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Toasts

krystalandchadkrystalandchad member
First Anniversary First Comment
edited October 2014 in Wedding Reception Forum
So my sister was my original MOH. But because financially and timewise she has been unable to contribute, she demoted herself to BM and my bestie has been promoted as MOH. I know toasts are usually made by the MOH and BM, but I think my sister expects to make a toast. And if my sister BM gets to make a toast, should the other BM be allowed to make a toast? And if so, should the groomsmen be able to make a toast also? 6 toasts is just excessive to me.
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Re: Toasts

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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    krystalandchad said:
    So my sister was my original MOH. But because financially and timewise she has been unable to contribute, she demoted herself to BM and my bestie has been promoted as MOH. I know toasts are usually made by the MOH and BM, but I think my sister expects to make a toast. And if my sister BM gets to make a toast, should the other BM be allowed to make a toast? And if so, should the groomsmen be able to make a toast also? 6 toasts is just excessive to me.
    What financial obligations and timewise stuff was your sister unable to contribute to?

    No one has to make toasts. They offer and you either accept or decline. However many you have, it shouldn't take more than 5-10 minutes TOPS. We didn't have any WP toasts at our wedding (ours happened at our RD). People actually complimented us on it because they were able to keep partying.

    ETA: to clarify, the 5-10 minutes includes everyone's toasts - not 5-10 min/each
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    krystalandchadkrystalandchad member
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    She played the distance card with time and money and unfamiliarity with the area (she is about 3 hours away) which with the web and info available now is BS to me.  She has a lot going on, much of her own taking, so I may feel a little upset about that, but thats another story.  Obligations I am including the shower, bachlorette party, her dress (which I bought because I want her to be a part of my day).  I feel like if she knew she would be unable to make the commitment then she should have said so at the beginning?
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    krystalandchad said:
    She played the distance card with time and money and unfamiliarity with the area (she is about 3 hours away) which with the web and info available now is BS to me.  She has a lot going on, much of her own taking, so I may feel a little upset about that, but thats another story.  Obligations I am including the shower, bachlorette party, her dress (which I bought because I want her to be a part of my day).  I feel like if she knew she would be unable to make the commitment then she should have said so at the beginning?
    Her only true commitment is to stand up in your wedding - to stand next to you as you say your vows. If she does that, she honored her commitment.

    An invitations to another event such as a shower and a bachelorette party is just that - an invitation, not summons. People are allowed to decline. Especially if they live far away and have a lot going on. 

    If she offers (you'll be lucky if she does at this point), I would let her give the toast instead of your "bestie". You will have already given her the honor of standing next to you as you say your vows, so IMO this is the least you can do for your sister. 
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    It's pretty shitty that you'd let your sister be demoted because of her financial situation.  It's even worse that you replaced her.

    Toasts are given by anyone who offers.  If your sister offers a toast, you can graciously accept or decline.  The same goes for any other attendants.  
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Wow. I can't believe you would treat your sister so terribly. She must have felt awfully guilty and pressured to demote herself.. and then you just let her? And you replaced her? The only acceptable response when your sister tells you she can't handle MOH "duties" would be: "OMG sister, I am so sorry if I made you feel that you had any obligation. As long as you can make it to the wedding to stand next to me, OF COURSE I want you to be my MOH! If you can't afford to throw/attend a shower or bach, that's fine! What's important to me is that you stand up with me because I love you."
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    edited September 2014
    The MOH has the same "responsibilies" as a BM.  To stand up next to you.  Why on earth would you allow her to demote herself?  And to replace her? Awful.  What exactly are you "expecting" of your MOH that your sister couldn't do?
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    jenna8984jenna8984 member
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    I agree with others here. Maybe we are misunderstanding the situation but it sounds pretty shitty that you'd allow your sister to be replaced just because she couldn't throw you a shower, which is not a mandatory event.

    But as for your question, who ever wants to make a speech. My dad and our best man didn't want to, but my MOH really wanted to so she did. It was fine that she was the only speech.

