Guest List Discussion

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

Does everyone have their guest list finalized? Our invites are going out shortly so we are pretty set in stone. We didn't do save the dates because our wedding is so small and we communicate with all the guests on a fairly regular basis. If everyone accepts and all the singles bring guests, our grand total will be 42. Considering I strove to keep it under 50 peeps, I'm happy if that number is a reality. There was some drama on my mother's side but we ironed it out okay.

Did anyone invite someone they wish they didn't? I have one of those but only because I thought she was a closer friend and that isn't the case. Nothing drastic. I think she'll find something else to do that day to be honest. Maybe I'll vent about her later, lol.

ETF: Paragraphs. TK hates 'em today.

CTYankeeBride · July 2014

Our guest list is pretty final at this point. Our wedding is November 14 and our invites go out September 19th (ish). I'm DIY-ing them so between needing to order supplies for that and needing to be sure we budgeted properly we needed a pretty final guest count early in the process.

We have a guest list of 74 and my goal was to keep it under 80 so I'm pleased.

April192002 · July 2014

My guest list is like my shopping lists - I list the Must Have and then add to it as I go. I am trying to keep our attendance under 60 only because our venue has 120 chairs and I don't want to ask anyone to bring a chair indoors (assuming that the weather will cooperate with an outdoor ceremony). I currently have 60 on my list, but 3 of my cousins didn't respond to my address request and one of my out of state cousins announced her pregnancy with a due date the week after the wedding.

With no response from address requests, the pregnancy, family that flakes often, health issues/travel inconveniences, a SO that always has to work Thanksgiving weekend, and my friend having 2 single BFFs there so she probably won't bring her SO (I know her well enough to make that assumption), I'm anticipating subtracting 18 (minimally 4 from the no responses) but still planning my budget as though they will all attend.

I am trying to encourage FI to invite more of his friends - he's inviting 5 people, 8 if you include himself and his 2 kids. He has his dad, mom, 2 brothers (one might not be able to get time off work), and best friend from elementary. He talks to so many old friends and coworkers on a daily basis, and even goes out for drinks with a small group of them on occasion, so since I'm anticipating so many declines I would like to see him have a few more people there. Our venue can hold up to 120, but since the 60 is so we don't have to deal with the chair issue (I guess 62 since FI and I won't be sitting during the ceremony), I don't mind adding a few as we go.

I've had our Save the Dates since May 28, and started addressing them that night, but I haven't gotten around to throwing the stamp on them and tossing them in the mail. I might want to do that soon before people start making Thanksgiving plans.

@goldchocobo I hope you do end up venting about your friend. I'm interested!

@CTYankeeBride I'm doing a DIY wedding too and wish I could already have a head count so I could start slowly buying. I've thought about buying stuff early but I don't want to purchase too much and not be able to return it or not purchase enough and chance something going out of stock. I think I'm mostly concerned about table linens but we have so many local vendors in my area, and they're all roughly the same price, so I'm pretty sure one of them will have enough black, white, or silver - even if I have to get multiple colors of the same fabric, which I've considered to add a little bit of visual interest.

hikebikebemerry · July 2014

Our guest list is pretty final, I am still on the fence about inviting my boss and one of my coworkers, and there is one couple (with kiddos) that we have gotten much closer to during the year that we are still considering inviting. Other than that, we are done.

I just got the invitations that we ordered, so I have started to address them to make sure that they will all go out in one mailing and that I leave myself enough time to write people's names in small print on the back of the RSVP card (I figured that was easier than making a numbered list)

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

I like my coworkers, and hear about the wedding often, so I thought I would invite them to see the planning we've all had conversations about.

My other coworker's wife is pregnant and due the week after my wedding as well. I am not sure if they will go, as it is an hour out of town, a Sunday, and child care is required for their young son. Her pregnancy is going okay so far, but I don't want her to risk it if she is unwell. It's totally up to them. Coworker #1 is really excited about going to my wedding.

