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BM Hair

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Re: BM Hair

  • I couldn't give two shits about flowers.  See? We have different things we care about.  Its all good.

    To suggest that I would pay someone to be a BM - that's just insulting.  Talk about crossing the line.
    JFC I can have an opinion, even if you don't like it. 
    Good grief. No wonder people tend to just lurk around here.
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  • So you don't give a crap about flowers that you are shelling money out for but you do care about your BMs hair which you aren't footing the bill for? Priorities.

  • Here's why I brought up the paying thing.  It is something you have control over.  If I asked for & paid for roses and got peonies, then I would be justified in being upset.  If I paid for the photographer to get pictures of our wedding & he spent the whole ceremony playing Candy Crush, then I would absolutely be justified in being upset.

    You are not paying these women to dress and look a certain way on your wedding day.  Her hair is something out of your realm of control.
  • If a friend asked for my preference, I would say, "I love when you style your hair this way or that way". I would tell her what hair style I think looks best on her. I would not tell her which way I would want her to style her hair for me. As far as dresses, I really like the trend where the bride suggests a color, length, and possibly fabric choice, and then allows her FRIENDS to select what is most flattering and comfortable for them. It seems as if once "bridal party" is attached to these women, the fact that they were friends first seems to get lost in the insanity.
  • MobKaz said:
    It seems as if once "bridal party" is attached to these women, the fact that they were friends first seems to get lost in the insanity.
    QFT.

  • Lurking on these boards and learning from the women on here has made my wedding process go so much smoother and saved me so much unnecessary drama and etiquette mistakes . Maggie gives great advice on here all the time and IMO, you should have casually said, "However you want to wear your hair that day is good for me. I guess I'd prefer it up but it's no big deal. Whatever makes you happy" In the long run, is it really worth creating tension with your MOH?
  • I kinda agree with OP that she has the right to have a preference, because everyone has an opinion on everything and it's just unrealistic to insist otherwise. On the other hand I agree with maggie in that this might have been one of those times where it would have been wiser to opt out of sharing that preference. As @consenti7 said, sharing that opinion, even when pressed, is not worth the drama of creating tension with a friend (even if it was done inadvertently). What's done is done though, so I'd say just let it go and move on to more important things, like cake. 
  • I agree OP can have an opinion about how they think friend looks best. I also agree, though, she shouldn't have stated a preference. Dictating hairstyle and makeup is hardly the same as picking a bridesmaid dress.
  • I'm late to this party.. but for what it's worth, whether or not your bridesmaid is trying to do the snowflake thing, it won't matter.  I have been to so many weddings with many beautiful bridesmaids, but do you think I could tell you wtf any of their hair looked like?  No.  Eyes are on the bride, that's just how it goes, usually.
  • I don't see anything wrong with having a preference over bridesmaid hair. Now, if you gave them each specific pictures and said your hair must look exactly like this, then that is obviously too much. This is YOUR wedding and YOU are going to look at these pictures the rest of YOUR life. These are two closest people to you, and while you can definitely appreciate their sense of style or how they like to wear their hair, it should be perfectly fine for you to have a guideline or two.  I've been in a wedding where I was told to wear my hair up. I've been in a wedding where I was told to have something sparkly in my hair. I've been in a wedding where I had to wear a flower in my hair.  I've also been in a wedding where I printed a picture of what I liked for the hairstyist, and it just so happened to be the exact picture the bride picked for her hair! So i had to come up with something different.  Yes, it is nice for your bridesmaids to be able to choose whatever they want, but if you want to wear your hair down, and would like contrast with the maids wearing their hair up, what is wrong with that?
  • I don't see anything wrong with having a preference over bridesmaid hair. Now, if you gave them each specific pictures and said your hair must look exactly like this, then that is obviously too much. This is YOUR wedding and YOU are going to look at these pictures the rest of YOUR life. These are two closest people to you, and while you can definitely appreciate their sense of style or how they like to wear their hair, it should be perfectly fine for you to have a guideline or two.  I've been in a wedding where I was told to wear my hair up. I've been in a wedding where I was told to have something sparkly in my hair. I've been in a wedding where I had to wear a flower in my hair.  I've also been in a wedding where I printed a picture of what I liked for the hairstyist, and it just so happened to be the exact picture the bride picked for her hair! So i had to come up with something different.  Yes, it is nice for your bridesmaids to be able to choose whatever they want, but if you want to wear your hair down, and would like contrast with the maids wearing their hair up, what is wrong with that?
    Because it is hair.  And everyone has different hair so even if they are styled the same they will still look different.  And because you are the bride who is most likely in a giant white dress with a veil and sparkly hair accessories so even if you and your BM have the same hair style you still won't look the same to the point where you are looking at your pictures wondering who is who.

  • edited October 2014
    I don't see anything wrong with controlling your friendshaving a preference over bridesmaid hair. Now, if you gave them each specific pictures and said your hair must look exactly like this, then that is obviously too much. This is THEIR hair YOUR wedding and they are going to remember that all you cared about is that you'd YOU are going to look at these pictures the rest of YOUR life and care about their hair more than them. These are two closest people to you, and while you can definitely appreciate their sense of style or how they like to wear their hair, it should be perfectly fine for you to exercise control over something that does matterhave a guideline or two.  I've been in a wedding where I was told to wear my hair up. I've been in a wedding where I was told to have something sparkly in my hair. I've been in a wedding where I had to wear a flower in my hair.  I've also been in a wedding where I printed a picture of what I liked for the hairstyist, and it just so happened to be the exact picture the bride picked for her hair! So i chose had to come up with something different.  Yes, it is nice for your bridesmaids to be able to choose whatever they want, but if you want to wear your hair down, and would like contrast with the maids wearing their hair up, what is wrong with that?


