Honeymoon registry and shower advice

stepslh · August 2014

OMG, people....We are not in the 1950s anymore. I'm sure that over 50% of couples these days live together before marriage. It makes it tough to ask for anything on a traditional registry if you already have everything you need for your house. I see nothing wrong with a honeymoon registry. You are the bride/groom and should get what you WANT as a gift!

My friend wanted to have BBQ and cupcakes at her wedding instead of boring chicken/meat/potatoes and a regular wedding cake. And you know what? I loved that she went against the norm! It's YOUR wedding, so you do what you want! People can be such hypocrites. I would also bet that 99% of brides shouldn't really be wearing a white dress. Think about that before you judge someone on a honeymoon registry.

Cookie Pusher · August 2014

stepslh said:

OMG, people....We are not in the 1950s anymore. I'm sure that over 50% of couples these days live together before marriage. It makes it tough to ask for anything on a traditional registry if you already have everything you need for your house. I see nothing wrong with a honeymoon registry. You are the bride/groom and should get what you WANT as a gift!

My friend wanted to have BBQ and cupcakes at her wedding instead of boring chicken/meat/potatoes and a regular wedding cake. And you know what? I loved that she went against the norm! It's YOUR wedding, so you do what you want! People can be such hypocrites. I would also bet that 99% of brides shouldn't really be wearing a white dress. Think about that before you judge someone on a honeymoon registry.

I'm going to copy/paste my previous reply here because it's obvious you didn't read it:

I just don't understand registering for money. DH and I didn't register for a damn thing because, like so many of the snowflakes explain, we lived together for 11 years before getting married so had everything we needed. I have no idea how, but EVERY SINGLE GUEST WHO GAVE US A GIFT GAVE US MONEY. Ok, that's only partially true because one couple gave us gift cards and another gave a donation to one of our favorite charities, but seriously, everyone else gave us cash or a check. The best part, we were able to put them in the bank immediately and didn't lose any percentage of it to fees. Amazing.

Liatris2010 · August 2014

stepslh said:

OMG, people....We are not in the 1950s anymore. I'm sure that over 50% of couples these days live together before marriage. It makes it tough to ask for anything on a traditional registry if you already have everything you need for your house. I see nothing wrong with a honeymoon registry. You are the bride/groom and should get what you WANT as a gift!

My friend wanted to have BBQ and cupcakes at her wedding instead of boring chicken/meat/potatoes and a regular wedding cake. And you know what? I loved that she went against the norm! It's YOUR wedding, so you do what you want! People can be such hypocrites. I would also bet that 99% of brides shouldn't really be wearing a white dress. Think about that before you judge someone on a honeymoon registry.

It is totally fine to break from tradition and serve BBQ and cupcakes. It is not okay to hit people up for cash. White symbolizes wealth, blue symbolizes purity. The Virgin Mary? Pictured in blue, not white. Get your facts straight.

MNVegas · August 2014

stepslh said:

OMG, people....We are not in the 1950s anymore. I'm sure that over 50% of couples these days live together before marriage. It makes it tough to ask for anything on a traditional registry if you already have everything you need for your house. I see nothing wrong with a honeymoon registry. You are the bride/groom and should get what you WANT as a gift!

My friend wanted to have BBQ and cupcakes at her wedding instead of boring chicken/meat/potatoes and a regular wedding cake. And you know what? I loved that she went against the norm! It's YOUR wedding, so you do what you want! People can be such hypocrites. I would also bet that 99% of brides shouldn't really be wearing a white dress. Think about that before you judge someone on a honeymoon registry.

Why is it the the posters who are in support of HM registries don't seem to know the difference between tradition and etiquette?

WinstonsGirl · August 2014

stepslh said:

OMG, people....We are not in the 1950s anymore. I'm sure that over 50% of couples these days live together before marriage. It makes it tough to ask for anything on a traditional registry if you already have everything you need for your house. I see nothing wrong with a honeymoon registry. You are the bride/groom and should get what you WANT as a gift!

