Since high school, I've had a friend "John." John and I have always been close, almost like another brother to me. We lost contact for a few years after I got married, but bumped into each other again after my divorce.
After we gained contact again, we became close friends...texting, talking on the phone, going out to eat, and especially talking about dating and relationships, giving each other advice, etc. (John is gay.) We saw each other through a lot of boyfriends and break ups.
When FI "Paul" and I started dating, John admitted to me that he was jealous. (He's only had one long term boyfriend, and that person ended the relationship. He has been actively hoping for a relationship for a long time.) John refused to even MEET Paul. All of my other friends have met Paul and love him, including my family.
Last month a mutual friend had a block party and John was there. He went up to Paul, introduced himself and the 2 of them started talking. I felt like the ice had been broken. John and I have been texting more, mainly about teaching and John's upcoming dates. Paul knows, but isn't happy about it.
Paul is still mad that John pre judged him, and I don't blame him. John was 100% wrong for not even willing to meet Paul. I feel like John had made an effort to wipe the slate clean, but Paul is still upset about it. He refers to John as a backstabber. I feel that everyone makes mistakes. I'm willing to forgive John, but Paul isn't. (I know that's also because I've known John for so many years.)
I feel torn in a way. I want to forgive John, but I feel like I'm not supporting Paul. I just want to forgive a friend who made a mistake and still have a loving relationship with my FI. Maybe I should just tell John, "too little, too late", or maybe I should remind Paul that everybody makes mistakes. I feel like the monkey in the middle.
