Friend is furious I didn't put her in wedding...

andyleemrrs · August 2014

I got engaged in April. We are having the wedding March 2015. I have been friends with this girl since Freshman year of high school. However, I have been a little strained with the friendship. Every boyfriend I have EVER had, she hits on him. If the guy turned her down, she would try to tell me he is a horrible person and I should dump him. The last straw was last year. I was seeing this guy and she hit on him right in front of me. He clearly turned her down and so the next day she CALLED MY MOTHER and told my mom he was using me and he made fun of me to my face. So my mom calls asking what that is about. First off, it never happened. Needless to say, I have NOT introduced her to my fiancé. I decided to forgive her for all the non sense in the past, but obviously I did not put her in the wedding. When we got engaged, I tried calling her multiple times to tell her the news and she ignored my calls and never called back. So I posted it on Facebook. She sent me a message the NEXT day saying its wrong that I didn't tell her first and that I didn't make her my MOH. She made me feel horrible. But then about a month later she told me that she wouldn't be able to come to the wedding because she lost her job and couldn't afford anything (we are getting married 2,000 miles away). Should I still invite her?

manateehugger · August 2014

andyleemrrs said:

I got engaged in April. We are having the wedding March 2015. I have been friends with this girl since Freshman year of high school. However, I have been a little strained with the friendship. Every boyfriend I have EVER had, she hits on him. If the guy turned her down, she would try to tell me he is a horrible person and I should dump him. The last straw was last year. I was seeing this guy and she hit on him right in front of me. He clearly turned her down and so the next day she CALLED MY MOTHER and told my mom he was using me and he made fun of me to my face. So my mom calls asking what that is about. First off, it never happened. Needless to say, I have NOT introduced her to my fiancé. I decided to forgive her for all the non sense in the past, but obviously I did not put her in the wedding. When we got engaged, I tried calling her multiple times to tell her the news and she ignored my calls and never called back. So I posted it on Facebook. She sent me a message the NEXT day saying its wrong that I didn't tell her first and that I didn't make her my MOH. She made me feel horrible. But then about a month later she told me that she wouldn't be able to come to the wedding because she lost her job and couldn't afford anything (we are getting married 2,000 miles away). Should I still invite her?

I'm confused as to why you are even still friends with this person.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

She sounds like a histrionic, boarderline personality crazypants.

Invite her if you want. Personally, I would use this as an opportunity to distance myself from her. I would not invite her and start pulling away from this "friendship". What are you getting out of it anyway?

andyleemrrs · August 2014

Im not sure, I guess I just feel obligated since we have been friends for so long lol. But I hear your point.

manateehugger · August 2014

Someone who pulled this crap with me, I'd be letting the friendship naturally die off. It sounds like she doesn't bring anything to the table nor do you sound like you enjoy her company. .

thisismynickname2 · August 2014

Just Say No.

I had to pull the "limited guest list" excuse on a crazy friend too and I don't regret it one iota.

climbingwife · August 2014

Why are you friends with this person? So what if you've been friends since HS? That doesn't mean shit.

Maggie0829 · August 2014

andyleemrrs said:

I got engaged in April. We are having the wedding March 2015. I have been friends with this girl since Freshman year of high school. However, I have been a little strained with the friendship. Every boyfriend I have EVER had, she hits on him. If the guy turned her down, she would try to tell me he is a horrible person and I should dump him. The last straw was last year. I was seeing this guy and she hit on him right in front of me. He clearly turned her down and so the next day she CALLED MY MOTHER and told my mom he was using me and he made fun of me to my face. So my mom calls asking what that is about. First off, it never happened. Needless to say, I have NOT introduced her to my fiancé. I decided to forgive her for all the non sense in the past, but obviously I did not put her in the wedding. When we got engaged, I tried calling her multiple times to tell her the news and she ignored my calls and never called back. So I posted it on Facebook. She sent me a message the NEXT day saying its wrong that I didn't tell her first and that I didn't make her my MOH. She made me feel horrible. But then about a month later she told me that she wouldn't be able to come to the wedding because she lost her job and couldn't afford anything (we are getting married 2,000 miles away). Should I still invite her?

Jen4948 · August 2014

Heck no, you shouldn't invite her. It would be an insult to the FI she tried to make problems with you over, not to mention yourself. Both you and your FI deserve better than that.

In fact, I wouldn't even stay friends with her after that.

beethery · August 2014

That bitch ain't friend material. Don't invite her ass.

Lauderdale Pink · August 2014

First, you get a standing ovation for trying to take the high road. But, I don't think this person is emotionally stable and I prefer not to have unstable people in my life. I probably would have "undfriended" her on Facebook, just so she would not have any access to my life.

AddieCake · August 2014

Yeah, I'd be done with this friendship.

novella1186 · August 2014

The fact that you've known her for a while means nothing. If she constantly does crappy stuff to you, it's time to dump her. Life is too short to keep people around that treat you bad.

chibiyui · August 2014

DTMFA

DanikaMarie0227 · August 2014

andyleemrrs said:

Im not sure, I guess I just feel obligated since we have been friends for so long lol. But I hear your point.