Which brings me back to my guest I'm not a huge fan of. She was nice at first and we get along okay, but I think she's unhappy with her life or something because she's getting grumpy, eye-rolly, and a bit snippy in her delivery. Everything's an effort and severe attitude adjustment, and when it's not an effort, she's happy to just ignore people and get all fussy when people bother her. All her conversations are a series of rapid fire questions and she barely talks to me anymore, only coworker #1. However, when I first got engaged she was happy and even wondered aloud about the guest list and there was room for her. So I made room for her. These changes have happened gradually over the last 6 months or so.

So if Coworker #1 doesn't go (having a baby trumps my wedding, I've told him he shouldn't feel bad about that, don't know why he feels that way) I'm guessing she won't because she 'won't know anyone' (she'll know like 5 other people there) and there won't be chicken fingers and it's a far drive, and blah blah blah. Which means I will not get her RSVP until AFTER coworker #1 and it will be a "You gunna go?" scenario. AND if coworker 1's wife isnt up to the journey and they can't make it, causing a sudden cancellation, she would stand us up anyway.

I have a $10 bet with FI.

Keep in mind I am fine with the whole scenario (ain't my life, whatevs), I'm just fascinated with this behavior and the whole scenario.

April192002 · July 2014

goldchocobo said:

So if Coworker #1 doesn't go (having a baby trumps my wedding, I've told him he shouldn't feel bad about that, don't know why he feels that way) I'm guessing she won't because she 'won't know anyone' (she'll know like 5 other people there) and there won't be chicken fingers and it's a far drive, and blah blah blah. Which means I will not get her RSVP until AFTER coworker #1 and it will be a "You gunna go?" scenario. AND if coworker 1's wife isnt up to the journey and they can't make it, causing a sudden cancellation, she would stand us up anyway.

WHAT?!?!?

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

@April192002, sarcasm, I assure you. All she eats is processed meats, cheese strings, chicken fingers with mayo, and potato chips. Veggies are a no no (so gross) and washes it all down with pop.

I honestly think she'll be at a loss with this establishment's food, given eating from the kids menu is not an option. Like I said, I am fascinated. I highly recommend the roast chicken to everyone on my list.

She talked to me this morning all super nice and we felt like old friends again. We have a very confusing relationship LOL

ETA: No one else has a guest like this? Or guest meal drama? My FMIL pitched a fit about us not serving a burger for my picky 16 year old FBIL, but FBIL was absolutely fine with the options we presented. Oh, the drama.

04JNicole · July 2014

Well my ceremony is set for the end of November and we haven't finalized the guest list. We are looking at no more than 30 for the dinner but 40 for the ceremony and it is mostly guests. Right now I am fighting with my mom and aunt over the list so I feel your pain gold. Hopefully the FI will finalize his list (his people are actually traveling to the ceremony) and then we will finalize and hopefully have the invitations out by mid-August.

April192002 · July 2014

My son is SOOO picky. Actually, he's the only picky guest we have. We're having Olive Garden - lasagna with meat, ravioli with meat sauce, ravioli without meat sauce, and baked ziti (I'm a vegetarian and my older sister doesn't eat red meat so I have non-meat options) along with salad and breadsticks. My son...None of the above. He doesn't like sauce or salad so I'm thinking about downsizing what we're ordering and cooking/offering plain noodles with spaghetti and alfredo sauce on the side, just for him.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

Sorry to hear that, April! I know you'll come up with a solution! Our best man is vegetarian so we are requesting a vegetarian dish specifically for him.

April192002 · July 2014

One place I checked for food had several different "levels" and it seemed kind of backwards to me, as the least expensive were all meat. FI's favorite lasagna was in the $10 category and not in the $12 with cheese ravioli. I would have had to pay $13 to get both the lasagna and cheese ravioli. We passed on that place!

Edit: Mistakes - too early to be awake.

MommyKristin88 · July 2014

We are finalizing it today. We only want to invite up to 60 people, so it will mostly be family. We may invite 2-3 friends each, maybe...