My friend wanted to have BBQ and cupcakes at her wedding instead of boring chicken/meat/potatoes and a regular wedding cake. And you know what? I loved that she went against the norm! It's YOUR wedding, so you do what you want! People can be such hypocrites. I would also bet that 99% of brides shouldn't really be wearing a white dress. Think about that before you judge someone on a honeymoon registry.

1. Then don't register. If people ask, tell them you're saving up for a HM. Everyone will understand you want cash, and you still get what you want without the 7% cut to the registry.

2. Totally cool. She fed her guests

3. White dresses symbolized that you were rich enough to own a dress that would be dirty almost instantly, not that you were a virgin. Until recently, brides wore the best dress they owned and if that was a white one, you were pretty rich cos you could afford to keep it clean.

ohannabelle · August 2014

stepslh said:

OMG, people....We are not in the 1950s anymore. I'm sure that over 50% of couples these days live together before marriage. It makes it tough to ask for anything on a traditional registry if you already have everything you need for your house. I see nothing wrong with a honeymoon registry. You are the bride/groom and should get what you WANT as a gift!

My friend wanted to have BBQ and cupcakes at her wedding instead of boring chicken/meat/potatoes and a regular wedding cake. And you know what? I loved that she went against the norm! It's YOUR wedding, so you do what you want! People can be such hypocrites. I would also bet that 99% of brides shouldn't really be wearing a white dress. Think about that before you judge someone on a honeymoon registry.

WHAT?

What the.....

Damn it, you guys! Are you absolutely sure about that 1950s thing?

Because I was seriously stoked to go over to June Cleaver's for the bridge game, and see if I could get her recipe for pimiento meat loaf and cooked carrots, and now...fuck!

This always goddamn happens to me.

I put gas in the Studebaker for nothing.

Damn it.

You're sure it's not 1950? Okay. Great. Now we can all fart in public and chew with our mouths open and pick our noses in front of people and eat in front of our guests without offering them any, and treat our friends like crap, and our weddings like charity fundraising events? What an effing brilliant idea.

You go first. I'll just sit here with my delusions that people still have manners, and aren't crass and greedy jerks that think it's okay to take advantage of their friends, when they want help to finance their vacations.

MobKaz · August 2014

nikkikovach said:

I'm leaving this here for other brides who had questions like I did. The knotties were not very friendly towards me - so I'm not going to check this thread again as they really were just hurtful. However, if anyone else were to come here for advice the way I did, I'm going to leave my experience and hope they do not receive the same treatment.

My original question to the community was how to incorporate my honeymoon registry at my shower. An aunt wanted to throw one for me, and I wanted to accept. I did a honeymoon registry because I'm a little older and the only thing I've never "showered" myself with, is the gift of traveling. No matter what your reasons, do not let

Here is how I did it, and it turned out beautifully.

The honeymoon is in London, so the theme of the shower was "London Calling". British tea, scones, whole British brunch set up with the Beatles and the Clash playing in the background. As a game, I had a map from where I live to London, and as I opened the honeymoon gifts, I added little pictures to the map (ie, planes for people who contributed to airfare, fish and chips to people who contributed towards food, etc). My family (even the older generations) had a ball with it. It was lovely and I would highly recommend doing it if you'd like to include those gifts during your shower.

I thought it might be awkward but it turned out great and really got everyone involved. Turns out they also had a ton of travel advice and stories that I probably wouldn't have had the chance to hear otherwise. It made the gifts very personal, and gave us a lot of little traditions to continue in our own travels.

Good luck to all of the brides out there, no matter what you've registered for!

In addition to all the other tasteless issues, does it not sound as if the OP also planned and co-hosted this shower?

ashleyep · August 2014

scrunchythief said:

I'd like to second what dramamonkey said about people being very generous with wedding presents. DH and I had a decent size registry, partially because family members told us it was too small (not intentionally small, we just felt SUPER awkward registering). Most of the registry items were purchased, along with a couple awesome off-registry ones (especially the TARDIS shaped soap dispenser!).

