Bridesmaid Falling Off…HELP!

Re: Bridesmaid Falling Off…HELP!

• Maggie0829 member

  

  July 2014

  Soon2BeMrsG8313 said:

  So i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I asked my "best friend" to be in my bridal party last november.  My wedding is 4 months away and she is totally MIA.  She was the one bridesmaid that was so excited about my bachelorette and was helping me plan and now she has told my MOH, but not me, that she isn't coming.  I am also hosting a bridesmaids night at my house and she says she's already got plans.  She doesn't text anymore, doesn't call, and when I reach out to her just to say "hi" or start a conversation she just stops answering me (this may sound petty but we were very close and talked almost everyday).  Unfortunately for her, social media enables me to see that she is still having a social life outside of our group of friends and is on her phone constantly.  So I can't chock it up to she's busy…she's just straight-up ignoring me!   She has stopped talking to our group of friends and has drifted to another and that is not what bothers me, what bothers me is my friendship with her has totally changed.  Pretty much it seems like she does not care about me and does not care about my wedding.  I don't know how to handle this.  Do I really want someone there on my big day that I feel I no longer have a relationship with?  I mean i'll have these pictures FOREVER!  Do I want to worry about that on my wedding day with all the additional stressors?  I need an outsiders opinion please...

  First, you need to take your wedding out of the equation.  She doesn't have to help you plan or attend your bachelorette or attend whatever bridal party night you are planning.  

  
  

  What you have is a friend problem not a bridesmaid/wedding problem.  If I were you I would call her or message her and ask if she can make time to meet up with you and talk/catch up.  Unfortunately friendships can drift away for really no reason.  But if you truly value her friendship then you need to talk to her.  All you can do is extend the invitation and it will be up to her to accept it.  If she doesn't accept then continue to be cordial with her and send her whatever necessary information you need to send her regarding your wedding and then once your day is done you may just need to let go and move on.

  
  

  As for your pictures.  Many, many brides have people in their wedding pictures that they are no longer close to or even see.  It happens.  The pictures just capture one day in your whole life not your entire life.  Things change and so do people.  You never know, maybe a few years down the road you two will reconnect and be even better friends then you were before.

  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2014

  I'd just leave things alone and plan your wedding without her involvement.  The only things she really needs to do are to get the outfit and show up in it sober, on time, and in good spirits and walk down the aisle and back.  If she doesn't do that, then she's taken herself out of the wedding.  You don't need to have even sides.

  
  

  If she doesn't want to plan parties for you or otherwise help plan the wedding, let it go.  And if she's not interested in being friends anymore, then you can let it go after the wedding, which it sounds like you want to do anyway.

  
  

  But if you really do want to end the friendship, you can tell her she's out of the wedding, because that's what this message usually results in.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2014

  Your photos are the last of your worries. If you took all WP party photos from 1980 and you ask the bride and groom how many of their BMs/GMs they're still in touch with, it's probably not everyone in the photo. This is a non-issue.

  
  

  When you reach out to her, is it about her role as BM or anything related to the wedding? If so, I would stop talking about the wedding period, unless it's the email you send to everyone about dresses and/or day-of logistics.

  
  

  
  

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• Soon2BeMrsG8313 member

  

  July 2014

  Thank you! This does help put things into perspective! I appreciate your honest feedback!
  

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• Soon2BeMrsG8313 member

  

  July 2014

  Thank you! This does help put things into perspective! I appreciate your honest feedback!

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  July 2014

  My SIL was one of my bridesmaids.  She & my brother got divorced 2 months after our wedding, and she has alienated our family.  She's still in all the pictures.  Life goes on.
  
  
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• Mochadia member

  

  August 2014

  I am in the same situation with two of my bridesmaids....it sucks.  Here you are thinking that this event will bring you closer together and it is drifting you apart.  It seems like even a phone call to see how you are doing would help.  As a bride, I have to say that I am shocked at how little a bridesmaid does...it feels like it is almost anti-bride.  Not that you were looking for servant, but a friend and buddy to support you through the planning and n the actual day.  

  
  

  I really don't know what the answer is, as I am still thinking about it myself.  Ultimately, it is a decision that should not be made lightly because it would ruin a friendship.  If you think that the friendship has any hope, or if you want to continue the friendship, then don't do it.  It this a friendship that you do not want to repair because of this sort of treatment, then consider what ending it might look like for you.

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• AshleyP42 member

  

  August 2014

  I've been in a similar situation as well.  If you want to try to resolve the issue with the friendship, I'd mention your concern very directly, with or without mentioning the wedding.  On one hand, the issue is about the friendship but on the other hand, it does inevitably affect, and get affected by, the wedding. 
  
  Personally, unless there is someone else you really wish were a bridesmaid instead AND you don't care about losing this friendship entirely, I wouldn't ask her to back out.  It's not worth the drama and stress unless having her in the wedding will actively CAUSE drama and stress, as opposed to just being disappointed/concerned about the friendship. 
  

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