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

HAHAHAHA get this:

My FIs uncle (FMIL's brother) has been a bit of a drama llama this entire engagement. He wanted to know in November of LAST year when our invites were going out, he basically steamrolled himself an invite, and has called my FMIL a few times to complain.

We decided not to have cousins at the wedding (the cousins are self-sufficient teenagers). Girl Cousin is rebelling at home HARD and we didn't want the drama of a minor sneaking drinks in a classy establishment. Since we were worried he'd steamroll his way through that too, I wrote the names of the invited people on his invite: His name and his wife's name. Mailed it out last week, DONE.

Then he calls my FI today. "Your cousins aren't invited?" FI says that the last time they talked Uncle had expressed concern over airfare, and cut the cousins out (this is not a lie but he was trying to be diplomatic. Please understand that the cousins were never formally invited as this was an assumption on his part and we clarified it). Uncle wasn't upset by this but listen to his reasoning!!!

Uncle: That's fine if only two plates are available. Wife can stay home. Girl Cousin can come with me. She was really looking forward to this.

Yeah not really. If Uncle took Wife, Girl Cousin would be have a wicked house party. Wife hates FIs family and doesn't really want to go anyways, so what a great opportunity to take Girl Cousin and babysit her so she can't throw a house party! Saw right through that ruse.

FI: I see what you are saying--

Uncle: Or just let me know if 2 other people decline and we can have their plates. I know you're worried about numbers!

Did you just B-List YOURSELF?

FI: Yes, numbers are an issue but--

Uncle: Actually if we could all go to the ceremony the rest of them would go back to the hotel and I could have a reception meal and talk to your mom and catch up with a few people since I live across the country!

Did he just B-List AND 2nd Tier himself and family???????

By this time FI extricated himself from the call and spoke with me to see what the best course of action would be. I say he just brings Girl Cousin and they both can get kicked out if anything happens.

I also joked that they could all come and live at FMILs for a few days. She totally hates them.

April192002 · July 2014

LOL! That really sucks but I wouldn't mind hearing a story about Uncle and Cousin getting kicked out of your ceremony/reception! This could potentially be knot story worthy.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

I'd make sure the photographer caught every moment

Cayjungrll · July 2014

Oh my !!! That is for sure some drama!!! My guest list is done too!!! I am DIY my invitations, and I am going to make 50... But only about 35 - 40 are going out... But I wanted to have extra, because dear fiancé keeps inviting people... Lol. We are having an outside wedding too, under a huge oak tree on his family land. It is beautiful. We decided to have our reception at our home, since it it close by the ceremony site. It's mainly family coming. We are having a rustic country wedding. I call it... Casually formal.. Lol we are in the south, so yes, dress with cowboy boots and denim... This is my second wedding (I'm a widower) but his third... So we are keeping it nice, classy but comfortable... I want people to enjoy it as much as we are. We both have 2 kids, both girls and boys.. My youngest is my son. How turns 9 Monday!! Our girls are 23 & 22... They are the two who are cat fighting!!! His daughter has been all for our relationship and very excited about it, where as mine, not so happy... So, the argument is about who is going to be my MOH ... I said they both could be in the beginning, but when they continued to argue about it, we decided no one will be walking down the isle with me.... All the kids will sit on the first row. Boys, will be dressed like him girls will be dressed alike with boots and denim jackets... I am nervous!! I'm not fond of his sister too much, she has problems with drugs, and I really prefer her not to be there... But, how do you say that!!! The way I have been rationalizing this whole thing is ... It's OUR day....

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · August 2014

Update on my guests!

My FI's uncle called my FMIL to tell her that he is bringing Girl Cousin. Why?? Why are you calling my mother in law? She isn't paying for a friggin' red cent of this. Why should my mother in law effin CARE? Why is it even her concern as a guest?

Do you think you have special privileges or something as a guest? He's so annoying.

This behavior is the same passive aggressive bullshit he's been pulling all along.