We were completely floored by how much money people put into cards. I was actually at a loss for words, and that doesn't happen often. So, yeah you seriously don't need a honeymoon registry to get cash. We'd taken a low-key honeymoon since we're going to Italy this New Year's with family, and we wanted to save up for that. Now we don't have to.

This. We had a pretty big registry and we still got a crap ton of cash. And some beautiful off-registry gifts - one of my bridesmaids framed my invite, it was gorgeous.

chibiyui · August 2014

stepslh said:

OMG, people....We are not in the 1950s anymore. I'm sure that over 50% of couples these days live together before marriage. It makes it tough to ask for anything on a traditional registry if you already have everything you need for your house. I see nothing wrong with a honeymoon registry. You are the bride/groom and should get what you WANT as a gift!

My friend wanted to have BBQ and cupcakes at her wedding instead of boring chicken/meat/potatoes and a regular wedding cake. And you know what? I loved that she went against the norm! It's YOUR wedding, so you do what you want! People can be such hypocrites. I would also bet that 99% of brides shouldn't really be wearing a white dress. Think about that before you judge someone on a honeymoon registry.

20 years from now her children are going to be asking her why she had such a hipster wedding. SRSLY, you are not unique or different because you have BBQ and cupcakes.

And that last line, are slut-shaming? Cause if you don't know that blue is the color that symbolizes virginity, the last thing you should do is judge other ladies for wearing white. Think about that.

APDSS22 · August 2014

Oh crap, it's not the 1950s?!?! I'm in the wrong timeline again. Quickly, back to the TARDIS!

Why does everyone who posts irrationally and without reading pretty much any of the previous posts always assume that those of us advocating manners and being a fantastic hostess are stuck in the 1950s? I am going to make a blanket decision that anyone who posts that at the beginning of a post and then goes on to spout off about tradition (while calling it etiquette) just woke up from a Rip Van Winkle sleep and is shocked to find out they've been asleep for over half a century. No wonder they're confused.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2014

nikkikovach said:

I'm leaving this here for other brides who had questions like I did. The knotties were not very friendly towards me - so I'm not going to check this thread again as they really were just hurtful. However, if anyone else were to come here for advice the way I did, I'm going to leave my experience and hope they do not receive the same treatment.

My original question to the community was how to incorporate my honeymoon registry at my shower. An aunt wanted to throw one for me, and I wanted to accept. I did a honeymoon registry because I'm a little older and the only thing I've never "showered" myself with, is the gift of traveling. No matter what your reasons, do not let

Here is how I did it, and it turned out beautifully.

The honeymoon is in London, so the theme of the shower was "London Calling". British tea, scones, whole British brunch set up with the Beatles and the Clash playing in the background. As a game, I had a map from where I live to London, and as I opened the honeymoon gifts, I added little pictures to the map (ie, planes for people who contributed to airfare, fish and chips to people who contributed towards food, etc). My family (even the older generations) had a ball with it. It was lovely and I would highly recommend doing it if you'd like to include those gifts during your shower.

I thought it might be awkward but it turned out great and really got everyone involved. Turns out they also had a ton of travel advice and stories that I probably wouldn't have had the chance to hear otherwise. It made the gifts very personal, and gave us a lot of little traditions to continue in our own travels.

Good luck to all of the brides out there, no matter what you've registered for!

This post is so full of spin and butt-hurt it's ridiculous.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2014

thisismynickname said:

I would feel like an asshole if I gave $50 towards food (which doesn't go far in Pounds) and it was publicized that I did so while others gave airfare. You know what's the next tackiest thing after asking for money? Talking about money. Ranking higher than both of those is making your guests feel awkward.

So much this.

I would feel that the Bride and Groom were assholes for expecting their guests to give them cash to use on their honeymoon- which is just a glorified sex-vacation, especially since their honeymoon was already paid for!!!!

My God, talk about classless and gauche!

I'm fortunate to be able to take a honeymoon to Ireland, and FI and I have already booked and paid for it. Guess what? We aren't asking anyone for cash. Period.

