Domestic Partnership for Insurance?

JellyBean52513 · August 2014

I just want to very fervently agree with @MagicInk on her point about people saying DPs and CUs are "good enough." If that's the mentality, then we'd still be using separate restrooms and water fountains and schools because, ya know, they're "good enough." Ugh.

photokitty · August 2014

MagicInk said:

photokitty said:

MagicInk said:

I want to clarify in my state domestic partnership does not ever have to be dissolved and is not legally binding. It's just saying "I want this person to be allowed to see me in the hospital". I also have a POA that says FI gets to make decisions about my medical treatment if I am unable to do so. Those are basically the same things to me.

I'm very...hesitant, to say domestic partnership is marriage because for many many years the anti-gay folk have been ranting and raving about how we can have domestic partnerships or civil unions and those will be "good enough". Not marriage. We can't have marriage, that's special. But a DP or CU will be good enough. It's not. And I don't want them to be equated at the same thing. Marriage is marriage. If it happens in a church, in a court house, on the rings of Saturn, marriage is marriage.

Personally, I think they should all be called civil unions when it comes to the legal terminology. Marriage seems to have been assimilated into some sort of religious gig that churches feel hey should have all the say over. I think churches should have the right to grant a civil union to whoever they please, but all consenting adults should be able to enter into a civil union with whatever other consenting adult they choose. Then we can get over all this sanctity of marriage bull.

I totally get what you are saying @MagicInk. I guess I just feel like if we gave everyone the legal right to have civil unions and called them such legally then marriage would be a sacrament you could opt for or not - It would result a clear separation of church and state
...and in my bird sized brain somehow perhaps would solve all the ridiculous crap about people not being allowed to marry the person they love.

In my perfect world marriage certificates would not be the legal document, they would be civil unions bc it is complete void of any religious definitions or history in the church. I don't know, I just feel like if we can somehow get the church out of the equation we might be able to get over the intolerance a little quicker. But nobody has made me queen yet, so whatever :-p

My only problem with this is that marriage is ingrained in our society, in our language, as meaning to people who have made legal promises, and possibly religious ones, to be together forever and ever until the end of all time. That's what we mean when we say marriage. When you say you're married, that means something. When you say you're civil unioned, that means you took extra crazy pills today. And language is very hard to change.

I mean, if me and you were at a party and your husband and my wife are there and you say "Oh yes, we were married at the Joy Church" and I say "Oh we were civil unioned at the country club", one of those sounds like a real thing. The other one doesn't. Even though, end of the day, the law would view them as the same.

Though I think England separates them...but I think they still just use the word married even if it's in a church or not.

I totally understand what you are saying. I would still call the both marriages...

I wish we had a system like some of Europe does where the legal paperwork is completely separate from the church validation. Pretty ironic since we are a country built on separation of church and state, but yet the religious folks think they get to decide who should and shouldn't marry...hmmm, doesn't sound all that separate to me.

I'm looking forward to the future when it doesn't matter anymore...like those idiots who protested blacks and whites marrying - what dumbs whats to be on the wrong side of history??

I also don't get how my divorce is less of an abomination to the "sanctity of marriage" than my sister's loving marriage to her wife. Ya know, like those religious right radicals fighting gay marriage who have been married six times - bc sanctity of marriage, yo! *eyeroll*

jenijoyk · August 2014

Ugh. DP =/= marriage. Nowhere does it equal marriage, even in states where you file paperwork with the government. Different rights, different meaning, different obligations, different everything. There are lots of things you can do and lots of papers you can sign tha "legally bind" you to another person. Those aren't marriages either. I am aware of no DPship anywhere that requires you to make marriage vows in front of an officiant.

