Military Brides

Army Bride

Hello Ladies! So I see a lot of military wives, and I am the opposite. I just enlisted into the Army and leave for camp in January. My boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage for a while now, and me joining the military has ended up pushing that timeline up. In order for him to be on my orders for my first assignment, we have to be married prior to moving. Originally our thought was to just have a small ceremony after my graduation from specialized training, however, if we decide to get married prior to my shipping out we will get BAH which would help greatly with living expenses while I am at training. We have been discussing possibly just going to the courthouse/ justice of the peace and sign the documents for marriage, but then have a big ceremony/reception/going away shin-dig for after graduation and just prior to us moving to my first duty station. Has anyone done this before? The BAH payment would be extremely beneficial, I just don't know how extended family/friends would feel about us having a ceremony after we are legally married. Any suggestions? Thanks!

Re: Army Bride

  • I'm going to be frank and tell you that when I went to BCT, not one of the women came out with their relationship fully intact. This goes for married women, engaged women, dating women. Younger women, a 32 year old woman, everyone. This includes me. I'm still married, barely. And I was married 2 years before I joined, together 5. I'm 30. Don't get married before you ship. BCT is stressful enough without dealing with also being a brand new wife. See how you guys handle the separation and the stress. BAH isn't worth it dude. When I was at OCS, I was at legal and some poor private was in legal because he needed to get a divorce while at AIT because his wife changed her mind and couldn't handle the separation. They had been together for years prior, high school sweethears, all that. This poor guy couldn't even focus on his training. It was just sad.

    Wait until after AIT. Are you active duty? Enjoy BCT! Minus my personal drama, training was SO fun!
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • I read this on Friday and didn't want to reply on my phone because I had a lot to say.  Then I read the reply from @WishIcouldbeinthe'stan and I think you really really really need to listen to her.

    I was also an Army Bride some 18 years ago, but I am also a 4 time MOB as I have a blended family.  I would tell all of my girls (and one IS an Army wife!) what stan told you.  Please please listen to her wise words.  This is coming from a 26 year vet who has seen what she describes time and time again, and NO ONE is immune from this.

    Please wait til your training if finished and then see where you both are.  Best of luck to you.

     

  • I truly appreciate the honesty you ladies are giving me with your advice.  I have been going through the application process for the Army since March of this year and there has been lots of talk about what we would do if I did get this position on a marriage stand point.  My BF and I have been together for almost 4 years, 2 of which were long distance, and we have lived together for the last year; I am 25 and he is 28 and I have been working in law enforcement since graduating from college.  For the past 6 months we have been working completely different shifts, but we have been successful.  We both are aware that this will be a stressful situation and will test our relationship, however, distance has tested us before and we got through it and became a stronger relationship.  Our marriage at the courthouse is not for the BAH, it is so that we can be together when I get stationed since it will be out of state, if not out of the country.  I love this man more than anything in the world and even if this is the only ceremony we get I would survive.  Yes, every girl dreams of her dream wedding and I know that may never happen.  We still would like to have a celebration ceremony, the start of our lives together in the same location and a little party with close family and friends to celebrate our love, accomplishments and future.

    I know that I am not immune to the struggles, and it will be hard work, but at this moment this is what I am leaning towards.
  • Again, H and I were older, 29 and 31, he had been in 13 years. We were long distance too for a while, once because of college for me and once because of a combat deployment. Same with the other older female. Lots of LD because she was prior AF and her now XH was still in. It doesn't matter. BCT isn't like real life. My company was the strict company. At OCS some of the Benning guys told me they got phone calls every Sunday. I got three altogether and I earned them by scoring high on the red phase and white phase tests. The third one was one we all got.

    BAH isn't worth it. And if you're reserve or guard, you don't need to be married to get it anyway.
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • It is possibly for him to move to your duty station without getting married. I moved to my h's duty station before we were married and he was deployed at the time . We did not have BAH or anything to help us. That's what happens sometimes. Stan is right. It's not the age or length of your relationship that matters. It's fucking hard and it sucks. Some couples think they can make it through and find out they can't. It's a lot easier to break up than getting a divorce.
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  • I wasn't going to respond because Stan really hit the nail on the head but I am here to second what everyone else has said.  I'm 26, my husband is 27, and I went through basic this past year as well.  Prior to that my husband and I had gone through long distance relationship issues at different intervals.  First he was in the Navy and I was in college for 4 years, we spent another year apart when he deployed (part while he was boot on ground and part when I continued working in another state after he returned home).  Even him going through basic in the first 4 years didn't prepare us for the changes our relationship went through while I was in basic.  We said to ourselves, several times before, during, and even after basic, that this experience would either make or break our relationship.  

    You NEED to have a more realistic view of how this experience has the potential to change your relationship for the good or bad.  You will have enough changes going on trying to deal with the military, can you imagine trying to learn how to live with each other as husband and wife?  Give it time.  Don't rush it.  Your SO can move to be with you even without being on your orders as ggirl said.  I moved to be with my husband without being on his orders or being married to him.  See how things are going to work with you in the service before you make a permanent decision like that.  As a friend of mine who is getting married at the end of the week put it, "you can't just kick him out and be done with him when things don't work."

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    kmmssgkyrgyzstaniluvmytxrgrNegativity
  • I agree with everything everyone else had said. Being in a long distance relationship is nothing compared to what you are about to do. When I was in Basic, I went 36 days before speaking to my kids. During those first phone calls, nearly 1/3 of my platoon who were in relationships before were broken up with. Even married people. We didn't make phone calls for another 20 days after that.
    We aren't saying this will happen to you, it's just the odds are not in anyone's favor. We also recommend the girls on here who talk about weddings before a deployment or weddings directly after wait. Crap happens and people change.
    If you are stationed stateside, he can move to be with you at his own cost. If you get an overseas duty station, he can be added to orders later, in most cases.


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