Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion

Bridesmaid question

abc234abc234 member
First Comment First Anniversary
edited August 2014 in Wedding Party
I am a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding. There's at least 4 other bridesmaids, with the wedding now just two months out.  I have never met any of the other girls and the bride hasn't really mentioned them.  I'm the only local one. Her MOH, however, has contacted me via text asking if I had been trying to get in touch with her. When I told her no,  I did take the opportunity to follow up and ask if she wanted to plan to do a bridal get together while she was in town visiting and she declined. I shrugged it off but thought it was a little odd she had texted. 

 So far, I have been the one helping with everything, which is fine. I am happy to help. However,   I am now feeling swamped. I think bachelorette party planning would be a good way for the other girls to get involved. How would it be best to communicate that this should be a team effort ? I am afraid that the bride and MOH may both have assumed I will be taking the lead and I am feeling like this is not my position.  
Report Reply to Post

Re: Bridesmaid question

  • doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    abc234 said:
    I am a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding. There's at least 4 other bridesmaids, with the wedding now just two months out.  I have never met any of the other girls and the bride hasn't really mentioned them.  I'm the only local one. Her MOH, however, has contacted me via text asking if I had been trying to get in touch with her. When I told her no,  I did take the opportunity to follow up and ask if she wanted to plan to do a bridal get together while she was in town visiting and she declined. I shrugged it off but thought it was a little odd she had texted. 

     So far, I have been the one helping with everything, which is fine. I am happy to help. However,   I am now feeling swamped. I think bachelorette party planning would be a good way for the other girls to get involved. How would it be best to communicate that this should be a team effort ? I am afraid that the bride and MOH may both have assumed I will be taking the lead and I am feeling like this is not my position.  
    It is no one's responsibility to plan a bachelorette party or anything else.  All you have to do is get the dress, show up on time, walk down the aisle, and smile for pictures.  Apparently you offered to host a bachelorette party, so that is on you now.  If you want to, you can send out an e-mail to all the other BMs and mention that you are planning one and ask if anyone is interested in planning it too (but put no pressure, they are free to decline).
    image
    Report Reply
  • Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    I didn't get the impression that the offer of a bachelorette party had been made, just that the OP thought it would be a good idea for somebody else to plan.  I feel that if nobody else has mentioned it, then there might be a financial issue with the other BMs who all have to travel for the wedding.  
    @ABC234, if you are too stressed, busy, financially stretched to plan a bachelorette party, it's OK.  I think this bride might have realized the limitations of the other ladies. You could always take the bride out for drinks one night, just the two of you.  Also, there are tons of ways all the BMs can spend the night before the wedding, with the bride, so everybody can get to know each other.  However it shakes out, the bride wanted these ladies to stand up with her for her own reasons.  It doesn't have to put more work on you.
    Report Reply
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    OP - take a step back.  You don't need to over stress yourself out.  You asked the MOH if she wanted to plan any sort of get together, she said no.  That doesn't mean you are required to plan anything.  If you want to do something for the bride, keep it small for your sanity's sake.  Not all bride's get showers or b-parties, so don't feel like you owe her this.

    If you are feeling swamped, it is ok to say no. 

    Report Reply
  • abc234abc234 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Thanks for the feedback- it sounds like basically if I am the one to throw out the idea, the planning is my responsibility.   While I haven't officially offered to throw a bachelorette party, the bride had asked me awhile back if I would be interested in helping her MOH plan one. I had told her I'd be happy to give her some ideas (not sure if that counts as being the one throwing it; and this is why I think the bride may be expecting me to take action). However, I haven't heard anything about a bachelorette from her MOH, and  since she lives so far away I don't think it would happen until the week of the wedding (which would be bad timing for me in the middle of a work week).  Maybe I should initiate a conversation with her and encourage her to reach out to everyone? Or is this overstepping my boundaries? 

    I would hate for the bride to not get a bachelorette celebration, so if MOH doesn't step up, I guess I will try to make something work. Like you guys suggested, it would need to be something more low key. 
    Report Reply
  • doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    abc234 said:
    Thanks for the feedback- it sounds like basically if I am the one to throw out the idea, the planning is my responsibility.   While I haven't officially offered to throw a bachelorette party, the bride had asked me awhile back if I would be interested in helping her MOH plan one. I had told her I'd be happy to give her some ideas (not sure if that counts as being the one throwing it; and this is why I think the bride may be expecting me to take action). However, I haven't heard anything about a bachelorette from her MOH, and  since she lives so far away I don't think it would happen until the week of the wedding (which would be bad timing for me in the middle of a work week).  Maybe I should initiate a conversation with her and encourage her to reach out to everyone? Or is this overstepping my boundaries? 

    I would hate for the bride to not get a bachelorette celebration, so if MOH doesn't step up, I guess I will try to make something work. Like you guys suggested, it would need to be something more low key. 
    Only if you want to, a lot of people don't have any pre-wedding parties, let alone bachelorette parties.
    image
    Report Reply
  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    PPs are right. You offer to plan, you are the hostess and you cannot ask people to contribute money or time. If they offer, definitely take them up if you want to.

    If you don't have time to plan a Bach, don't. If you do plan one, it doesn't have to be My Super Sweet 16 style. Just tell people, "OK we're all meeting for dinner at ______ at 7:00 and then bar hopping. Hope to see you there." Then, if you want, get the bride a boa or something. Done.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • abc234abc234 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    As an update to this story, the MOH just contacted me saying she can't plan it from far away and asked me to serve as her "ambassador" for the bachelorette party. What the heck does this even mean? 
    Report Reply
  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    abc234 said:

    As an update to this story, the MOH just contacted me saying she can't plan it from far away and asked me to serve as her "ambassador" for the bachelorette party. What the heck does this even mean? 

    It means she wants you to host it. If you don't want to, tell her you are too slammed with work and personal life and cannot plan it. Tell her to find another ambassador. What a stupid word for this....
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards