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Wedding drama like you've never heard... Seriously

NYCbridetobe2014NYCbridetobe2014 member
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in Wedding Woes
I had been so stressed planning things right up to the day of my wedding.  I was mostly concerned about children (my husband's nephews) running around all night.  Well, wouldn't you know, that's exactly what happened.  The 3-year-old was allowed to run up to the stage in the middle of my vows, which I had to stop to correct the situation.  I expressed my feelings about how inappropriate this was, and my MIL screamed in my face and threatened to leave the wedding.  Then, after pictures, she pulled my husband aside AT MY WEDDING RECCEPTION and told him again that she was leaving and that she never wanted to see my husband or I again and that she wanted nothing to do with us ever again.  This all happened at my wedding, in my dream day, which was basically ruined.

The night went on without any other major glitches, but I was upset.  I still managed to dance and have fun.  But what happened never should have never happened.  I left my wedding crying that night, partly because of all the champagne I drank to assuage my hurt feelings and partly because I knew I could never get a do-over of what was supposed to be my perfect day.

I'm left feeling resentful at my now-husband because he insisted the children be there, even though I knew their parents would not watch them properly.  In the end, it caused a rift between his family and I, which in turn is causing a rift between myself and my husband in our new marriage.

I need to find a way to move on.  When people ask me at work, "How was the wedding?  Amazing?" I get upset all over again.  I'm thinking of doing a one-year vow renewal in Italy next summer just so that I can have some positive feelings associated with exchanging our vows.  It's been very hard to start a marriage this way.  Looking for any advice on how to move on from this.
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Re: Wedding drama like you've never heard... Seriously

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    NYCbridetobe2014NYCbridetobe2014 member
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    Hah I wish this were not true, but unfortunately it is.  Looking back, I should've just gone to city hall with my husband and a photographer and truly enjoyed what getting married is all about.
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    PMeg819PMeg819 member
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    So your nephews are shitty, you didn't want them there but got roped into letting be there anyways, then they "ruined" your day and now your alienating your husband and his family over this. First, why didn't you stand your ground initially? If your future husband didn't support you then that would be a good indicator of where you stood. In the end, it is one mother fucking day. Fuck, go to Chuck E Cheese and while the animatronic band plays whisper those vows in his ear. Then go play skeeball.

    Side note: I took a Percocet because the pain in my chest and throat is bad from coughing. It is definitely kicking in. 
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    NYCbridetobe2014NYCbridetobe2014 member
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    I just whispered please and looked at the kids and their father, my husband's brother, moved them.  That's not the upsetting part, though.  What I think is the craziest thing is the scene my MIL created by disowning my husband and I at our wedding.  Just so tacky and disrespectful.  Ugh, just elope engaged people if you're reading this!
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    PMeg819PMeg819 member
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    NYCbridetobe2014 said:
    I just whispered please and looked at the kids and their father, my husband's brother, moved them.  That's not the upsetting part, though.  What I think is the craziest thing is the scene my MIL created by disowning my husband and I at our wedding.  Just so tacky and disrespectful.  Ugh, just elope engaged people if you're reading this!

    It is tacky and disrespectful. But it makes her look bad, not you. Let her look like a weirdo and move on. Recognize that she is possibly batshit insane. She wanted to get to you, and by the looks of it- succeeded. You have a choice to let her win by continuing to wallow in your misery or see it for what it is and take the high road.
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    HeffalumpHeffalump member
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    PMeg819 said:
    NYCbridetobe2014 said:
    I just whispered please and looked at the kids and their father, my husband's brother, moved them.  That's not the upsetting part, though.  What I think is the craziest thing is the scene my MIL created by disowning my husband and I at our wedding.  Just so tacky and disrespectful.  Ugh, just elope engaged people if you're reading this!

