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first cousins

hggy15hggy15 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi there, I was trying to find an answer to this on the boards but couldn't really find one, is it poor etiquette to cut the guest list off at aunts and uncles and not invite any first cousins? This is our current plan for a number of reasons, mainly we can't afford to feed everybody we know and the venue we really want has a max capacity and we are already at it with our guest list. If it makes a difference we aren't inviting any of the cousins, even those we would really really like to have, to keep things fair.
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Re: first cousins

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    MNVegasMNVegas member
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    No it is not poor etiquette. 
    Mary Click here for my bio! image
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    hggy15 said:
    Hi there, I was trying to find an answer to this on the boards but couldn't really find one, is it poor etiquette to cut the guest list off at aunts and uncles and not invite any first cousins? This is our current plan for a number of reasons, mainly we can't afford to feed everybody we know and the venue we really want has a max capacity and we are already at it with our guest list. If it makes a difference we aren't inviting any of the cousins, even those we would really really like to have, to keep things fair.
    You don't need to invite any first cousins if you don't want to. It's fine to keep it small and just invite aunts and uncles if that's what you want to do. 
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    beharringtonbeharrington member
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    Ditto what the others said.
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    hggy15hggy15 member
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    That's a relief, thank you ladies!

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    you are good






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    We did this for my family. You're good.




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    RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
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    It is not poor etiquette, however, your family may be upset about it. This happened in my family and though no one said anything to the bride & groom, they were upset about it. 

    I think not being able to afford it is one thing. I think choosing a venue that doesn't accommodate all the people you 'want' there is crap. 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    RebeccaFlower said:
    It is not poor etiquette, however, your family may be upset about it. This happened in my family and though no one said anything to the bride & groom, they were upset about it. 

    I think not being able to afford it is one thing. I think choosing a venue that doesn't accommodate all the people you 'want' there is crap. 
    If the OP doesn't want to invite cousins, she doesn't have to.  If she only wants to invite her fiance's cousins and not hers, that's fine too.  If she doesn't want to invite any cousins except the one cousin who lives down the street and she has dinner with regularly, that's cool too.

    Yes, some family might be hurt.  But don't let them push you around; forcing you to invite relatives you never see over friends you see regularly is not cool.  I will NOT be inviting one of my aunts because the woman removed herself from our lives 25-ish years ago.  I am contemplating not inviting a family of 4 adult cousins because they're all at least 13 years younger than me and we've never been close.  These decisions will "hurt" a couple of people, but I'm willing to bear the burden of that potential hurt and will stand up for my decision.
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    hggy15hggy15 member
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    Rebeccaflower: rest assured the venue will hold everyone we Want there, the issue I'm having is my fiancé is not on speaking terms with his cousins, and of the several I have I am only sort of close with one.... so rather than invite these cousins we barely know and reach our venue's capacity we would rather swap them for friends of ours whom we are close with as adk19 touched on.
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    jules3964jules3964 member
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    edited August 2014

    This is what we're doing, too. Although FI is inviting a couple of his really close cousins. We want a small wedding, with those closest to us, so we just couldn't invite a bunch of cousins that we haven't seen in years.

    For me, I haven't seen most of my cousins in 15 years, and I've never even met 3 of them. It made no sense to invite them over friends we see all the time.

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    huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
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    hggy15 said:
    Rebeccaflower: rest assured the venue will hold everyone we Want there, the issue I'm having is my fiancé is not on speaking terms with his cousins, and of the several I have I am only sort of close with one.... so rather than invite these cousins we barely know and reach our venue's capacity we would rather swap them for friends of ours whom we are close with as adk19 touched on.
    My husband invited all his first cousins and his parent's cousins.

     I invited all my first and second cousins on my mom's side, but only invited one cousin on my dad's side, because I'm not close to any of the others and my dad has a huge family. 


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    RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
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    I guess I should have been more clear. I hate when couples say they are set on a venue that doesn't accomidate everyone they wanted to invite. No no no, you CHOSE a venue that doesn't include everyone. That's not rude, it's just don't give yourself an out you don't deserve. I've been burned by family with this, so I'm probably projecting, OP. 

    If you're not close to people, don't feel you need to invite them. period. Just own that decision and don't waver.
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    NymeruNymeru member
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    Stick with the guest list that makes you happy.  End of story.  There might be some hurt feelings, but ultimately, it's up to you to decide what matters most to you.
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    allisonelizallisoneliz member
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    Totally fine.

    Due to family sizes/closeness of relationships, we invited all aunts and uncles, but only invited cousins on H's father's side and my mother's side, but not on H's mother's side and my father's side. The cousins we didn't invite are people we never see and have no real relationship with.
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    Anniversary

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    twitterbirdtwitterbird member
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    Its fine to invite all, some, or none of your first cousins. I have invited some (the ones I'm close to) which is the usual way things are in my family. My fiance has far fewer cousins than me and is inviting all. I know people who invited 1 cousin from each side as a sort of representative. Don't waiver. And remember these are all adults who should be able to deal with not getting invited. At least in the long run.
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