Ok, this is my first post and it's kind of a doozy... I tried to read back through the board to make sure I wasn't repeating a frequently asked question, but I definitely could have missed it.
So, my basic story is that I come from a huge Irish catholic family-48 aunts and uncles, almost 100 first cousins, spread out mostly in the Philadelphia area and western mass area (I live outside Boston). My fiancé lives in central NJ, which is where we'll be getting married.
I'm one of 5 girls, and my parents will not be contributing to any weddings-- they paid for undergrad instead. Totally understandable, but means we're hoping to keep the budget down.
We debated between large and less formal or small and elegant, and have pretty much opted for small and elegant since it will be at a beautiful function space in our favorite restaurant. This means no rentals, minimal decorative needs, and we can afford to host all aspects. I'm not the most organized, so low stress day of wedding is a high priority for me. The space is limited to 44 guests.
We have also found an obscenely inexpensive outdoor space to rent, but it requires a lot of work setting up tables and chairs, procuring of all eating/drinking relating items, and breakdown after the event. We could afford to host a very DIY event here for a large crowd, but trying to envision doing that on my wedding day makes me panic.
What I would like to do is get married and have a small reception with my closest friends and family, then host a large luncheon the next day for wedding guests and family within a reasonable driving distance. It will be a casual party, not a reception (no wedding dress, no DJ, etc). We will provide a simple meal and beverages, plus maybe some lawn games. I just don't mind being point person on a day that I'm not wearing a fancy dress, getting hair done, taking pictures, and still trying to be sincere and joyful in my wedding vows.
My vision is that it will be a great chance for my family and I to celebrate and catch up. I'm not looking for gifts, and will be upfront that it is not a wedding reception. From internet searching though, it appears I may offend people I care about significantly, which really is not how I want to start my marriage.
What do you all think? Can I celebrate with people who aren't invited to the reception? If yes, how do I word the invitation?
Also, as a side note, the ceremony site can host up to 200 and includes admission to a sculpture garden. Can I advise people that they are welcome to enjoy the site and come to the ceremony if they want to without making it seem like I expect them to be there?
TL,DR: can I have my low stress wedding cake and share it with my huge family too?