    It is tacky and disrespectful. But it makes her look bad, not you. Let her look like a weirdo and move on. Recognize that she is possibly batshit insane. She wanted to get to you, and by the looks of it- succeeded. You have a choice to let her win by continuing to wallow in your misery or see it for what it is and take the high road.
    If someone like this disowned me, I'd be like "OSSUM!"
    �
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    pegasuskatpegasuskat member
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    If that is really all that happened during the wedding, then why did she disown you? What was she mad about?
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    NYCbridetobe2014 said:
    I had been so stressed planning things right up to the day of my wedding.  I was mostly concerned about children (my husband's nephews) running around all night.  Well, wouldn't you know, that's exactly what happened.  The 3-year-old was allowed to run up to the stage in the middle of my vows, which I had to stop to correct the situation.  I expressed my feelings about how inappropriate this was, and my MIL screamed in my face and threatened to leave the wedding.  Then, after pictures, she pulled my husband aside AT MY WEDDING RECCEPTION and told him again that she was leaving and that she never wanted to see my husband or I again and that she wanted nothing to do with us ever again.  This all happened at my wedding, in my dream day, which was basically ruined.

    The night went on without any other major glitches, but I was upset.  I still managed to dance and have fun.  But what happened never should have never happened.  I left my wedding crying that night, partly because of all the champagne I drank to assuage my hurt feelings and partly because I knew I could never get a do-over of what was supposed to be my perfect day.

    I'm left feeling resentful at my now-husband because he insisted the children be there, even though I knew their parents would not watch them properly.  In the end, it caused a rift between his family and I, which in turn is causing a rift between myself and my husband in our new marriage.

    I need to find a way to move on.  When people ask me at work, "How was the wedding?  Amazing?" I get upset all over again.  I'm thinking of doing a one-year vow renewal in Italy next summer just so that I can have some positive feelings associated with exchanging our vows.  It's been very hard to start a marriage this way.  Looking for any advice on how to move on from this.
    JIC, y'all
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    themosthappy91themosthappy91 member
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    NYCbridetobe2014 said:
    I just whispered please and looked at the kids and their father, my husband's brother, moved them.  That's not the upsetting part, though.  What I think is the craziest thing is the scene my MIL created by disowning my husband and I at our wedding.  Just so tacky and disrespectful.  Ugh, just elope engaged people if you're reading this!
    Rather than advising engaged couples to elope, I would just advise them to NEVER EXPECT YOUR WEDDING DAY (or any day really) TO BE PERFECT.  That is truly the best recipe for a night that ends in tears and disappointment, because no day can live up to that kind of hype.

    I understand that what happened to you was way worse than a normal "slip-up" like tripping over your dress or something... but I have to believe that your expectations probably played a role in 1) how you reacted to the children interrupting your vows (agree with PP's that we are not getting the full story between your whispered "Please" and your MIL disowning you) and 2) how you handled you MIL subsequently.  Not saying you are to blame (though again, we kind of need the whole story), but you probably set yourself up for a bad night to some degree.

    That being said, sorry your wedding wasn't what you wanted but it seems crazy that this is affecting your relationship with your husband.  What happened at the wedding is over and done with- tell him "I told you so" about the kids misbehaving and be sure to get on the same page about how to handle his family hence forward.    
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    kerbohlkerbohl member
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    I am sorry that some things were no perfect on your wedding day, but the only thing you have control over here is how you react to it. It does not have to be ruined in your eyes, and even how your MIL affects your relationship does not have to be negative. She disowned you at your wedding - yes, unfortunate, but as a PP said, that reflects on her, not you. It might be hard, but you have to get past that and focus on the good things that happened on your wedding day and the good things about your husband. Don't punish him for his mother and his nephew's actions. And no offense, but I think your husband was right to insist that his nephew's were there, if there were that important to him. He had a say in the guest list too, and I'm sure he weighed in that fact that they might misbehave. I would hate for my DH to have insisted that my nephews not come to our wedding.