And registering as a DP for insurance purposes is not fraud (unless you are randomly registering as your random neighbor's DP and you aren't actually in a relationship with them). That is one of the (many) reasons DP exists - to protect people who can't (or shouldn't) get married. (Re 'shouldn't': .... think an 80 year old who gets pension money from a deceased spouse, and who depends on that to live, and who will no longer get that if they remarry. Someone in that situation should still be able to have medical visits, or still be able to be on someone's health insurance because they are partners.)

kns1988 · August 2014

wrigleyville said:

I was able to add H to my insurance before we were married. For my company to consider us DPs, I had to prove we'd lived together for X number of years, shared expenses, and had a joint bank account. (We created a savings account for this purpose and ended up using it for the wedding.)

I didn't consider us married. Neither did the government or my company. "Domestic partner" is completely different from "spouse". We didn't sign any forms linking us as such. It was more of a status thing with my insurance. We did all of this before we were even engaged.

Ditto this. I added my fiance as a domestic partner on my insurance after he was diagnosed with Lyme's Disease. We had to prove we lived together for 3 months, had a shared bank account, and I had to make him my life insurance beneficiary. We get no added benefits from the state and aren't even recognized as a partnership in the state's eyes - this was solely for my employer.

kns1988 · August 2014

Also, I can't wait til my taxes go back to normal after we're married. I've been taxed at a higher rate for the past 10 months since adding my FI as a domestic partner on my health insurance. I'll save about $200 a month when we get married.

Moral of the story, we sucked it up and paid a higher tax rate for almost a year because we wanted to have a big wedding with all the frills. It's worth it to us

huskypuppy14 · August 2014

Domestic partners and civil unions are not recognized by the federal government. Therefore in order to get federal benefits you would need to be married.

It's completely fine to have a domestic partnerships and then get married at a later date.

ashleyep · August 2014

kns1988 said:

Also, I can't wait til my taxes go back to normal after we're married. I've been taxed at a higher rate for the past 10 months since adding my FI as a domestic partner on my health insurance. I'll save about $200 a month when we get married.

Moral of the story, we sucked it up and paid a higher tax rate for almost a year because we wanted to have a big wedding with all the frills. It's worth it to us

How has that changed your taxes? I don't get it.

My insurance is free through work, even once you add family. I don't pay a dime for it. I looked into adding my husband before we were married, but they don't cover domestic partners.

delujm0 · August 2014

ashleyep said:

kns1988 said:

Also, I can't wait til my taxes go back to normal after we're married. I've been taxed at a higher rate for the past 10 months since adding my FI as a domestic partner on my health insurance. I'll save about $200 a month when we get married.

Moral of the story, we sucked it up and paid a higher tax rate for almost a year because we wanted to have a big wedding with all the frills. It's worth it to us
How has that changed your taxes? I don't get it.

My insurance is free through work, even once you add family. I don't pay a dime for it. I looked into adding my husband before we were married, but they don't cover domestic partners.

Domestic Partner coverage comes out of your paycheck after tax. Spouse coverage comes out before tax (like the coverage for your own benefits does). You can only withhold from taxes people who the state/federal government recognizes as your spouse and DPs are only recognized by individual employers in this instance. I dealt with the same thing, but the difference in cost wasn't that substantial, fortunately.

ashleyep · August 2014

delujm0 said:

ashleyep said:

kns1988 said:

Also, I can't wait til my taxes go back to normal after we're married. I've been taxed at a higher rate for the past 10 months since adding my FI as a domestic partner on my health insurance. I'll save about $200 a month when we get married.

Moral of the story, we sucked it up and paid a higher tax rate for almost a year because we wanted to have a big wedding with all the frills. It's worth it to us
How has that changed your taxes? I don't get it.

My insurance is free through work, even once you add family. I don't pay a dime for it. I looked into adding my husband before we were married, but they don't cover domestic partners.

Domestic Partner coverage comes out of your paycheck after tax. Spouse coverage comes out before tax (like the coverage for your own benefits does). You can only withhold from taxes people who the state/federal government recognizes as your spouse and DPs are only recognized by individual employers in this instance. I dealt with the same thing, but the difference in cost wasn't that substantial, fortunately.

Ohhh, wow that's crazy, I never realized they would take it out *after* taxes.

Domestic Partnership for Insurance?

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