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Someone invited her rando friend to my bachelorette.

ashley8918ashley8918 member
First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
in Snarky Brides
Ugh. I just can't catch a wedding-related break lately. I have already chosen not to do anything about this and let it go, because it's not a "hill worth dying on" in my opinion, but i'm going to snark on it anyway.

A friend, who is invited to the bachelorette (which I am obviously not hosting) calls me (not the host... why?) the other day to tell me that she has invited a friend (who I don't know and who is not invited to the wedding, clearly) because she "doesn't want to drive on the highway alone - I hope you don't mind! Don't be mad at me!". UM...

So,
1) Uh, don't take the highway? That's not the only way to get into the city (only 20ish minutes away, by the way. This isn't any sort of destination party.)
2) regardless, YOU CAN'T JUST INVITE PEOPLE.

I seriously do not get this at all. Decline if you are so uncomfortable. I would NEVER assume or even ask if was okay to invite someone else to an event like this.
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Re: Someone invited her rando friend to my bachelorette.

  • novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Does she not know the other BMs? (Couldn't she have car pooled with one of them?) I agree, this is a bit of a strange thing to do... to bring a total stranger to a party that's specifically for the bride? I don't know the etiquette on this but I personally wouldn't do it because it would seem like it's out of bounds. I'm sorry, that's lame.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    novella1186 said:
    Does she not know the other BMs? (Couldn't she have car pooled with one of them?) I agree, this is a bit of a strange thing to do... to bring a total stranger to a party that's specifically for the bride? I don't know the etiquette on this but I personally wouldn't do it because it would seem like it's out of bounds. I'm sorry, that's lame.
    She's not BFFs with any of them, but she certainly knows them and could have carpooled with them (or me!). The whole thing is just really bizarre. I don't know how anyone could think this was a good idea.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment First Answer
    What grown adult can't drive on the highway by themselves?  Or couldn't they carpool with someone else who is driving/attending?? Or ask someone to drop her off?  Weird....
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Why didn't she ask you first instead of saying, "Hope you aren't mad at me!" Is she eight-years old? Also, if she's worried about drinking, she could have arranged a DD among the other guests or figured out public transit (if that's an option in your area).
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    @AlisonM23 I honestly have no idea. I mean, I kind of get the discomfort... sort of. For example I CAN NOT EVER parallel park. I just can't do it. So, if i'm going to a place where I know I will have to parallel park, I will try my hardest to arrange carpooling/some other ride, find an alternate parking location and walk,  or take public transportation. I would NEVER use my lack of basic parking ability as an excuse to be rude.

    @wrigleyville I was wondering the same thing. It still would have been uncomfortable for me to be asked, but it is much better than just assuming. 

    I'm pretty sure you have said you were in the Chicago area before (and your name certainly indicates it :p), so you are probably familiar with the area. The party is in Rosemont, and we all live in other NW suburbs that are very close. So, public transportation is definitely a viable option.
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2014
    Oh, for crying out loud, yeah.

    I mean, 90 sucks, so I'll give her that, but that's why we have Metra, PACE, and the CTA.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    wrigleyville said:
    Oh, for crying out loud, yeah.

    I mean, 90 sucks, so I'll give her that, but that's why we have Metra, PACE, and the CTA.
    Exactly! Not to mention, there are definitely ways to avoid 90 if you do drive (I usually do, if possible). It's just really bizarre. Especially as she has always stuck me as a very considerate person.
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  • Marzipan13Marzipan13 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Wow, dude.  I'm pissed at her for you.  I hope this all turns out alright, even if it means aforementioned-BM not coming to the party. 
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    This happened many years ago to my friend at her bachelorette party. A friend of the bride asked if she could bring her friend with her (even though she knew most of us that were going, just not BFFs). The bride was like you, whatever. However, I think that random came to the wedding as a guest of that friend. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Totally ridiculous. Snark away!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment First Answer
    ashley8918 I'm with you on the parallel parking :)
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If she was uncomfortable with the arrangements, she should have asked you first.  

    That being said, is Ms. Random coming to anyone's house or hotel suite for activities? Or is she only coming to a public place?  If she was only coming to a restaurant or bar, I'd be less bothered. Coming to a private home or hotel suite is extremely weird. 
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    thisismynickname said:
    If she was uncomfortable with the arrangements, she should have asked you first.  

    That being said, is Ms. Random coming to anyone's house or hotel suite for activities? Or is she only coming to a public place?  If she was only coming to a restaurant or bar, I'd be less bothered. Coming to a private home or hotel suite is extremely weird. 
    Totally agreed. I'm not completely sure because I didn't get all of the details. The plan is to have everyone meet at our (mine and man of honor's) hotel room, play some games, eat, have jello shots, etc. and then head to the bars. So, there is a good chance that she is bringing this chick (I don't even know her name) to the hotel.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    huskypuppy14 said:
    This happened many years ago to my friend at her bachelorette party. A friend of the bride asked if she could bring her friend with her (even though she knew most of us that were going, just not BFFs). The bride was like you, whatever. However, I think that random came to the wedding as a guest of that friend. 
    Jeez, people are nuts.