We did register for traditional household items, because we actually need them, and we will greatly appreciate each and every item purchased from our registry and think of the person who gave us the gift when we use it.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2014

stepslh said:

OMG, people....We are not in the 1950s anymore. I'm sure that over 50% of couples these days live together before marriage. Are you a statistician, or are you just pulling numbers out of your ass? It makes it tough to ask for anything on a traditional registry if you already have everything you need for your house. Therefore you don't register for anything!!!! This is not a difficult concept. No registry = guests will give you cash, if they wish to give you a gift at all. People figured out how to give couples cash long before someone came up with these stupid fucking Honeyfunds. I see nothing wrong with a honeymoon registry. You are the bride/groom and should get what you WANT as a gift!

My friend wanted to have BBQ and cupcakes at her wedding instead of boring chicken/meat/potatoes and a regular wedding cake. And you know what? I loved that she went against the norm! It's YOUR wedding, so you do what you want! People can be such hypocrites. I would also bet that 99% of brides shouldn't really be wearing a white dress. Honey, perhaps you should educate yourself before you try to "slut shame" women in a disgustingly uneducated sweeping generalization. Let me help you, since research seems to be hard for you- Brides wearing white has nothing to do with virginity. Dating back to the Renaissance period and perhaps before, European nobility wore white at their weddings to demonstrate how incredibly fucking wealthy they were: http://thedreamstress.com/2011/04/queen-victorias-wedding-dress-the-one-that-started-it-all/ and Think about that before you judge someone on a honeymoon registry. How about you lurk more, read more in general, and engage your brain before you attempt to dress us down?

PrettyGirlLost · August 2014

chibiyui said:

stepslh said:

OMG, people....We are not in the 1950s anymore. I'm sure that over 50% of couples these days live together before marriage. It makes it tough to ask for anything on a traditional registry if you already have everything you need for your house. I see nothing wrong with a honeymoon registry. You are the bride/groom and should get what you WANT as a gift!

My friend wanted to have BBQ and cupcakes at her wedding instead of boring chicken/meat/potatoes and a regular wedding cake. And you know what? I loved that she went against the norm! It's YOUR wedding, so you do what you want! People can be such hypocrites. I would also bet that 99% of brides shouldn't really be wearing a white dress. Think about that before you judge someone on a honeymoon registry.

20 years from now her children are going to be asking her why she had such a hipster wedding. SRSLY, you are not unique or different because you have BBQ and cupcakes.

And that last line, are slut-shaming? Cause if you don't know that blue is the color that symbolizes virginity, the last thing you should do is judge other ladies for wearing white. Think about that.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2014

APDSS22 said:

Oh crap, it's not the 1950s?!?! I'm in the wrong timeline again. Quickly, back to the TARDIS!

Why does everyone who posts irrationally and without reading pretty much any of the previous posts always assume that those of us advocating manners and being a fantastic hostess are stuck in the 1950s? I am going to make a blanket decision that anyone who posts that at the beginning of a post and then goes on to spout off about tradition (while calling it etiquette) just woke up from a Rip Van Winkle sleep and is shocked to find out they've been asleep for over half a century. No wonder they're confused.

No actually it's about 100AD, it's the height of the Roman Empire, and I'm your Empress bitches. . . now pay me the respect that I am due.

Maggie0829 · August 2014

Why is it only the 1950's that is used when HM registries and other etiquette issues are debated? Was that the only decade where etiquette was taken seriously or something?

misshart00 · August 2014

Maggie0829 said:
Why is it only the 1950's that is used when HM registries and other etiquette issues are debated? Was that the only decade where etiquette was taken seriously or something?

I was just thinking this!

thisismynickname2 · August 2014

@Prettygirllost.... my ex was a bonafide hipster. He's a graphic designer. He and his friends play in indie bands and once took turns spinning records at a wedding I went to with them. One of his friends who is still my FB friend just got married last weekend.... on a farm... and these guys are friends with Grizzly Bear.

Heck maybe he created that infographic himself.

scrunchythief · August 2014

l I don't understand how people can take the stress of relying on other people to pay for something as important as a honeymoon. For example, members of my family paid for our wedding, but we had the money in case anything happened and they decided not to help.