First he whines to FMIL in 2013 about when the wedding is so he can book off the time over a year in advance. We hadn't even picked a date or finalized a guest list.

Then he steamrolls his way into getting invited by twisting FMILs arm and writing emails. He did NOT call FI until the bridges were burning and FI had to patch it all up, which resulted in a pity party invite.

Then he calls FMIL to ask when the invitations were going out...in November 2013!!

Then he calls FMIL to NAG at her as to why the invites weren't out....in 2013 again!

Now he's calling her to tell her his travel plans and who he is bringing.

I am so over this yahoo and the drama llama he's riding around. He's starting to really annoy me.

FI is going to call him and yell at him because now FMIL is getting all up in our grill about him since she loves gossip and thinks this is brand new information.

ETA: Fixed typos. Found a great llama riding picture:

April192002 · August 2014

@goldchocobo, I TOTALLY LOLed...literally. Maybe it was the alcohol (okay, it probably was) but drama llama AND the pictures! - ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! So anyway, I'm sorry FI's uncle is being odd, but maybe he'll give you yet another story to tell.

So I posted on another board that I totally slacked on sending out my Save the Dates, and with the responses I was going to send them out the next day...but they're still in my car, addressed, with the stamps in the same bag - they never went out. I decided to PM family about how I slacked on sending them out, giving them the date, and that I hope they could make it, etc. etc...and I haven't received an "I/we can't make it." I still don't expect most of them to attend but I'm a little hopeful that some of them can. I'm actually more concerned that my Aunt & Uncle closest to the venue might be visiting their family out in CA during that time, but no one has said anything about it. I'm such a retard!

@goldchocobo - So as I was writing, I was thinking as a "cheaper" honeymoon, visiting Canada. IF we decide to do so, is there an area (in any province) that you would recommend for something "familiar" but a little different to American culture?

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · August 2014

@April192002,YAY CANADA! Have you heard the title Niagara Falls (Ontario) has? It is the "Honeymoon Capital of the World". I recommend it because there's a wax museum, Marine Land, a casino (with a wonderful view of the falls!), a hershey chocolate bar shop, and yeah some waterfall somewhere... It's right on the border, so they love Americans and are used to them visiting. I loved walking in the tourist areas, so fun! You can go on a boat near the falls or take a cable car ride across a ravine too.

Toronto is 90 minutes beyond that (that's where a major airport is so I guess Niagara is 90 minutes FROM the airport....whatever.) and has the CN Tower, Museums, Woodbine Race track, a zoo, a really cool aquarium, sports stadiums, malls, a cracked out mayor (well until October but who knows after that!) and lovely parks. Toronto is used to Americans too. We love em!

If you want something quiet, you can rent a cottage in Sauble Beach (about 2 hours from the airport) or Wasauga Beach. Port Elgin (Ontario) is quiet and quaint with bed and breakfasts. So is Southampton, Ontario. I am told it is like Maine or Vermont.

As far as the Save the Dates go.....yeah, sending them out now is a little late. We didn't do STD cards. With only 42 people (MAX!) going, word of mouth was effective. I hope all your VIPS can go! Don't beat yourself up about it.

April192002 · August 2014

@goldchocobo‌, thanks for the info. I'll be looking that up, especially the aquarium (FI might be sold on that!). I'm pretty sure the flight alone would be much less than to Iceland and I think the currency exchange rate is decent. I've always wanted to step foot in another country and being in TX, Mexico seemed like it would win...but I've only been as close as seeing a hill and the border crossing.

drewisesup · August 2014

Solidifying the guest list kind of sucks. Isn't it amazing how your social circle can change over the course of planning a wedding? There are a group of girls that were part of my surprise engagement party the night that we got engaged (they were that close a year ago), and now I haven't talked to or seen any of them since April (nothing malicious, just time separating people naturally). They were the kind of group that one doesn't come without the other, so you have to invite all of them, but I kind of wish I didn't actually have to invite them all now.