    ******SITB********

    FTFY

    Everything is "wrong with that". Why? BECAUSE PICTURES ARE NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN PEOPLE. For fucks sake. 

    If a bride honestly has time to worry about who is wearing their hair up, down, sideways, curly, straight, or what-the-fuck-ever and how it looks in comparison to HER hair... then she needs a damn hobby. First world problems. 

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  • I hate my hair up. It makes me feel all kinds of uncomfortable.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I don't see anything wrong with having a preference over bridesmaid hair. Now, if you gave them each specific pictures and said your hair must look exactly like this, then that is obviously too much. This is YOUR wedding and YOU are going to look at these pictures the rest of YOUR life. These are two closest people to you, and while you can definitely appreciate their sense of style or how they like to wear their hair, it should be perfectly fine for you to have a guideline or two.  I've been in a wedding where I was told to wear my hair up. I've been in a wedding where I was told to have something sparkly in my hair. I've been in a wedding where I had to wear a flower in my hair.  I've also been in a wedding where I printed a picture of what I liked for the hairstyist, and it just so happened to be the exact picture the bride picked for her hair! So i had to come up with something different.  Yes, it is nice for your bridesmaids to be able to choose whatever they want, but if you want to wear your hair down, and would like contrast with the maids wearing their hair up, what is wrong with that?
    You honestly do not see anything wrong with the bolded words??  Friends do not "tell" friends how to look because it's THEIR day or THEIR way.  The bridal party is supposed to be chosen based on relationships, NOT appearances or picture enhancers.
  • If she is paying, she gets final say. However, it sounds like she just is asking for more direction. Even though you're trying to not be too demanding, you do sound like you have an idea of how you want their hair to look (not too messy, not too fancy as to be a "special snowflake"...). I suggest you browse online (pinterest!!) for some hair styles you think would compliment the look you are going for and then send them to her simply as suggestions so she can see your vision.
  • If she is paying, she gets final say. However, it sounds like she just is asking for more direction. Even though you're trying to not be too demanding, you do sound like you have an idea of how you want their hair to look (not too messy, not too fancy as to be a "special snowflake"...). I suggest you browse online (pinterest!!) for some hair styles you think would compliment the look you are going for and then send them to her simply as suggestions so she can see your vision.
    No, actually she doesn't. Even if she says "I will pay for your hair, but I'd like it done *this way*." The BM can still decline and say, "Sorry, I'm not comfortable with that."
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  • well this is why I am just  paying for everything, cause you're gonna do it my way. .. Control freaks raise your hands...
  • edited October 2014
    This thread is ridiculous. OP, obviously you phrased your answer in such a way that your friend thought your preference mattered. It doesn't. Truly. Go ahead and prefer that she have her hair up, but that should have NO BEARING on what she chooses to do with her own head. If she wants to have long, flowy, model mermaid princess hair, you just smile and tell her how pretty it is. But I really think if it was only a preference like "I like carrots more than peas, but whatever" then you wouldn't be getting so defensive and angry. 

    And other Knottie numbers above me... that shit ain't cool either. Paying only means you're ensuring that they get their hair professionally done, it doesn't ensure that it looks exactly the way you want it to. You get "a say," not the be-all-end-all final judgement. 

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  • edited October 2014
    well  i guess I'm lucky that my bridesmaids ( sisters)  said "we will do our hair  makeup and wear whatever you want".    first i kept saying " I don't care, do it however you want"  but they persisted and argued for me to tell them. after a while i just said fine do it this way... and leave me alone.. 
  • well this is why I am just  paying for everything, cause you're gonna do it my way. .. Control freaks raise your hands...
    well  i guess I'm lucky that my bridesmaids ( sisters)  said "we will do our hair  makeup and wear whatever you want".    first i kept saying " I don't care, do it however you want"  but they persisted and argued for me to tell them. after a while i just said fine do it this way... and leave me alone.. 
    Really? Cuz these two statements are completely contradictory.

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  • well  i guess I'm lucky that my bridesmaids ( sisters)  said "we will do our hair  makeup and wear whatever you want".    first i kept saying " I don't care, do it however you want"  but they persisted and argued for me to tell them. after a while i just said fine do it this way... and leave me alone.. 
    What you could have (and perhaps still may have time to do) said was, "Sister, I loved the way you did your hair for (this event).  Would you want to try that style again?"

    I understand that some people prefer a little direction or guidance.  Brides can offer that without being control freaks and/or demanding. 
  • edited October 2014
    well this is why I am just  paying for everything, cause you're gonna do it my way. .. Control freaks raise your hands...
    well  i guess I'm lucky that my bridesmaids ( sisters)  said "we will do our hair  makeup and wear whatever you want".    first i kept saying " I don't care, do it however you want"  but they persisted and argued for me to tell them. after a while i just said fine do it this way... and leave me alone.. 
    Really? Cuz these two statements are completely contradictory.
    For a year they kept asking and i said i dont care, its not about you...  I really dont care.. with everything I have to deal with I could care less.

    Last week a huge fight erupted about it and I just picked a damn style.. I am a control freak, however i was trying to let them be them, obviously they can't handle making decisions . I was trying to  make then be themselves in what they were comfortable in. Same thing with the dresses I said just pick any long black dress... they couldn't do it for months so i finally just said fine, you want me to make all choices for you like children, this is what you are wearing.. 
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