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    thejucheideathejucheidea member
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    NYCbridetobe2014 said:

    I need to find a way to move on.  When people ask me at work, "How was the wedding?  Amazing?" I get upset all over again.  I'm thinking of doing a one-year vow renewal in Italy next summer just so that I can have some positive feelings associated with exchanging our vows.  It's been very hard to start a marriage this way.  Looking for any advice on how to move on from this.
    I have positive feelings associated with exchanging vows with my husband. You know what those positive feelings are? Knowing that our words led to being married to awesome husband. The wedding is one day -- the marriage is everything else. You're putting way too many emotions into that one day. Focus on your marriage rather than planning to do a redo. It makes you look like you consider your wedding more important than your marriage, and that's super, SUPER shitty.

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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    edited August 2014

    1) Watch "Christmas Vacation" and use it for a metaphor here - Setting unattainable expectations (i.e. the PERFECT day) is always going to lead to disappointment because you're looking for the negative no matter how tiny it is and blowing it out of proportion. 

    2) Why wait?  Why not get dressed up, go someplace like a park/gardens/etc. that won't break the bank, and have your Do-over there.  If it was that bad, why wait to make it up and waste a year of your married life sulking about it. 

    3) Any chance that it might have been MORE disruptive for the Dad to pick up the 3-yo and had him/her scream the whole walk out of the area you were?  Sometimes it's about the lesser of two evils and he was also in a mortifying situation.  It could have taken what you thought was a "disaster" and taken it to so many worse levels and that's not mentioning exactly what the PP have mentioned about "missing parts here" in the story. Our officiant told us in our prep "if anything happens, JUST ROLL WITH IT and keep going!" - referencing someone knocks over from a heart attack, you fall on your dress and bloody our nose, kid fussing, my special needs cousin who serenated us the entire ceremony, etc.  How they responded may have sucked, but it could have been far worse - like how you reacted to it in letting it ruin 100% of your memory of the day!

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    HAha, what the shit am I reading?

    You're married, wasn't that the main goal? I mean, yes it sucks SO MUCH that your MIL acted like that, but you seem WAY more worried that one day wasn't sunshine and rainbows then the fact that there's now a rift in your new family.

    And I can't say my first thought would be "I better go blow a ton of cash doing all this over again!" Counseling. That would probably be my thoughts.
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    Teddy917Teddy917 member
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    I really don't think you needed to stop the ceremony because of your nephew. It probably drew a lot more attention with you stopping than it would have otherwise. Had you just smiled at your nephew wanting to look at how pretty you are (or whatever was going on in his mind) and continued, you would've looked like the most serene and patient bride.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Teddy917 said:
    I really don't think you needed to stop the ceremony because of your nephew. It probably drew a lot more attention with you stopping than it would have otherwise. Had you just smiled at your nephew wanting to look at how pretty you are (or whatever was going on in his mind) and continued, you would've looked like the most serene and patient bride.
    I can't blame her there, because I would be pissed to. If your kid is running around the alter, you should collect that kid. And be embarrassed.

    But I probably wouldn't have said anything, per say. I'd probably just glance at the parents like "Hey, you want to come collect him?"
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    larrygagalarrygaga member
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    Can anyone on Earth honestly say that there wasn't drama at their wedding, or something that bothers them and they wish hadn't happened? No.

    However, there are many, many people who take the drama and regrettable problems in stride and realize nothing is ever perfect.

    Ask anyone who claims they had a gorgeous, perfect, blessed wedding what went wrong, and what the drama was. They will have something to share.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I don't know how many wedding magazines or websites told you that your wedding day is going to be the most PERFECT day, but they lied.  At the end of the day, your only expectation should be that you are marrying the love of your life and everything else is just small potatoes.
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    danamwdanamw member
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    The child who ran up on the stage should have been better supervised but if that is all it was, it would have been manageable.

    Your MIL sounds disturbed, extremely drunk, or both. I bet this isn't the first time she has flipped out in public. People probably know how she is. Let your husband handle her from now on.

    Wedding days are stressful for the principals. Annoyances and grievances are magnified. Give it some time.

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