    She definitely wont be coming to the wedding as this particular friend was invited with her boyfriend. Weird. But, whatever. Not worth fighting over. I'm sure the rando friend will be uncomfortable anyway. I know I would be at a stranger's bachelorette party.
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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Why is she calling you?  I would have told her to call whoever is hosting the party - I then would have called the host and told them I wasn't really comfortable with randoms coming to my bachelorette. We are having a small group, and my ladies run a tough ship - so they would say "ummm, no" to this girl and make sure I didn't have to deal with a random crashing our party!
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    ashley8918 said:
    thisismynickname said:
    If she was uncomfortable with the arrangements, she should have asked you first.  

    That being said, is Ms. Random coming to anyone's house or hotel suite for activities? Or is she only coming to a public place?  If she was only coming to a restaurant or bar, I'd be less bothered. Coming to a private home or hotel suite is extremely weird. 
    Totally agreed. I'm not completely sure because I didn't get all of the details. The plan is to have everyone meet at our (mine and man of honor's) hotel room, play some games, eat, have jello shots, etc. and then head to the bars. So, there is a good chance that she is bringing this chick (I don't even know her name) to the hotel.
    Wow. That's just extra weird. I don't think you would be out of line to let her know it's not cool. Not liking the highway isn't a very good excuse for this behavior, either. I would not want some rando sitting in the hotel room with me for my own bachelorette party. Awkward. 
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    pinkcow13 said:
    I think it's awkward that the Rando friend is going in the first place! I certainly would NOT be going to some random chick's bachelorette party just because a mutual friend can't go by herself. I'm not her damn mommy.
    This. So much. Depending on how close we are, I might offer to give her a ride to the party and then find something else to do until she was ready for me to pick her up, but I certainly wouldn't attend the party itself. I'd feel so awkward.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    abbyj700 said:
    Why is she calling you?  I would have told her to call whoever is hosting the party - I then would have called the host and told them I wasn't really comfortable with randoms coming to my bachelorette. We are having a small group, and my ladies run a tough ship - so they would say "ummm, no" to this girl and make sure I didn't have to deal with a random crashing our party!
    I so wish I would have thought of this when she called me. Now that I already gave her a super weak "I guess" I feel like it is too late. UGH.
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  • hellohkbhellohkb mod
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I can't drive on the highway either but I would have just asked if I could ride with you, the bride. =/ I can see the desperation because just thinking about driving on the highway makes me feel ill but I'm not quite sure if I would just bring a random friend!


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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I really do wonder what this random friend was told by your friend. I wouldn't want to attend a party I thought I was invited to just so I could drive someone.
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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I feel bad for the random friend! My guess is your BM guilted her into coming. I would feel so awkward. How many people are you planning on attending?
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Simply Fated said:
    I really do wonder what this random friend was told by your friend. I wouldn't want to attend a party I thought I was invited to just so I could drive someone.
    I am curious about this too. I mean, she can't possibly think she was actually invited. We have never even met!
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    hellokellybean said:
    I can't drive on the highway either but I would have just asked if I could ride with you, the bride. =/ I can see the desperation because just thinking about driving on the highway makes me feel ill but I'm not quite sure if I would just bring a random friend!
    Exactly. I don't get the not being able to drive on the highway thing, but I'm totally not judging her for that. I just don't understand why she wouldn't choose one of the following options, and am totally judging for it:
    1) Public transportation
    2) Carpool with any other person attending (including me!)
    3) Ask someone to drive/pick up
    4) Take the slightly longer (maybe 15 minutes?) non-highway route
    5) decline

    SO.MANY.OPTIONS.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    RebeccaFlower said:
    I feel bad for the random friend! My guess is your BM guilted her into coming. I would feel so awkward. How many people are you planning on attending?
    I would guess this as well. She probably doesn't even want to come. Poor girl. She is going to be so uncomfortable. She won't know anyone but this one friend.

    RSVPs are not all in yet, but my guess is *maybe* 10 (5 BMs, Man of Honor, Me, 2-3 GMs wives/girlfriends who are really good friends of mine). Likely less.
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  • chasseusechasseuse member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Have you mentioned this to the host? She needs to know for planning purposes and maybe she can say something about the random girl and resolve the issue.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    chasseuse said:
    Have you mentioned this to the host? She needs to know for planning purposes and maybe she can say something about the random girl and resolve the issue.
    Yes, I let him know. We snarked and then he said he would figure out what to do about it.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Just to play devil's advocate a second, since it seems you already said OK, you never know--- this girl could be totally awesome and become part of the crew.  May as well make the best of it.  I know it's not ideal--- the best part about my party was being with MY nearest and dearest and nobody else (I'm rather introverted). Hopefully it all turns out well. 
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  • deej14deej14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I've been invite pd to a bachelorette party as a "random." I actually knew the girl since we went to school together. One of her bridesmaids was my roommate. Roomie invited me to come with her. I declined with a "if she wanted me to come she'd invite me herself." I hadn't spoken to the girl in a few years and we had a mutual ex. I was not expecting to be invited to the wedding (I was right) nor did I really want to be. I feel like it would have been inappropriate, weird, and awkward for me to attend that type of event.
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  • MegEn1MegEn1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Can the host step in and call the girl and say "Listen, I know the bride said this would be okay, but we're all going to be super uncomfortable being ourselves and having a good time with a stranger there. Please find another alternative." or something. Let your hostess be the bad guy as needed, if she's willing.

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