Story time. I once had a friend who I realized that I really didn't like at all (she had an awful attitude and was kind of a mean person). Someone asked me why I was still friends with this girl & I basically said the same thing - I've been friends with her since we were like 11 years old (I was about 24 at the time). That person then said to me: "If I had a tumor on my body since I was 11 years old, I wouldn't keep it for sentimental value. I would get rid of it." That put it in perspective for me!

So to answer your question, I would not invite this girl.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

I'm just curious - how old is this girl?

And regarding inviting her to your wedding -

Simply Fated · August 2014

She hit on your boyfriends? The fact that you have been friends with her for so long does not mean you should invite her to your wedding. It just means you should have cut her off years ago.

danamw · August 2014

If she as already told you she can't attend the wedding, then you have hit the invite lottery. If she gets mad at the non-invitation, you can say you thought she was telling you not to invite her.

She is bound to hit on some inappropriate man at the wedding, so why chance it?

MegEn1 · August 2014

Yeah. She sounds like the type who would magically find a way to come if you invited her.

Spare yourself the grief.

lessonlearnedinmay · August 2014

I would NOT invite her. And if it were me, i would not be friends with her anymore either. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, i would just drift apart.

banana468 · August 2014

Ditto the others. It sounds like she thinks you're far closer than you actually are. I wouldn't invite her.

I had a friend from childhood that thought this. In our mid-20s she went through a lot of trouble and I had to cut her out of my life. She began hanging out with people that were active in using illegal drugs, started doing things that made no sense for her (a Jewish girl going to a Catholic Church and receiving the Eucharist??) and despite her long sexual history and previously protecting herself, she got pregnant and ultimately gave up the baby for adoption. (I found out about the pregnancy when she was out of my life). She later wrote something on FB that she missed out on being in my wedding because of her actions but the truth was that we were starting to drift apart anyway.

larrygaga · August 2014

She tried to break you guys up and you still consider inviting her? eek!

You sound to me like the type of person that lets people walk all over you. I'm sure you are kind and forgiving, and those are amazing qualities to have, but you gotta learn when to say f*** off!

andyleemrrs · August 2014

Hi all! Update: She is not being invited because I have cut all ties. I don't need that negativity in my life. Thank you all so much for your advice! I feel much better!

ashbaker2010 · September 2014

The rule I have read and heard about (I can't remember if it was on the knot or pinterest) says if someone hasn't met your fiancé, then you shouldn't invite them. Now, there's the understandable, my family/friends lives way out of town, he lives out of town, whatever. But your friend, you purposely did not let her meet your fiancé for a really good reason. Then she's victimizing herself, after you tried calling her. I say "nope" don't invite her.

ksampson923 · September 2014

She has only caused drama in your life and I am sure your wedding planning/ wedding day won't be an exception. Save yourself the aggravation and do not invite her. Surround yourself with people you make you happy, not sad

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

ashbaker2010 said:

The rule I have read and heard about (I can't remember if it was on the knot or pinterest) says if someone hasn't met your fiancé, then you shouldn't invite them. Now, there's the understandable, my family/friends lives way out of town, he lives out of town, whatever. But your friend, you purposely did not let her meet your fiancé for a really good reason. Then she's victimizing herself, after you tried calling her. I say "nope" don't invite her.

What on earth? No.

A bunch of my friends hadn't met my husband before our wedding. I hadn't met several of his friends. I'm SO glad we didn't shun people just because some stupid Pinterest rule.

The only way I could ever even see that "rule" (it's not btw) being a thing is if every single person is local. In today's world, that's extremely unlikely.

tonynjenni · September 2014

You do not need that negativity on your wedding day let alone in your life. Cut the ties and move on. Not all people are meant to be our friends forever and it seems that she isn't really your friend anyway. Do not let her have the satisfaction if giving you any more anxiety than she has already caused. Have a beautiful wedding with the people who are truly there out of friendship and love!

keljocurtis · September 2014

No. If she isn't going to add something special to your wedding day, then the answer is no. If you've been trying to distance yourself from her, then there is your answer. Inviting her to your wedding would just be reeling her right back in. You are going to spend your entire wedding day (and the days prior) worried about her actions. Don't do that to yourself. BYE FELICIA!

OliveOilsMom · September 2014

Was this thread included in the newsletter? Kinda seems like it was.

ashley8918 · September 2014

OliveOilsMom said:

Was this thread included in the newsletter? Kinda seems like it was.

It sure was. I just got it this morning.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

ashbaker2010 said:

The rule I have read and heard about (I can't remember if it was on the knot or pinterest) says if someone hasn't met your fiancé, then you shouldn't invite them. Now, there's the understandable, my family/friends lives way out of town, he lives out of town, whatever. But your friend, you purposely did not let her meet your fiancé for a really good reason. Then she's victimizing herself, after you tried calling her. I say "nope" don't invite her.

No offense, but that rule is bullshit. I have been to plenty of weddings for friends where I didn't meet the bride / groom until the day of the wedding. Granted, these are all friends who live out of state, but it is no big deal. When DH and I got engaged, we had been dating for 3 months, and at the time I was traveling out-of-state for work 4 days a week. There were quite a few people who didn't meet me (or him) until the wedding day. NBD.

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