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How to Avoid a PPD

LDay2014LDay2014 member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Okay, so here's the story and we're trying to find a solution WITHOUT HAVING A PPD

Coles Notes
  • FI's best friend has been with him through a LOT of shit.  Including the sudden death of a gf, subsequent depression, incorporation of me and my girls into his life, many growing pains on both sides etc.  They were room mates and are very very close.
  • Under FI's recommendation, his best friend (who is his best man) has been hired on to a new job that is an actual career with pension, benefits etc.
  • BM needs to fly out on August 24 for 4 weeks of training halfway across the country which brings him back September 21.  He gets 4 days at home and then they fly him back out for another 3 weeks
  • Our wedding is October 4.  Invites have gone out (26 person guestlist).
FI is devastated that his best friend and best man can't be there so we are looking for options.  He is in tears because this guy means so much to him to be there that we are contemplating getting married during the 4 days this guy will be home and sending out a letter to all the guests with a quick note about what has happened.  That we will still continue with the reception on October 4 as a celebration of our marriage.

What's your thoughts? Suggestion? Another angle that we haven't thought of that might make this work?
(FYI, he would not be able to come back for the weekend - or even the day.  If that was an option we'd fly him back in a heartbeat)
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Re: How to Avoid a PPD

  • twitterbirdtwitterbird member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Are the 26 people you've invited local or OOT?
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  • beetherybeethery member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Be happy that the best man got a job and do your wedding as-is.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

    image
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  • penguin44penguin44 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    Get married as planned. Yes it sucks that your FI's BM won't be there. But all of your close family and friends will be there. 


    Anniversary

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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    You all have very good points and I'm reading them to FI as we go.
    • we would have our parents and siblings join us
    • some are OOT, some are local
    Please keep the thoughts coming ladies, we've had so much stress in the past month or so it's hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes.

    We really appreciate your outside input.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    So, your parents and siblings would all reschedule, and then there'd be what, 14 people at the reception who didn't go to the ceremony? Still rude.

    Some things just suck. You can't fix them. You have wine and chocolate and tears and time. And skype- surely he can find some time on your wedding day for a quick FaceTime with FI, even if not during the ceremony.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    H had three of his closest friends (and groomsmen) unable to attend - including someone who got him through early years in the Army. He was really bummed and it hit him hard. He's not a moper but he did some serious moping over this. 

    But I don't know, he was more focused on getting married to me with the majority of our friends and family there.

    I would not reschedule. Have him skype.
    image
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    One of DH's groomsmen couldn't make it either (he was deployed and didn't know if he'd be back in time). We went on without him. DH was sad his friend couldn't make it, but he was way more happy that we actually got married.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    RajahBMFD said:
    Honestly, since invites are already out, I think it would be rude to cancel at this point just because one guest cannot be there. Yes, he is an important guest, but so are the other 25 or you wouldn't have invited them to such an intimate wedding. I think this is one of those things that you just have to suck up. Other guests may have already made travel plans or asked off work.
    The bolded is an important point. Don't inconvenience the rest of your guests to accommodate just one, it's just not the right thing to do.

    I'm trying to put myself in your guys' shoes, what if it were my SO coming to me with this issue.... and honestly, I do believe that at the end of the day, if a solution for the BM to be present just couldn't be reached, he would tell my SO to have an incredible wedding day and we'll all celebrate the next time we can get together. 

    I also would suggest having the BM tell his boss ASAP that he needs that weekend off because he is the best man in a wedding that's been planned for a long time. Maybe I'm being a little too optimistic, but I feel like most employers understand when very important events have already been planned and really cannot be missed. If nothing else, hopefully it will demonstrate to his boss that he's dedicated and takes his commitments & responsibilities very seriously. 

    edited to actually bold the point I was referring to lol
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Invites are out. I would just go scheduled as planned. Sometimes people we really want to be there just can't. I would not re-schedule based on one person. I would NEVER even ask someone to reschedule either.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thank you ladies.
    After some long discussions last night I think we are likely to proceed as planned. I just know this breaks his heart and I want to fix it, but not at everyone else's expense.
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  • allisonelizallisoneliz member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I know it's hard. My brother couldn't make our wedding (also due to a new job, 2600 miles away) and it made for some sad moments leading up to our big day. It was extra heartbreaking because he actually works 2 weeks on and 1 week off, and our wedding just happened to fall 3 days before the next time he'd be home :-(. We still had an incredible wedding day and celebrated with my brother and the rest of my immediate family the following week when he was home.
    image
    Anniversary

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