Invites and Paper

Question about family friends' invitations

Hi knotties,
I'm finalizing my guest list and sending out save the dates and my Mum & I are having a point contention. She wants everyone to have guest invitations and it's just not realistic for our budget. We have a couple family friends that we are very close to as a family but growing up I only spent time with 1 or 2 of their children. Should we be inviting all their kids (now adults) or only the ones I actually knew well as a child?
Thanks!

Re: Question about family friends' invitations

  • Well, I think If you are inviting some of the kids, then you should not exclude the others. Since they are also a part of the same family, you should invite them too. They might feel disrespected by not being invited when their siblings are.
  • lurkergirllurkergirl ATL
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    Who is paying?  If you and your FI are funding the wedding yourselves, then it's up to you.  If mom is helping, then she does have a say.

    Either way, I do think it can be awkward to split up families, but I don't think I have a good enough grasp of your situation to give really good advice.

    Are you still close with any of the "kids?"  What about your family?




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  • As others have said, the guest list is driven by who is paying for your wedding. 
    While it is rude to split up married/engaged/committed relationship couples, it is not rude to exclude children.  Adults are invited as adults, not because they were children of friends.  It is not rude to select the people whom you want to invite unless you violate the couples rule.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl
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    They're all adults now. You're in the right.
  • I lived with my parents for awhile as an adult. There were at least 2 times my parents were invited to things without me, and I didn't think a thing of it.

    Adult children do not expect to be invited as piggybacks to their parents. If I had been invited to some of these things as an adult, I would have wondered why.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    You do not need to invite all the adult children in a family if you are not close with all of them unless the person paying for the wedding says so. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Etiquette-wise I am not a pro and others would be better references. That being said we are not inviting adult children unless we are close to them. We originally wanted less than 80 guests and it has ballooned up to 130 with the addition of our parent's guest inclusions (they are helping with various parts of the wedding) and plus ones (everyone over 18 is getting one). I think you know your guests best. If you think it is going to cause some type of feud decide on whether its worth it or not. Otherwise for those we thought may have a problem with their adult children not being invited, our parents are covertly bringing up the fact that we want to keep it as small as possible. Unfortunately (or fortunately for some like us), you can't invite everyone so the line needs to be drawn somewhere. Unless they are paying for your wedding people should never expect to be invited to a wedding, no matter how close.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    Hi knotties,
    I'm finalizing my guest list and sending out save the dates and my Mum & I are having a point contention. She wants everyone to have guest invitations and it's just not realistic for our budget. We have a couple family friends that we are very close to as a family but growing up I only spent time with 1 or 2 of their children. Should we be inviting all their kids (now adults) or only the ones I actually knew well as a child?
    Thanks!

    JIC



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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    If these were minor kids and you were going to invite them, I would agree with the advice to not split them up without a highly compelling reason, e.g., one is a psychopath.

    But since they're all adults and it sounds like they're all of sound mind (at least you don't indicate otherwise), I think you can limit the invitations accordingly.
  • Thanks everyone! I'm still close with the family friends and see them when I'm in town but they have two "kids" who are both over 18. I grew up spending time with the older child while my younger brother spent time with the younger child. I think I'll just invite the whole family in order to err on the cautious side and my Mum doesn't think either of the kids will come to the wedding due to college/school.
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