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Vent: Friend/Frenemy/Acquaintance Drama (Update in comments)

AprilH81AprilH81 member
First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
edited October 2014 in Chit Chat
So I have this "friend" that I met through DH (she and her husband were the second of DH's friends I was introduced to). "Sarah" and I clicked instantly and became BFFs for awhile. We had a lot in common, both a bit snarky and the four of us hung out frequently for about a year and a half. I even considered asking her to be a bridesmaid until we decided to keep it to a MOH/BM only.

After DH proposed she was constantly asking about the wedding plans and then promptly criticizing everything (don't get your dress there, go here; don't serve that, it isn't fancy enough, etc.), so I tried to avoid wedding talk with her without being rude and ignoring her. During the 7 month engagement period the friendship cooled down and DH and I speculated that neither of us would be surprised if they no-showed to the wedding (surprise, they both attended!). Since the wedding in January we have seen them ONCE.

We see many Facebook posts of them hanging out with mutual friends (we introduced them to each other), they never respond to facebook posts and have generally checked out of our lives. (In her defense I don't know that we have extended more than 1-2 invitations during this time ourselves.)

We moved in May and had a kitchen remodel this summer so we haven't been in a place to host a lot of events at our house because of the work/mess. We sent out the evites to our Open House in a few weeks and she just sent in her RSVP as "yes". I was floored, so I texted DH that they were planning on coming. He told me that she had contacted him for help at her new job with some stuff that is in DH's wheelhouse. I was so bummed. It feels like she is only coming to the open house to "suck up" to DH so he helps her out with whatever she needs.

I know there isn't anything I can do. I'm not even sure that I need/want advice, I just wanted to vent about how aggravated I am with her and how it hurts my (and DH's) feelings when I see pictures of our friends out having fun without us. It just sucks. A very small part of me would like to know what we did to offend her, but it isn't worth the drama that may ensue.

And an interesting footnote... As I was doing the Facebook invites for the Open House I discovered I'm no longer "friends" with her husband (but DH is). No big loss since he is a very unhappy/cranky person, but it adds another layer of WTF to the whole situation.

Thanks for listening.

ETA: TK ate my paragraphs...
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Re: Vent: Friend/Frenemy/Acquaintance Drama (Update in comments)

  • I've learned that some "friendship" issues only exist inside the person's own head. They take nothing, work it up into a big drama, don't say a word to you about it, and then how dare you! Fuck em. Not worth the trouble. 
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  • I'm sorry you're feeling down about it. Maybe she's not just going to your open house to "suck up". Maybe she wants to rekindle. Either way, kill her with kindness. It's all you can do. 

    On the flip side, DH and I had some friends, John and Jane (names changed), who introduced us to some friends of theirs. We clicked and have developed great relationships with them. To make a very long and dramatic story short, John and Jane had a falling out with them and separated themselves from that group. John and Jane then basically told us to "choose" who we were going to be friends with. Um, no - we aren't in 1st grade. We basically said "Nope. We have nothing to do with your issues with them and want to be friends with both of you. If that's a problem for you, so be it." It has been a source of tension every since. 
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  • Oh the old facebook unfriend. I had a friend who not only unfriended me - but my FI, his mom, his step dad, etc. This was a friend who was getting so close to FI's family that it was freaking me out. Yet us not spending as much time together after FI and I moved in together turned in to something so bad apparently that we all had to be erased from her life.

    I agree that most times this kind of drama exists in the heads of those involved. Perhaps you've both felt things that weren't necessarily true. Like you have no way of knowing WHY she is coming to your open house - but you've automatically thought negative. Be nice, have fun and overall don't worry about her being there unless she seems to cause some issues.
  • abbyj700 said:
    Oh the old facebook unfriend. I had a friend who not only unfriended me - but my FI, his mom, his step dad, etc. This was a friend who was getting so close to FI's family that it was freaking me out. Yet us not spending as much time together after FI and I moved in together turned in to something so bad apparently that we all had to be erased from her life.

    I agree that most times this kind of drama exists in the heads of those involved. Perhaps you've both felt things that weren't necessarily true. Like you have no way of knowing WHY she is coming to your open house - but you've automatically thought negative. Be nice, have fun and overall don't worry about her being there unless she seems to cause some issues.
    We will have people coming and going all afternoon (including some friends of my Mom's who are like family) that will keep us all busy being proper hosts.

    I hope that I'm making a terrible assumption about her reasoning for attending, this is one case where I hope to be proven wrong.  But if she makes one negative comment about our beautiful new kitchen...  ;)
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  • And she was on the invite list for your Open House why???
  • And she was on the invite list for your Open House why???
    Good question... lol It was intended as a gesture of goodwill for lack of a better term.
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  • AprilH81 said:
    And she was on the invite list for your Open House why???
    Good question... lol It was intended as a gesture of goodwill for lack of a better term.
    Better question...why wasn't I on the list??                                                       JK :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • AprilH81 said:
    And she was on the invite list for your Open House why???
    Good question... lol It was intended as a gesture of goodwill for lack of a better term.
    Better question...why wasn't I on the list??                                                       JK :)
    We really should meet up in person some time since we live in the same city.  lol
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  • UPDATE

    Our open house was Saturday and we had a great turn out.  It was a lot of work, but a lot of fun!

    "Frenemy" showed up with another mutual friend.  I greeted her with a smile and welcomed her and she just kind of stood there and looked around.  I congratulated her on her new job and tried to make the conversation about her.  It was so awkward because she just didn't respond...

    I asked her if she would like a tour and she smiled and said yes.  As I showed her around I don't think she said more than two words except for a snarky comment about when DH and I were going to learn how to play the piano that the seller left for us (I actually do know how to play thank you very much).  

    I don't know what I expected, but everyone else had some comment about the house.  "What a lovely color, I love that picture, where did you get your couch" and other similar things.  It was so odd that she didn't say anything.

    About the time we finished the tour more people arrived so "frenemy" went and started talking to some other mutual friends.  

    After everyone left and Mom and I were cleaning up she mentioned how weird that "frenemy" was acting.  Even Mom thought she came out of sheer curiosity/nosiness.  

    Sooo...  I'm pretty much done.  On the off chance that DH and I are invited to an event with them we will politely decline.  I don't know what (if anything) we did to offend them.  Maybe their thank you note got lost by the post office and she thinks I didn't write one...  lol
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  • She totally came because she was nosy. Doesn't seem like you're really missing out on any great friendship. She doesn't sound like a friendly or happy person. 
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