The other problem I'm having is like 2 or 3 couples not getting back to us with their addresses after I've asked via email, Facebook, etc., multiple times. It's awkward because they obviously know that I was trying to invite them to our wedding, but maybe they forgot to respond, and I'm not going to continue to just ask for their address...so do I just leave them off? Sounds like it's time for everyone to just get the invites out the door!

pineapplesmoothie · August 2014

drewisesup said:

Solidifying the guest list kind of sucks. Isn't it amazing how your social circle can change over the course of planning a wedding? There are a group of girls that were part of my surprise engagement party the night that we got engaged (they were that close a year ago), and now I haven't talked to or seen any of them since April (nothing malicious, just time separating people naturally). They were the kind of group that one doesn't come without the other, so you have to invite all of them, but I kind of wish I didn't actually have to invite them all now.

The other problem I'm having is like 2 or 3 couples not getting back to us with their addresses after I've asked via email, Facebook, etc., multiple times. It's awkward because they obviously know that I was trying to invite them to our wedding, but maybe they forgot to respond, and I'm not going to continue to just ask for their address...so do I just leave them off? Sounds like it's time for everyone to just get the invites out the door!

I am from NJ and I am getting married in CA, where I have lived for 5 years. I have 2 friends who I was very close with for years back east, but we don't see each other now, though we do talk over social media. I called them each on the phone and left messages for them to call me or send me their addresses and they both did not. I didn't make a second attempt.

I figure if they ever see pictures of my wedding and think anything about, "Hey why wasn't I invited" they will remember my message to them asking for their addresses. I'm going to assume they wouldn't have made the 2800 mile trip anyway, so it would have just been a formality. This isn't exactly the same as your situation, because I don't think your friends are far away, but the fact remains, you tried. If it were a relative or a very special other person, maybe I would work harder to get the info.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · August 2014

My FMIL is being really difficult.

She's lashing out because she has no say or financial contribution to any wedding events. It's causing her insecurity and the ONE thing she is in 'charge' of planning she is taking forever to do with a lot of hesitation. She lashed out at FI and told him that our wedding is basically being planned all wrong and how it is doomed to be a farce. Those arent her exact words, but she's pretty transparent.

My eyes got stuck in the back of my head because I rolled them so hard. We were accused to being too laid back so therefore we arent taking anything seriously. What she doesnt understand is all the deposits and contracts are signed so there is no urgency. I just feel annoyed that our ability to plan and NOT stress out is being called out as incorrect. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I should run around in complete uncontrolled chaotic panic. I mean honestly, how productive is that??

I told FI this isnt about a wedding at all. It's about her control issues. If it wasn't a wedding, it would be something else. Girl needs a serious hobby.

ETF words.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · August 2014

PREGNANT GUEST UPDATE!

My wedding date is November 2nd.

So my coworker's wife is due in November and cautioned me that there may be an issue with their attendance if the due date was determined to be around that time. I said that was totally fine and if he could just let me know as soon as that info was available I could mark down his reply. He thought she was due November 16th.

Today was 'Meet with the Midwife' day and my coworker got an email from her with a new due date: NOVEMBER 2ND! I laughed so hard.

I have been saying this for a few months now to tease him. He missed his brother's wedding not too long ago because his wife could not fly to Ireland because it was too close to their son's due date (he's annoyed at his brother because his brother knew of the pregnancy but I told him that these things happen and it is nothing personal) So I've been joking that his timing is awful and each kid they have interferes with a wedding. He groaned so loud and was still trying to find a way around it.

I told him that I don't want him there if it makes his wife uncomfortable and the due date is right on top of the wedding date. I worry she'll be unable to enjoy herself, and she'll have to leave before the cake is even cut

I also joked that this means Coworker #2 won't show because she'll only go if this guy goes (Mature, I know). He figured that is probably the case.

I am NEVER offended if someone declines. Just let me know! I don't know why people 'hide' declines.

ETA: Coworker 2 just RSVP'd and Coworker 1 gave his formal decline. I told him I look forward to sharing my wedding day with his daughter's birthday

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