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Help! Downsizing!

robinettearobinettea member
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in Wedding Party
My fiance and I have a rather large wedding planned for my grandfather's birthday in May of 2015. I have always wanted a small, simple wedding and always assumed he wanted something bigger. Somehow, our wedding turned into 250+ guests, etc. We both realized it isn't what we want. Instead, we would rather move the wedding date up. We have been together almost 9 years. We are ready. So my question(s) are: (1) How do I properly announce to my family that we have decided not to celebrate our day on my Grandfather's birthday and (2) How do we tell our wedding party that we have downsized and have decided on no bridesmaids/groomsmen (All bridesmaids have been formerly asked). Thank you! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! #inabind
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Re: Help! Downsizing!

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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    robinettea said:
    My fiance and I have a rather large wedding planned for my grandfather's birthday in May of 2015. I have always wanted a small, simple wedding and always assumed he wanted something bigger. Somehow, our wedding turned into 250+ guests, etc. We both realized it isn't what we want. Instead, we would rather move the wedding date up. We have been together almost 9 years. We are ready. So my question(s) are: (1) How do I properly announce to my family that we have decided not to celebrate our day on my Grandfather's birthday and (2) How do we tell our wedding party that we have downsized and have decided on no bridesmaids/groomsmen (All bridesmaids have been formerly asked). Thank you! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! #inabind
    1) This doesn't need to be a big announcement.  Just tell your parents the next time you talk to them, tell your siblings, etc.  Let the word spread.  Then when you send out the invitations for the smaller wedding which is happening sooner, they'll know.  Don't make any announcement to people who will not be invited to the smaller wedding.  You can send them a wedding announcement after you get married if you wish.

    2) Eeesh, this is going to hurt some feelings even if you don't intend to.  You're in the clear with the GM, but since you've asked BMs, it is very hurtful to ask them to step down even if you don't single any single one out.

    I assume the BMs will still at least be invited, so this isn't an issue of trying to limit guests.  Why not still call them BMs, just keep it low key?  They can choose their own dresses and carry a single flower instead of an expensive bouquet.  Or (if Fi goes through with having GM) all the attendants can be waiting at the top when you start walking, so there is no long processional.  You could even seat them all together in the front row with corsages.

    If you really want to have zero attendants, you will just have to tell them directly and probably hurt some feelings.  I know I would be hurt if my friend asked me to be a BM and then decided not to have any BMs after all.

    Lurkers: another reason not to choose your wedding party until you are really firm in your wedding plans!
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    chibiyuichibiyui member
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    As long as you haven't sent out save the dates, you can let it spread word of mouth that you're moving the wedding up.

    I'd suggest keeping your bridesmaids as is, and just not ask them to stand up with you or dictate a dress.
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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Did you send out STDs?  If you did, you should send out announcements now to all those guests.  "The wedding of B & G will not take place as planned on date."  You can spread by word of mouth that you are now planning a smaller ceremony.  Then you can send out wedding announcements to all.  "B & G were married in a private ceremony.  Date, City, State."

    If you didn't send out STDs, then you can skip the initial announcements canceling your wedding.  Then just send the wedding announcement after you marry.
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    ifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderfulifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderful member
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    I feel differently, if I was in this situation and was asked to be a bridesmaid originally I wouldn't be hurt (as long as I was still invited). I think the fact that your wedding is going a completely opposite direction then originally planned makes it less offensive in my mind. 
    I'm also at the point in my life where it was fun to be a bridesmaid when I was younger but at 29, I'm happy to just be invited to the wedding, I still get to go to the pre-wedding parties and it's cheaper for me =) 

    You know your crowd though, if you think they will be upset then I think PP had good ideas of having them but they don't need to stand up with you, etc. 

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