We kept our honeymoon simple so we could focus on each other more, since I focus on the places when I'm somewhere exotic. Not condemning elaborate honeymoons at all, but if you wanted one, I wouldn't want to stress over whether you could afford it. And if you'd already paid for it yourself, then isn't asking others to pay for it a lie?

Liatris2010 · August 2014

MobKaz said:

nikkikovach said:

I'm leaving this here for other brides who had questions like I did. The knotties were not very friendly towards me - so I'm not going to check this thread again as they really were just hurtful. However, if anyone else were to come here for advice the way I did, I'm going to leave my experience and hope they do not receive the same treatment.

My original question to the community was how to incorporate my honeymoon registry at my shower. An aunt wanted to throw one for me, and I wanted to accept. I did a honeymoon registry because I'm a little older and the only thing I've never "showered" myself with, is the gift of traveling. No matter what your reasons, do not let

Here is how I did it, and it turned out beautifully.

The honeymoon is in London, so the theme of the shower was "London Calling". British tea, scones, whole British brunch set up with the Beatles and the Clash playing in the background. As a game, I had a map from where I live to London, and as I opened the honeymoon gifts, I added little pictures to the map (ie, planes for people who contributed to airfare, fish and chips to people who contributed towards food, etc). My family (even the older generations) had a ball with it. It was lovely and I would highly recommend doing it if you'd like to include those gifts during your shower.

I thought it might be awkward but it turned out great and really got everyone involved. Turns out they also had a ton of travel advice and stories that I probably wouldn't have had the chance to hear otherwise. It made the gifts very personal, and gave us a lot of little traditions to continue in our own travels.

Good luck to all of the brides out there, no matter what you've registered for!

In addition to all the other tasteless issues, does it not sound as if the OP also planned and co-hosted this shower?

How else can you make sure you get enough presents ca$h ?!?!

wrigleyville · August 2014

I'll never understand why people say, "This isn't the 1950s!!", as if holding true to proper etiquette is such a horrible insult.

chibiyui · August 2014

wrigleyville said:

I'll never understand why people say, "This isn't the 1950s!!", as if holding true to proper etiquette is such a horrible insult.

Times when saying "This isn't the 1950's!!" is applicable.

Getting fired for being pregnant

Getting fired for being married

Sexual harassment in the workplace

Morality clauses in contracts, women can't have a child out of wedlock but no mention for men.
General gender based fuckery

Times when saying "This isn't the 1950's!!" isn't applicable.

Someone telling you a honeymoon registry is tacky.

beethery · August 2014

A honeymoon registry? YAAAAY WE'RE NOT IN THE 50'S AND WE HAVE INTERNET!!!!

WE LIVE IN THE FUTURE, WE SHOULD BE SMART ENOUGH NOT TO ASK FOR CASH YAAAAYYYYYYY!

mrsmagicgeek · August 2014

Honeymoon registries kind of remind me of those payday loan things: seems like a good idea on the surface, until you get to the fine print.

indianaalum · August 2014

stepslh said:

OMG, people....We are not in the 1950s anymore. I'm sure that over 50% of couples these days live together before marriage. It makes it tough to ask for anything on a traditional registry if you already have everything you need for your house. I see nothing wrong with a honeymoon registry. You are the bride/groom and should get what you WANT as a gift!

My friend wanted to have BBQ and cupcakes at her wedding instead of boring chicken/meat/potatoes and a regular wedding cake. And you know what? I loved that she went against the norm! It's YOUR wedding, so you do what you want! People can be such hypocrites. I would also bet that 99% of brides shouldn't really be wearing a white dress. Think about that before you judge someone on a honeymoon registry.

I was 40 when I got married and lived in my own home for 20 years, and I STILL found stuff to register for. you upgrade!! I don't buy that as an excuse.

For no other reason than, honeymoon registries take YOUR money and keep a cut for themselves. how stupid are people to WANT to do that?

levioosa · August 2014

Edited: Because I was going to post an appropriate meme, but am internetz incompetent.
Really though, asking for money is so tacky.

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