                                                                     

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    krystalandchadkrystalandchad member
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    She chose to demote herself and let one of the other bridemaids do the planning. It is my understanding that the bride does not plan her shower and bachlorette party, which means I would not have had one at all. If I treated her so terribly, I would not have purchased her dress for her. Or had my niece be in the wedding ceremony. I did not do any replacing or anyone, it was something they worked out on their own.
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    CTYankeeBrideCTYankeeBride member
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    krystalandchad said:
    She chose to demote herself and let one of the other bridemaids do the planning. It is my understanding that the bride does not plan her shower and bachlorette party, which means I would not have had one at all. If I treated her so terribly, I would not have purchased her dress for her. Or had my niece be in the wedding ceremony. I did not do any replacing or anyone, it was something they worked out on their own.
    You are correct that a bride does not plan her own bachelorette party or shower. Anyone who offers can plan a shower and bachelorette party. If no one offers, then you don't have one.  Showers and bachelorette parties are not a required element of a wedding.

     All your attendants (MOH or otherwise) are "required" to do is purchase the appropriate attire and show up on time for the ceremony.  Your attendants, including your MOH are not required to plan or throw (or even attend) any pre-wedding parties. 
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    krystalandchad said:
    She chose to demote herself and let one of the other bridemaids do the planning. It is my understanding that the bride does not plan her shower and bachlorette party, which means I would not have had one at all. If I treated her so terribly, I would not have purchased her dress for her. Or had my niece be in the wedding ceremony. I did not do any replacing or anyone, it was something they worked out on their own.
    You shouldn't allowed her to demote herself.  Nothing is required of her as the MOH.  In fact, any BM can throw you a shower/bachelorette.   Sometimes it's given by the whole bridal party.  And if no one steps up, you don't get one.  It's not the end of the world.

    I think it's terrible that you let your sister demote herself.  She probably feels really crappy because she felt like she had to throw you these parties and couldn't do it financially.  What you should've said was, "sister, you're the MOH, all I expect is for you to stand by my side". 
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    krystalandchad said:
    She chose to demote herself and let one of the other bridemaids do the planning. It is my understanding that the bride does not plan her shower and bachlorette party, which means I would not have had one at all. If I treated her so terribly, I would not have purchased her dress for her. Or had my niece be in the wedding ceremony. I did not do any replacing or anyone, it was something they worked out on their own.
    Really? So I can treat people like shit, but if I buy them an item of clothing (of MY choosing, btw), then it means I didn't treat them like shit?

    What terrible logic.
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    krystalandchadkrystalandchad member
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    She choose her own dress style, so that was not my choosing.  And she tried to say she could not be a part of the bridal party at all, which is why I purchased her dress.  I guess I have a more traditional outlook on things.
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    beetherybeethery member
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    edited September 2014
    krystalandchad said:
    She chose to demote herself and let one of the other bridemaids do the planning. It is my understanding that the bride does not plan her shower and bachlorette party, which means I would not have had one at all. If I treated her so terribly, I would not have purchased her dress for her. Or had my niece be in the wedding ceremony. I did not do any replacing or anyone, it was something they worked out on their own.
    To the bolded: If you don't get a party, who fucking cares? You're already having a wedding.

    I honestly can not think of anything I've read on this board that has come off more spoiled or self-centered than something to the effect of "SHE COULDN'T THROW ME A PAAAARTY SO I GOT SOMEONE WHO COULD"

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    Nobody needs a damn bachelorette or bridal shower. It's nice if you get one but you're not missing out on a life-changing experience if you don't get one.
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    I'm the fuck     out.

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    slothiegalslothiegal member
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    beethery said:
    krystalandchad said:
    She chose to demote herself and let one of the other bridemaids do the planning. It is my understanding that the bride does not plan her shower and bachlorette party, which means I would not have had one at all. If I treated her so terribly, I would not have purchased her dress for her. Or had my niece be in the wedding ceremony. I did not do any replacing or anyone, it was something they worked out on their own.
    To the bolded: If you don't get a party, who fucking cares? You're already having a wedding.

    I honestly can not think of anything I've read on this board that has come off more spoiled or self-centered than something to the effect of "SHE COULDN'T THROW ME A PAAAARTY SO I GOT SOMEONE WHO COULD"

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    Nobody needs a damn bachelorette or bridal shower. It's nice if you get one but you're not missing out on a life-changing experience if you don't get one.

    Right?  I didn't get a bachelorette party.  I was bummed at the time, but guess what?  I was still able to get married.  And it was a fucking awesome wedding.  And now I really could not give less of a shit about not getting a party.
    Anniversary

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