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Father as a Groomsman

Hey guys, so FI and I were talking last night and he said "do you think I should have my dad as a groomsman since I was his best man in his 2nd wedding".  This was the first he had brought up this idea, we had talked before that his two good guy friends would probably be in it (we haven't decided on having 1 or 2 people per side) and I figured his dad and stepmom would be the usual FOG/MOG (his mom died years ago).

I think he feels obligated since his reasoning was that he was in his dad's and now his dad needs to be in his, although I doubt his dad has an expectation of being a GM.  In my mind his dad will already have a special role as FOG.  Plus he is much closer to his friends than his dad since his dad is across the country and they talk once a week or every couple weeks but not a super close relationship, I would see it more if he had a very close relationship with his dad.

I'm not opposed to it, because at the end of the day he can have whoever he wants it just seems a little odd to me.  Just curious if anyone else has had a parent in the bridal party (along with other attendants of a similar age to the couple).

Re: Father as a Groomsman

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    kvruns said:

    Hey guys, so FI and I were talking last night and he said "do you think I should have my dad as a groomsman since I was his best man in his 2nd wedding".  This was the first he had brought up this idea, we had talked before that his two good guy friends would probably be in it (we haven't decided on having 1 or 2 people per side) and I figured his dad and stepmom would be the usual FOG/MOG (his mom died years ago).

    I think he feels obligated since his reasoning was that he was in his dad's and now his dad needs to be in his, although I doubt his dad has an expectation of being a GM.  In my mind his dad will already have a special role as FOG.  Plus he is much closer to his friends than his dad since his dad is across the country and they talk once a week or every couple weeks but not a super close relationship, I would see it more if he had a very close relationship with his dad.

    I'm not opposed to it, because at the end of the day he can have whoever he wants it just seems a little odd to me.  Just curious if anyone else has had a parent in the bridal party (along with other attendants of a similar age to the couple).

    I know several guys who have done this.  To each his own.  It's his decision.  I would just be wary of him doing it just for tit-for-tat.
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    My sister's husband had his dad as best man. It wasn't weird at all. Really sweet actually. 
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    My dad had his father as his best man as well (and his uncle as another groomsman)- my dad is an only child and his father was truly one of his best friends. But I'm in agreement with others, he should do it because of the relationship he has with the dad rather than just to reciprocate.
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    If your FI is considering this only so your sides match up, think again. Sides don't have to be even.
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    thanks for the opinions!  Definitely isn't an equal sides issue (he was considering 1-2 friends and I the same), just want to make sure he isn't doing it "tit for tat" as someone else posted.  If he really does want his dad up there he can do it.  Good to see others have had this too!
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    atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    I know this isn't the answer to the question you asked...but anyway...let him handle it/decide. You probably wouldn't want him inserting his opinion in who should be your BM/MOH. That's a really personal decision, I'm sure he can handle it.

    I think if he asks the whole "do you think I should..." question again, consider tell him that it's a really personal choice, and you know he'll pick the people he wants up there with him on the special day, and you'll be happy regardless of what he decides. You could get guilted either way--guilted for telling him to exclude his dad, or guilted for supporting him picking his dad out of obligation. This way, he can't put you (inadvertently or deliberately) in either position.

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    My husband had his dad as the BM.  It was his 2nd marriage (my 1st) and I felt like his selection reflected him recognizing the man most important to him that has stuck with him through thick & thin.  My sister was my MOH, so yeah, there was a 35+ age difference, but who cares?!  It's about the most important people to each of you and is for each of you to independently decide IMO.
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