8ecb66 · August 2014

Sorry for the babysitter situation, that really blows. Hopefully everything works out..

vh2014 · August 2014

missy5290 said:

Sorry for the babysitter situation, that really blows. Hopefully everything works out..

it will... down to 19 days so I'm at the "don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff" point.

I actually gave the babysitter kid #1's seat. Just floored me that she handled it like she did.

Sounds like things are going to work out for you too. Planning can be stressful enough without all these wrenches thrown in...

Fairyjen1 · August 2014

My Brother in law (sister's husband) keeps inviting people to my wedding. It's a package at Disneyland and we only get 20 spots total!

Fortunately for me he's invited people to other peoples events his whole life and most people who know him know to check with the hosts before accepting.

This has caused embarrassment for my sister. A couple weeks ago by BIL and sister were invited to go boating. BIL took it upon himself to invite a friend of his and my niece along. Niece and his friend got there and the hosts had to say sorry, but there's no more room on the boat. The owners of the boat had invited several couples, but didn't tell BIL he could invite other people. Needless to say my sister was ready to die of embarrassment. While I was out visiting them last weekend I heard him invite this same poor guy on another boating trip (different friend, apparently my sister's family has lots of friends with boats!), sort of, he asked him to be 'on call' so if there is room on the boat he can have him run over and get on it. The friend just shook his head and said he had plans.

He also asked this same friend to my wedding in front of me. My sister let him know the guest list was already set before I could say anything. He's also invited a cousin of his and her husband to my wedding. I like this couple and if I live closer I would hang out with them more, but our guest list is immediate family only. Fortunately his cousin knows him well and she told him loudly he can't invite people to wedding other than his own!. At this point it's more amusing than anything. My brother in law isn't a bad person, and I like him a lot, but he's sort of clueless when it comes to etiquette and hosting. His mother swears she didn't raise him that way and my sister says no matter what she says she has not been able to change him in this regard.

Thank goodness FI is much more etiquette aware!

allisoneliz · August 2014

missy5290 said:

For the most part, I've been telling people that due to space limitations, we are able to add more people to the list, but if spaces open up, we'll be glad to accommodate.

I told people this, and it didn't take long for me to wish I hadn't. Then again, how else do you respond to things like that?

We had a small-ish wedding (60 including us) which was just close family and friends. For MONTHS before the wedding I had distant relatives asking my mom if we'd had any cancellations, and if we did, would they be invited then. At one point my now DH said "if they really want to come that bad, maybe we should just invite them". We didn't - especially after the constant badgering!

Racheldh83 · August 2014

Fairyjen1 said:

My Brother in law (sister's husband) keeps inviting people to my wedding. It's a package at Disneyland and we only get 20 spots total!

Fortunately for me he's invited people to other peoples events his whole life and most people who know him know to check with the hosts before accepting.

This has caused embarrassment for my sister. A couple weeks ago by BIL and sister were invited to go boating. BIL took it upon himself to invite a friend of his and my niece along. Niece and his friend got there and the hosts had to say sorry, but there's no more room on the boat. The owners of the boat had invited several couples, but didn't tell BIL he could invite other people. Needless to say my sister was ready to die of embarrassment. While I was out visiting them last weekend I heard him invite this same poor guy on another boating trip (different friend, apparently my sister's family has lots of friends with boats!), sort of, he asked him to be 'on call' so if there is room on the boat he can have him run over and get on it. The friend just shook his head and said he had plans.

He also asked this same friend to my wedding in front of me. My sister let him know the guest list was already set before I could say anything. He's also invited a cousin of his and her husband to my wedding. I like this couple and if I live closer I would hang out with them more, but our guest list is immediate family only. Fortunately his cousin knows him well and she told him loudly he can't invite people to wedding other than his own!. At this point it's more amusing than anything. My brother in law isn't a bad person, and I like him a lot, but he's sort of clueless when it comes to etiquette and hosting. His mother swears she didn't raise him that way and my sister says no matter what she says she has not been able to change him in this regard.

Thank goodness FI is much more etiquette aware!

Lol poor guy really has no clue I'm glad you wrote this light hearted it made me smile

Guests adding extra people to rsvp

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