Need ideas: Will be apart 2 years

Re: Need ideas: Will be apart 2 years

• Maggie0829 member

  

  September 2014

  finalist4msveteranamerica said:

  Hello everyone,
  
  I'm looking for tactful / etiquette-approved ideas for a registry where we really don't "need" anything for the next couple years.  Many of my original ideas were "etiquette breaches" so before I proceed, I thought I'd get your ideas.
  
  Long version:  I'm in the military and just got stationed away from my fiance (we'll be apart for a couple more years).  We decided to go ahead and get married (vice waiting for me to retire and move back) and because we will be apart, I originally wasn't going to register for anything.  He has his household, I have mine, and we won't know until we move together what "we" need.  I don't want to waste people's time or money buying stuff.  Then reading through the posts in this and other wedding sites, I see that you might as well register because people are going to buy gifts whether you want them or not.  So I thought of some other ideas:  in lieu of gifts, send us a page with your best wedding advice, or send us your favorite books, resources, etc for having a great marriage.  Or even registering for travel through sites like honeyfund. 
  
  We could just not register, but then he is from the South and apparently you *must* register (smile).  I've not decided one way or another and I'm hoping one of you "strangers on the internet" will have some great ideas for registry kinds of things I may not have thought about. 
  
  
  

  Yeah, all of this, just no.  Especially the bolded.  At that point you may as well carry around a mug asking for money.

  
  

  Personally I would just not register for anything.  Most people will give you money for your wedding if they want to give you a gift.  Very rarely do people bring gifts.  Even if you did the weird "send us your best wedding advice" people will still get you what they want to get you.

  
  

  If you feel like you must register for something I would think about more sentimental things such as a set of china or put some decor items that you have seen and love but haven't bought.  I realize that you have two separate households, but I am sure you can talk to your FI about things that you both need/want and come up with a list.  I mean I am sure you know what things you have and he knows what things he has.

  
  

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• photokitty mod

  

  September 2014

  If I were you I would pick out a china pattern and register for it. It appeases the "Southern" desire of registering - it's very traditional and most household don't already have fine china. It is also not something you typically will buy for yourself later. It's memorable and lasts.

  
  

  Besides that I would say don't register - or just register for the china, several place setting and all the serving ware pieces.

  
  

  We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. Even people in the South =o) 

  Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use honeymoon (HM) registries. The people who use HM registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. You you will ACTUALLY receive that massage, not a credit on your bill and if you decide you can get the massage or take the excursion. 

  
  

  For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. 

  If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 

  
  

   A HM is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). 

  
  

  GL!

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• txbandwife member

  

  September 2014

  photokitty said:

  If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-)
  
  Question on this: If we don't register, should we state that we are not registered on the wed-site or just not mention it at all? I've seen on this site (thanks all) that the typical protocol is the couple don't register and people close to them spread the word. In our case, we're apart and spread far from our families and the people we are sending invites to are geographically separated as well.  So I'm not sure how well word of mouth will work.
  
  Thanks
  

  
  

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• MNVegas member

  

  September 2014

  If you do not register most people will get the hint that cash would be appreciated. Of course there is always going to be guest who do not give cash gifts so doing a small registry might be a good idea.

  Mary Click here for my bio!

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  September 2014

  If he insists on a registry, I'd make one and put china, glassware, silverware, nice table linens and fancy sheets on there. They'll still be useful 2 years from now.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  September 2014

  Don't do honeyfund or anything like it. They take a percent cut of your cash gifts and are deceptive. 

  
  

  If he's worried about people scoffing at no registry, just make a really basic registry - bedroom linens, bathroom linens, fine china, every day china, silverware, pots/pans, kitchen appliances, other appliances (e.g. vacuum, steamer, etc.)... All of that stuff will be good 2 years from now. 

  
  

  I wouldn't post it on your website. Make people ask you where you're registered. It'll give you an opportunity to say, "We are saving up for XYZ, but we do have a small registry at ________." People get it.

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• photokitty mod

  

  September 2014

  finalist4msveteranamerica said:

  photokitty said:

  If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-)
  
  Question on this: If we don't register, should we state that we are not registered on the wed-site or just not mention it at all? I've seen on this site (thanks all) that the typical protocol is the couple don't register and people close to them spread the word. In our case, we're apart and spread far from our families and the people we are sending invites to are geographically separated as well.  So I'm not sure how well word of mouth will work.
  
  Thanks
  

  Word of mouth is best. Personally, I would find it abrasive to see "we're not registered" on the wedding website. 

  
  

  When people can't find a registry they will either take the hint to give you cash or reach out to you or your parents to ask. People reached out to us and our parents for guidance. When asked where you are registered, you (or they) can tell folks you are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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